If you've read my last post, I said I would transpose my initial thoughts that I had written down in my handy-dandy notebook and type them out here on this blog. Here's what I wrote before embarking on this new reading venture:
Dear Reading Journal,
... And to whoever else that may be reading this --
I am attempting to break down chapter-by-chapter the romantic legendary novel of love, passion, betrayal, revenge, and all the guilt and good juicy stuff of Emily Bronte's Wuthering Heights.
My main reason for finally picking up this dusty book off my shelf is to find out what makes this story so effin' breathtaking that Stephenie Meyer kept referring to it in the Twilight saga as Bella's favorite (and by extension, SMeyer's fave) novel. But where the comparison lies between Bella and Cathy or Edward and Heathcliff -- that's something I plan to investigate, to see if the comparisons are really there.
Or not.
My bet is that SMeyer really only scratches the surface. Sure, there seems to be some passion and a smattering of vengeance-seeking throughout the Twilight saga. But to me, Bella and Edward got nothin' on the heated bad romance between Catherine and Heathcliff. I mean, Bella and Edward at least get to be together for eternity. But as for Cathy and Heathcliff... they're lost forever, DOOMED, their all-consuming love for each other never fully consummated.
That's the tragic part right there. And if you're pervy enough to be thinking this, you can also go so far as to say it's really tragic that Cathy and Heathcliff never actually... um, DID IT. With each other, that is. (Maybe that's why Bella's so anxious, so hot and bothered about dying a virgin. LOL.)
Both Cathy and Heathcliff die lonely and bitter, especially the surly (yet really sexy sounding) Heathcliff. He's had it rough since he was a kid, so I can't say I blame him that much for turning into a douche-faced jerk to everyone he meets.
And Cathy... she seems like one cruel little wench, playing around with Heathcliff's feelings for her.
But then again, I'm getting ahead of myself, only relying so far on what I've heard about the story. So I'm finally going to read it after 7 years of avoiding it due to the fear of confusion. So please, wish me luck!
I just hope I end up loving Emily's story as fervently as I love Charlotte's Jane Eyre -- or at the very least, appreciating Wuthering Heights for what it's worth as a literary mainstay.
TO CHAPTER 1... AND AWAY!
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Brontë-saurus!
It's an odd title for a blog post, but if you have no idea what I'm talking about, then just bear with me. I promise that you will find out why eventually. ;)
Sorry if my last post sounded a little depressing. Things are okay and have calmed down over the weekend. In fact, my sister and I kind of re-bonded over a successful charity project we had to do yesterday for Rainbow. Thank goodness!
Sorry if my last post sounded a little depressing. Things are okay and have calmed down over the weekend. In fact, my sister and I kind of re-bonded over a successful charity project we had to do yesterday for Rainbow. Thank goodness!
Anyway, I finished reading Jane Eyre recently, and I've gotta say, I ABSO-FREAKIN'-LUTELY LOVED IT. Charlotte Bronte, you are a literary genius! AMEN to strong female protagonists who show us the way to be true to ourselves, who reject the BS society tries to shove down their throats, who eventually forgive those who have utterly wronged them, and who are capable of loving someone unconditionally (no matter how horribly twisted his mistakes were, *cough, cough, Rochester*).
Jane Eyre has officially joined my list of favorite female heroines, along with Viola of Messaline, Elizabeth Bennet, Suze Simon, Em Watts, and Buffy -- to name a few.
So anyway, I've recently picked up Wuthering Heights, written by Charlotte's sister Emily, and so far I'm on Chapter 5. It's been sitting on my shelf collecting dust for about 7 years. I bought the paperback in a 2-book special from the Scholastic catalog when I was in the 6th grade. You can't resist buying a couple of classics that cost altogether $2.00 and have pretty covers like these:
Darcy gives his letter of sincere apology to Elizabeth! GASP! I devoured Pride & Prejudice right away -- it was actually the main reason for my purchase, hehe. I'd read the abridged version in 4th grade and wanted to read the original text, so I went ahead and bought it -- especially since Wuthering Heights came with it, both for a cheap price!
Heathcliff on this book cover looks TOTALLY hot. That's the edition that I have, and man, do I feel butterflies a-fluttering in my tummy whenever I admire the cover. But perhaps Scholastic picked up on this, so they changed the cover to something less... um, provocative. They're a children's book publishing company, first and foremost. Go figure. Here's the new cover that they settled for instead:
The cover art seems appropriate here, if a 12-year-old girl were to pick this up and read it. The setting is in the moors, an endless stretch of uneven grassland that you could easily get lost in. It's supposed to symbolize the characters getting lost in their passions -- both for love of each other and for bitter revenge against those who have wronged them.
But I still prefer the blue cover with the hot Heathcliff. I could just 'effing SWOON!
Then, in the middle of my search, I came across a completely different type of cover...
OH GOD, NO. I found this Twilight-ish cover for Wuthering Heights on this website. WHY, WHY, WHY must it permeate everything?! To tell you honestly, Stephenie Meyer sort of killed Wuthering Heights for me. When I was reading Eclipse last summer, I thought Meyer was stretching the comparison between Belward and Cathcliff wayyyyy too far. Bella, according to SMeyer, has it SOOOOO BAD for Edward -- as much as Cathy had it for Heathcliff. But I beg to differ. Bella's just sex-starved, in my opinion. As if dying a virgin was a fate worse than death itself. There are SAINTS who died to preserve their virginity, and yet this twit-face a-dork-a-klutz is so willing to give hers away to a sparkly, blood-sucking century-old popsicle. I mean, Bella was the one trying to desperately jump Edward's bones from day one. I get the message that both couples are star-crossed, but they're star-crossed in very, very different ways.
Exhibit A: How The Lovely Couples All End Up
Cathy and Heathcliff NEVER get together -- not officially, at least to my knowledge and from what I've heard about Bronte's story. Society always gets in the way, because society says that Cathy's too good to marry Heathcliff. And okay, it may seem that forces also try to keep Bella and Edward apart -- such as Bella's werewolf friends disapproving of her relationship with Edward, and other vampires who want to tear Bella's throat out. HOWEVER, Bella and Edward end up attached at the hip for eternity with a life-sucking monster daughter whom Jacob imprints on. A slightly messed up ever after for the vamp lover and the twinkle-toed mind reader, but an ever after nonetheless. Cathy and Heathcliff weren't so fortunate -- one of them dies, and the other is constantly haunted by the lover's ghost (or vivid memory of their beloved, really).
Exhibit B: The Heroines (in Bella's case, the heroin, hardy-har-har)
Cathy is impetuous and mischievous, often wiry and adventurous. She's always getting into trouble because she's always active. If I'm correct, she always drags Heathcliff down with her when she's running around making mischief. Whereas Bella is just a Mary Sue whose only interest is in doing the laundry, washing dishes, and eye-sexing (er, gawking and drooling over) her dazzling undead "veggie" vamp boyfriend. If Bella does find herself in knee-deep shit, it's because she's the passive victim of other vamps wanting to drink her blood or wanting her dead because Eddie killed their mate.
Exhibit C: The Heroes, the Bloody Bastard and the Bloodsucker
Heathcliff is a surly and sullen kind of guy, due to his rough childhood. He's an orphan, and he was found by Mr. Earnshaw, Cathy's father, who decided to take him in and adopt him as if Heathcliff was his own son. Meanwhile, Cathy's older brother, Hindley, totally hated Heathcliff because Heathcliff was always stealing his thunder, always their father's favorite. Heathcliff was pretty much abused throughout his life, and this hardened him into the harsh man he grew up to become. Heathcliff can't possibly be compared to Edward -- at least, not in a substantial and monumental way that SMeyer tries to pass it off as.
So Edward is also an orphan, due to the Spanish influenza outbreak in the early 1900s. And maybe Edward's probably killed a few people because he may have lost control when he was a newborn vampire (as we vaguely learn in the leaked Midnight Sun draft). But a majority of the time Edward is too much of a gentleman to get rowdy. Sure, he gets jealous of Jacob -- especially after Jake does a reverse fur-splosion and morphs back into his impeccable naked human glory. (Bella, you should have gone for wolf boy!) But despite the angsty grimacing and jealousy, Edward usually is the Kodak picture, the poster-child of decorum (insofar as how Meyer wants us to see him; Edward's just a walking mess of psychological fuckery, even more so than Heathcliff).
Exhibit C: The Heroes, the Bloody Bastard and the Bloodsucker
Heathcliff is a surly and sullen kind of guy, due to his rough childhood. He's an orphan, and he was found by Mr. Earnshaw, Cathy's father, who decided to take him in and adopt him as if Heathcliff was his own son. Meanwhile, Cathy's older brother, Hindley, totally hated Heathcliff because Heathcliff was always stealing his thunder, always their father's favorite. Heathcliff was pretty much abused throughout his life, and this hardened him into the harsh man he grew up to become. Heathcliff can't possibly be compared to Edward -- at least, not in a substantial and monumental way that SMeyer tries to pass it off as.
So Edward is also an orphan, due to the Spanish influenza outbreak in the early 1900s. And maybe Edward's probably killed a few people because he may have lost control when he was a newborn vampire (as we vaguely learn in the leaked Midnight Sun draft). But a majority of the time Edward is too much of a gentleman to get rowdy. Sure, he gets jealous of Jacob -- especially after Jake does a reverse fur-splosion and morphs back into his impeccable naked human glory. (Bella, you should have gone for wolf boy!) But despite the angsty grimacing and jealousy, Edward usually is the Kodak picture, the poster-child of decorum (insofar as how Meyer wants us to see him; Edward's just a walking mess of psychological fuckery, even more so than Heathcliff).
The Verdict?
If anything, I think SMeyer's attempt at the comparison between her lovebirds and Emily Bronte's classic couple pales greatly. Twi-tards are going to get the wrong idea about Wuthering Heights.
If anything, I think SMeyer's attempt at the comparison between her lovebirds and Emily Bronte's classic couple pales greatly. Twi-tards are going to get the wrong idea about Wuthering Heights.
On a lighter note, I found out that a Sparknotes blogger plans to blog about Wuthering Heights, mostly to find its literary merit. SMeyer had also killed the classic story for this person, but due to the persuasive pleading of some Brontephilic friends, this person decided to read Wuthering Heights after all, and to also blog their reactions about it. They're pretty funny. So far, they've blogged about chapters 1 and 2. You can find their blog posts -- just click here.
I think I'll do the same. I already have a marble composition notebook especially dedicated for this, and I actually entitled it "Julianne's Reading Journal for Breaking Down Dense Literature: Tackling Wuthering Heights." So far I've written recaps for chapters 1-5. I'll type them up and post them in this blog in my next entries. Maybe it'll help you out and also get you interested in the book.
In the meantime, I'll leave you with this extremely amusing video that I found on Youtube a couple of weeks ago. These would have been AWESOME toys to play with growing up, wouldn't you say?
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
"Freedom" -- What Is It?
My entire family got into this huge argument earlier this evening. The source? My younger sisters.
The one in middle school went to the park with her friends across the street from her school right before her classes were supposed to start. This was around 7:30 in the morning, mind you. She lost her cell phone because it supposedly fell out of her sweater pocket. My guess is that it probably fell out of her pocket and someone found it... execept this person didn't return it. Hence, her very first cell phone (a very nice, very cute and very green Sony Ericson model) was stolen without her knowing. She's not getting a cell phone again for a looooooong time.
My other sister, the one in her junior year of high school, has a particular bad habit of not calling (because supposedly my mom never answers her calls) and staying out late until 8:30 or 9:00 PM on a SCHOOL NIGHT for the ENTIRE WEEK. The reason for this behavior, this sister claims, is that she wants to have more freedom.
Even though my mom already lets her go to school on her own and trusts her enough to come home at an appropriate time after hanging out with her friends.
But to this wart of a sister, it's not enough.
So the big question that kept coming up during the argument -- which I got dragged into because my parents are always using me as the standard of comparison (because I'm supposedly the good one). I'm only the good one because I'm trying to set an example to my sisters. I've screwed up lots of times before. I know what it's like to want to stay a little longer and just be cool and spend time with friends. Every teenager goes through that.
But that doesn't mean you should always do it. My sisters -- especially the brick-headed one in high school -- can't seem to fathom that. It's like they're defining themselves solely through their friendships. As if their sole reason for existing is their friends, and God forbid they be shunned.
I get it. I've been there. High school was always like that. The need to belong is strong, and can overpower, leading you to follow your impulses and damn all torpedoes because you just want to be cool and hang out after school like everyone else is doing. Because you don't want to be the odd one out, the "loser," the "freak" with the controlling and overprotective parents.
The problem is that when we're going through this stage, we can't see outside of ourselves. We may have theory of mind, but in the end we don't want to use it -- we don't want to see things from other people's perspectives because we don't consider them as relevant to our own point of view. And let's face it -- if we even dared peek into our parents' perspective of the situation, we'd run the risk of being wrong. So instead, we remain dogged, we rebel, we hold steadfastly to our own beliefs. We try to assert our own desire for independence. For freedom.
But when my mom and I asked what my sister meant by this "freedom" she oh so craved, she couldn't even tell us coherently at first. Perhaps it was partly due to her blubbering. However, it was plain to see that she really had no fucking clue what exactly this "freedom" was. Until finally, my sister said this [paraphrasing]:
"I want to be able to hang out with my friends. I want to be able to call you and tell you that I want to hang out with my friends, and I want you to be okay with it."
Um, that's what we've been trying to tell her all year! My parents aren't tyrants. We're actually pretty lucky that they don't slap us right on the spot if we screw up horribly. My mom is notorious for her neverending lectures and OCD tendencies, but that's about the worst it can get. How many times have my parents told my sister that she can totally hang out with her friends? I've lost count. Though, I'm pretty sure it was somewhere between 99 trillion and 99 zillion.
Of course, since my sister blew her chances by coming home unreasonably late every night for the entire school year, my mom has forbidden her from hanging out with her friends this summer. Which may seem harsh at first, but if you measure the countless hours my sister has already spent "gallivanting" (a favorite English word for Filipino parents when describing their kids' screwy behavior) with her friends during the year, it's totally fair.
She just has to learn not to define herself solely through her friends. She has to realize that some of them may not always be there for her. That some relationships have an expiration date, whatever those reasons may be, as a good friend of mine puts it. Very few friends will actually stay with you for the rest of your life, and these are the kinds of friends we should all be thankful for.
And she has to realize that freedom always has its limits.
To me, freedom is knowing your own limits and making those choices which will produce the best possible outcome for all those involved. Freedom is not go-crazy-because-your-parents-are-not-here-to-hound-you-for-being-a-total-imbecile.
Freedom is knowing yourself, and knowing that you have options. And that sometimes, making the right choices -- even if it's just to placate your mother from giving her neverending lecture -- can set you free.
Free from what?
Free of guilt. Free of moral repurcussions. Free of charge -- pun totally intended.
The one in middle school went to the park with her friends across the street from her school right before her classes were supposed to start. This was around 7:30 in the morning, mind you. She lost her cell phone because it supposedly fell out of her sweater pocket. My guess is that it probably fell out of her pocket and someone found it... execept this person didn't return it. Hence, her very first cell phone (a very nice, very cute and very green Sony Ericson model) was stolen without her knowing. She's not getting a cell phone again for a looooooong time.
My other sister, the one in her junior year of high school, has a particular bad habit of not calling (because supposedly my mom never answers her calls) and staying out late until 8:30 or 9:00 PM on a SCHOOL NIGHT for the ENTIRE WEEK. The reason for this behavior, this sister claims, is that she wants to have more freedom.
Even though my mom already lets her go to school on her own and trusts her enough to come home at an appropriate time after hanging out with her friends.
But to this wart of a sister, it's not enough.
So the big question that kept coming up during the argument -- which I got dragged into because my parents are always using me as the standard of comparison (because I'm supposedly the good one). I'm only the good one because I'm trying to set an example to my sisters. I've screwed up lots of times before. I know what it's like to want to stay a little longer and just be cool and spend time with friends. Every teenager goes through that.
But that doesn't mean you should always do it. My sisters -- especially the brick-headed one in high school -- can't seem to fathom that. It's like they're defining themselves solely through their friendships. As if their sole reason for existing is their friends, and God forbid they be shunned.
I get it. I've been there. High school was always like that. The need to belong is strong, and can overpower, leading you to follow your impulses and damn all torpedoes because you just want to be cool and hang out after school like everyone else is doing. Because you don't want to be the odd one out, the "loser," the "freak" with the controlling and overprotective parents.
The problem is that when we're going through this stage, we can't see outside of ourselves. We may have theory of mind, but in the end we don't want to use it -- we don't want to see things from other people's perspectives because we don't consider them as relevant to our own point of view. And let's face it -- if we even dared peek into our parents' perspective of the situation, we'd run the risk of being wrong. So instead, we remain dogged, we rebel, we hold steadfastly to our own beliefs. We try to assert our own desire for independence. For freedom.
But when my mom and I asked what my sister meant by this "freedom" she oh so craved, she couldn't even tell us coherently at first. Perhaps it was partly due to her blubbering. However, it was plain to see that she really had no fucking clue what exactly this "freedom" was. Until finally, my sister said this [paraphrasing]:
"I want to be able to hang out with my friends. I want to be able to call you and tell you that I want to hang out with my friends, and I want you to be okay with it."
Um, that's what we've been trying to tell her all year! My parents aren't tyrants. We're actually pretty lucky that they don't slap us right on the spot if we screw up horribly. My mom is notorious for her neverending lectures and OCD tendencies, but that's about the worst it can get. How many times have my parents told my sister that she can totally hang out with her friends? I've lost count. Though, I'm pretty sure it was somewhere between 99 trillion and 99 zillion.
Of course, since my sister blew her chances by coming home unreasonably late every night for the entire school year, my mom has forbidden her from hanging out with her friends this summer. Which may seem harsh at first, but if you measure the countless hours my sister has already spent "gallivanting" (a favorite English word for Filipino parents when describing their kids' screwy behavior) with her friends during the year, it's totally fair.
She just has to learn not to define herself solely through her friends. She has to realize that some of them may not always be there for her. That some relationships have an expiration date, whatever those reasons may be, as a good friend of mine puts it. Very few friends will actually stay with you for the rest of your life, and these are the kinds of friends we should all be thankful for.
And she has to realize that freedom always has its limits.
To me, freedom is knowing your own limits and making those choices which will produce the best possible outcome for all those involved. Freedom is not go-crazy-because-your-parents-are-not-here-to-hound-you-for-being-a-total-imbecile.
Freedom is knowing yourself, and knowing that you have options. And that sometimes, making the right choices -- even if it's just to placate your mother from giving her neverending lecture -- can set you free.
Free from what?
Free of guilt. Free of moral repurcussions. Free of charge -- pun totally intended.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Procrastinating Part II: To "google" or not to "google"?
Don't get me wrong. I don't have a deadline (*Shudders at the word*). And I did get some work done since my last post.
Even if I was book-licking again. "What the heck is book-licking?" Meg Cabot explains it here. I also wrote an earlier post on this subject as well.
Anyway, I got hung up on the proper usage of "google" as a verb. As in, searching for information using the Google search engine. Because 1) I wasn't sure if it was still just a slang word until I found out that it was actually included in the Merriam-Webster dictionary, and 2) if I would get sued by Google, Inc. if I inadvertently misused their trademark because I "genericized" it into an already commonplace and informal verb. So I googled "using google as a verb" on Google and came across Google's official blog post regarding this matter, written a few years ago (Um, where was I when this happened?).
That last sentence was pretty redundant, wasn't it? But that's how clear (albeit a tad anal-retentive) Google wants us to be when using "google" as a verb.
While Google's marketers are thrilled at the search engine's extreme popularity, I guess I can see the point that Google's trademark lawyers are trying to make. It's all about protecting a brand name, much like protecting one's rep from misinformation and miscommunication. I mean, have you ever heard of someone "googling" a topic on say, Yahoo or Bing? Ridiculous. Because you can only google things using Google. Duh. But unfortunately, too many people have generalized the term to encompass all sorts of searches on the Internet.
It's like when people continually mispronounce your name or misspell it, no matter how many times you try to correct them on its proper usage because it's disrespectful to your existence as a human being, as if they're denying you the very identity you chose for yourself.
My name, Julianne, happens to be one of those names that cause perpetual confusion. (I can't even find it on a keychain!) People have misspelled it time and again: Juliane, Julie Ann, Julieanna, and a whole bunch of incorrectness... I especially get offended when someone pronounces or spells my name as "Julien" or "Julian" when addressing me because these particular names are commonly given to BOYS. And even though I was named after my mom (Julieta, because she was born in July) and St. Anne, I still resent the fact that "Julianne" is considered by most baby name websites as the feminine derivative of "Julian," which means "of or belonging to Julius." As in, Julius Caesar.
I know I'm probably taking this too literally, but let me just say this: I am NOT the property of a dead Roman emperor who was backstabbed by a brute (perhaps the etymology of "brute" and "brutal" came from the ever-famous Shakespearean line, "Et tu Brutus"? I must "google" this later... Ha!). Although, in the French, Greek, and Spanish meaning of the name, it's supposed to mean "youthful." That's gotta make up for things, right?
Anyway, I'm digressing. Sorry about that.
Returning to the word "google" and why I got so hung up on its proper use so as not to get my arse slapped with a lawsuit once I get my story published...
The main character in my story is trying to dig up dirt on someone in order to put annoying rumors to rest and finally know the truth. She thought there'd be a news article regarding an arson incident, and quite possibly a murder, that would implicate the guy she's suspicious of. So naturally, because it's so commonly used as a verb in everyday life by practically everyone who's Internet savvy, I really needed to linger on the diction.
And as long as we're talking about Google...
I'm glad that it's back to normal after some days of its attempt to look like Bing. Not that I have anything against the backgrounds. But there's a kind of comfort in seeing the blank white background with the familiar logo (or surprise design, depending on the occasion) of Google greeting you as you begin your intricate web journeys. That, and I really don't like how there's a delay whenever I try to conduct an online search just because the background picture is still loading. If I want a customized background, I'll use the iGoogle feature. But as of now, I really prefer the look Google's had for years. The constancy of the plain, white background is somewhat comforting, especially if I'm going through a superlatively crappy day.
I know I just violated #8 on my "Procrastinator's Checklist." Blame it on my impulsive clicking and wandering attention-span. But as my friend Liliana says, "Remember: great art cannot be rushed! Just let the muses guide you!"
I'm going to violate #5 now on my "Procrastinator's Checklist." It may be close to midnight, and it probably won't make a difference anymore in my current weight, but I'm getting myself a bowl of cold, creamy, chocolatey ice cream. Mmm...
Maybe the sugar will help me think. ;)
Even if I was book-licking again. "What the heck is book-licking?" Meg Cabot explains it here. I also wrote an earlier post on this subject as well.
Anyway, I got hung up on the proper usage of "google" as a verb. As in, searching for information using the Google search engine. Because 1) I wasn't sure if it was still just a slang word until I found out that it was actually included in the Merriam-Webster dictionary, and 2) if I would get sued by Google, Inc. if I inadvertently misused their trademark because I "genericized" it into an already commonplace and informal verb. So I googled "using google as a verb" on Google and came across Google's official blog post regarding this matter, written a few years ago (Um, where was I when this happened?).
That last sentence was pretty redundant, wasn't it? But that's how clear (albeit a tad anal-retentive) Google wants us to be when using "google" as a verb.
While Google's marketers are thrilled at the search engine's extreme popularity, I guess I can see the point that Google's trademark lawyers are trying to make. It's all about protecting a brand name, much like protecting one's rep from misinformation and miscommunication. I mean, have you ever heard of someone "googling" a topic on say, Yahoo or Bing? Ridiculous. Because you can only google things using Google. Duh. But unfortunately, too many people have generalized the term to encompass all sorts of searches on the Internet.
It's like when people continually mispronounce your name or misspell it, no matter how many times you try to correct them on its proper usage because it's disrespectful to your existence as a human being, as if they're denying you the very identity you chose for yourself.
My name, Julianne, happens to be one of those names that cause perpetual confusion. (I can't even find it on a keychain!) People have misspelled it time and again: Juliane, Julie Ann, Julieanna, and a whole bunch of incorrectness... I especially get offended when someone pronounces or spells my name as "Julien" or "Julian" when addressing me because these particular names are commonly given to BOYS. And even though I was named after my mom (Julieta, because she was born in July) and St. Anne, I still resent the fact that "Julianne" is considered by most baby name websites as the feminine derivative of "Julian," which means "of or belonging to Julius." As in, Julius Caesar.
I know I'm probably taking this too literally, but let me just say this: I am NOT the property of a dead Roman emperor who was backstabbed by a brute (perhaps the etymology of "brute" and "brutal" came from the ever-famous Shakespearean line, "Et tu Brutus"? I must "google" this later... Ha!). Although, in the French, Greek, and Spanish meaning of the name, it's supposed to mean "youthful." That's gotta make up for things, right?
Anyway, I'm digressing. Sorry about that.
Returning to the word "google" and why I got so hung up on its proper use so as not to get my arse slapped with a lawsuit once I get my story published...
The main character in my story is trying to dig up dirt on someone in order to put annoying rumors to rest and finally know the truth. She thought there'd be a news article regarding an arson incident, and quite possibly a murder, that would implicate the guy she's suspicious of. So naturally, because it's so commonly used as a verb in everyday life by practically everyone who's Internet savvy, I really needed to linger on the diction.
And as long as we're talking about Google...
I'm glad that it's back to normal after some days of its attempt to look like Bing. Not that I have anything against the backgrounds. But there's a kind of comfort in seeing the blank white background with the familiar logo (or surprise design, depending on the occasion) of Google greeting you as you begin your intricate web journeys. That, and I really don't like how there's a delay whenever I try to conduct an online search just because the background picture is still loading. If I want a customized background, I'll use the iGoogle feature. But as of now, I really prefer the look Google's had for years. The constancy of the plain, white background is somewhat comforting, especially if I'm going through a superlatively crappy day.
I know I just violated #8 on my "Procrastinator's Checklist." Blame it on my impulsive clicking and wandering attention-span. But as my friend Liliana says, "Remember: great art cannot be rushed! Just let the muses guide you!"
I'm going to violate #5 now on my "Procrastinator's Checklist." It may be close to midnight, and it probably won't make a difference anymore in my current weight, but I'm getting myself a bowl of cold, creamy, chocolatey ice cream. Mmm...
Maybe the sugar will help me think. ;)
Friday, June 11, 2010
Procrastinator's Checklist
This is bad. Really bad.
I keep telling myself that I shall focus on writing. I bet you're probably annoyed by it, as well. But I think I might have some sort of attention-deficit problem, especially if other people -- my family -- are in the house.
I just simply can't get anything done.
I know what you're probably thinking: this girl is making up excuses because the summer bug just bit her with a dose of laziness. You're probably right.
So, here's a list of things I need to stop doing in order to become more efficient. Maybe it'll help you out a little, if you're also distracted from completing a writing project, or any sort of project, for that matter:
There's probably a whole lot more that I should stop doing, but I can't think of them as of now. Though it's probably futile, given my easily influenced attention-span, wish me luck!
Maybe I'll finish a chapter or two. I hope.
Until next post, friends!
I keep telling myself that I shall focus on writing. I bet you're probably annoyed by it, as well. But I think I might have some sort of attention-deficit problem, especially if other people -- my family -- are in the house.
I just simply can't get anything done.
I know what you're probably thinking: this girl is making up excuses because the summer bug just bit her with a dose of laziness. You're probably right.
So, here's a list of things I need to stop doing in order to become more efficient. Maybe it'll help you out a little, if you're also distracted from completing a writing project, or any sort of project, for that matter:
- Stop playing Sorority Life on Facebook. At least, limit it to 30 minutes maximum per day.
- Stop looking for games to play online. (Clearly, having a laptop is way too much fun.)
- Stop watching crap on Youtube.
Even if it's compelling crap. - Stop searching gossip websites for celebrity updates. That's what the "Sleaze" segment on the Elvis Duran Morning Show on Z100 is for.
- Stop eating. Even if you're craving that bag of Cheetos or that carton of Edy's rocky road ice cream. You're better off burning calories either jogging (and thinking about your story) or typing (and working out the kinks in your story).
- Stop browsing through design websites and impulsively changing the look of your blog.
Not that many people read it anyway, and let's face it -- those who do probably won't care all that much. Unless your faithful readers can't read your posts and unless you really (like, REALLY) feel like going through all the HTML mumbo jumbo, please don't bother. Your blog is fine the way it is. At least, for now anyway. (See how cool it looks now! Haha... well, okay. I couldn't resist. Blogger's new template designer was so tempting to play around with. SO, that's it for designing... for now.) - Stop clicking through the Food Network website!
Again, Julianne (because this is my personal checklist, but feel free to substitute your name if you believe that this checklist may also apply to you), stop eating. Even if that bar of chocolate is begging to be consumed... - Stop your impulsive Google surfing!
There's probably a whole lot more that I should stop doing, but I can't think of them as of now. Though it's probably futile, given my easily influenced attention-span, wish me luck!
Maybe I'll finish a chapter or two. I hope.
Until next post, friends!
Friday, June 4, 2010
Getting Somewhere - Books with (Good) Bite and Digging Up Words
I'm almost done reading Charlotte Bronte's Jane Eyre! I've only ever seen a couple of movie versions of it (they weren't really that great). Reading the actual book, the actual words that Charlotte penned, is so much better than I expected. It's actually more engaging than Emily Bronte's Wuthering Heights, which I never even finished, having never gotten past the first three pages as a result of Emily's writing style. But to each her own, I guess. I'm reading the Norton Critical Edition of Jane Eyre, complete with literary criticisms, transcriptions of letters Charlotte wrote to her publishers, and essays on feminism.
I also downloaded a few e-books from this website called Scribd, including a series about vampires. If you haven't already guessed, I'm a sucker for these kinds of stories... Excuse the pun. Although, in my defense, I've been a fan of vampire stories since I was twelve years old, when I saw a movie version of Bram Stoker's Dracula starring Gary Oldman and Winona Ryder (which I think came out in 1992) and also some episodes of Buffy (they were random, and I'd watch them when I had the time), as well as the original film that inspired the Buffy TV series. Since then I read Dracula, and I read Amelia Atwater-Rhodes's Den of Shadows series (and a couple of her shape-shifter stories), some stand-alone chick-lit novels featuring the bloodsuckers, and of course (which is probably in every pre-teen's literary canon -- I say this in the sense that these tweens will treat Meyer's stories as if they were Gospel truth. Shocked? Me, too.) the Twilight Saga. So enough explanation.
I like vampires. Even though I was completely terrified of them in the 1st grade after watching Nosferatu and those documentaries on the paranormal. I was so scared that I actually slept with my covers over my head, thinking that my blanky was a nifty shield against any bat that might crawl through my window looking to suck the life out of my neck.
Yeah, I know. I had a vivid imagination as a kid. Didn't you?
Anyway, if you're just looking for something entertaining, funny, and refreshing to read, I suggest you check out the Blood Coven series by Mari Mancusi.
I'm planning on reading them next, once I finish Jane Eyre and the last installment of L.J. Smith's Vampire Diaries. If you're interested in reading the Blood Coven series, just let me know. I can send you the ebooks.
I'm also planning to read the books by Charlaine Harris on which the HBO TV series True Blood is based. I'm still waiting for season 3 to start.
Ditto with The Vampire Diaries. I'm almost done with the last book. The only thing I'll be looking foward to in the fall would be season 2 -- it's getting really juicy, what with Damon suddenly trying to be good in order to impress Elena (who's already taken by Stefan and only sees Damon as a friend) and Katharine (YES, Elena's doppleganger) comes back to Mystic Falls!
While I have these two shows/book series in mind, I have to share my current TV infatuations (aside from Ethan Peck, who doesn't play a vampire, hehe). And the gorgeous guys are...
Vampires must really dig leather, the way Victorians had a fetish for lace, don't you think? "You can be my leather. Take from me my lace..." Hahaha!
They can bite my neck anytime! At least, the fictional characters that they portray on television can. I heard they have girlfriends in real life (go figure), so if I got anyone's hopes up... Sorry. Now that that's out of the way, permit me to throw a bucket of ice water over my head. Ahem.
I'm back. That was refreshing. Okay, I didn't literally do that. But I did wash my face and drink some water, which did the trick. So, where was I? Oh, yes. I just finished my vampire-obsession spiel, hehe.
As for my own writing...
For the past couple of weeks, let me put it in terms of Lolcats:
However, I also had some progress. After ignoring the story I've been working on for quite some time, I finally listened to the nagging voice in the back of my brain that kept telling me something was off. I just didn't know what it was at the time. But now I do.
The timing -- the pacing of the story was going too fast, with not enough conflicts in each chapter, and not enough appearances of a major character. Plus, I had some major editing to do with chapters that I felt didn't flow that well to fit in with the rest of the plot points. I've also had to do some character study -- that is to say, I had to imagine the world through the other characters' perspectives in order to understand their motivations behind their actions. They seemed kind of... hollow until I focused on them somewhat more, creating their backstories (even if I wasn't really going to use most of it). And so, with all of this bouncing back and forth, and some Facebooking in between (Sorority Life is ridiculous, but so addictive!), I tried my best. I even stopped searching for good music for a while because that tends to greatly distract me from ever getting anywhere.
Though I did find some more interesting songs -- some of them recommended by a couple of friends and others discovered on Purevolume or on one of the online AOL indie rock stations -- I eventually decided that I'd probably be better off writing in silence for a bit.
So far?
The silence (save for the whirring of the electric fan amid the summer heat) helped me regain focus a little. I was able to write a few more pages. Granted, there's always editing to do, but at least for the time being, I got somewhere. I also figured out how to add more scenes in between to make the plot richer with more conflict and more ways to torture my protagonist (not that I hate her or anything... but whining is a big thing with her, so if you plan to read any excerpts I decide to put up in the future, be forewarned, hehe).
In any case, I'm off to write again. And then explore the new literature blogs I found after I run out of steam, like this one that gives book reviews (sorry, they talk about vampires again -- but they talk about other things in their posts, too! I swear!): Litbites.
Until next time, friends!
I also downloaded a few e-books from this website called Scribd, including a series about vampires. If you haven't already guessed, I'm a sucker for these kinds of stories... Excuse the pun. Although, in my defense, I've been a fan of vampire stories since I was twelve years old, when I saw a movie version of Bram Stoker's Dracula starring Gary Oldman and Winona Ryder (which I think came out in 1992) and also some episodes of Buffy (they were random, and I'd watch them when I had the time), as well as the original film that inspired the Buffy TV series. Since then I read Dracula, and I read Amelia Atwater-Rhodes's Den of Shadows series (and a couple of her shape-shifter stories), some stand-alone chick-lit novels featuring the bloodsuckers, and of course (which is probably in every pre-teen's literary canon -- I say this in the sense that these tweens will treat Meyer's stories as if they were Gospel truth. Shocked? Me, too.) the Twilight Saga. So enough explanation.
I like vampires. Even though I was completely terrified of them in the 1st grade after watching Nosferatu and those documentaries on the paranormal. I was so scared that I actually slept with my covers over my head, thinking that my blanky was a nifty shield against any bat that might crawl through my window looking to suck the life out of my neck.
Yeah, I know. I had a vivid imagination as a kid. Didn't you?
Anyway, if you're just looking for something entertaining, funny, and refreshing to read, I suggest you check out the Blood Coven series by Mari Mancusi.
Book 1: Boys That Bite
Book 2: Stake That
Book 3: Girls That Growl
Book 4: Bad Blood
I'm planning on reading them next, once I finish Jane Eyre and the last installment of L.J. Smith's Vampire Diaries. If you're interested in reading the Blood Coven series, just let me know. I can send you the ebooks.
I'm also planning to read the books by Charlaine Harris on which the HBO TV series True Blood is based. I'm still waiting for season 3 to start.
Ditto with The Vampire Diaries. I'm almost done with the last book. The only thing I'll be looking foward to in the fall would be season 2 -- it's getting really juicy, what with Damon suddenly trying to be good in order to impress Elena (who's already taken by Stefan and only sees Damon as a friend) and Katharine (YES, Elena's doppleganger) comes back to Mystic Falls!
While I have these two shows/book series in mind, I have to share my current TV infatuations (aside from Ethan Peck, who doesn't play a vampire, hehe). And the gorgeous guys are...
Alexander Skarsgard -- aka "Eric" on True Blood
Ian Somerhalder -- aka "Damon" on The Vampire Diaries
Vampires must really dig leather, the way Victorians had a fetish for lace, don't you think? "You can be my leather. Take from me my lace..." Hahaha!
They can bite my neck anytime! At least, the fictional characters that they portray on television can. I heard they have girlfriends in real life (go figure), so if I got anyone's hopes up... Sorry. Now that that's out of the way, permit me to throw a bucket of ice water over my head. Ahem.
I'm back. That was refreshing. Okay, I didn't literally do that. But I did wash my face and drink some water, which did the trick. So, where was I? Oh, yes. I just finished my vampire-obsession spiel, hehe.
As for my own writing...
For the past couple of weeks, let me put it in terms of Lolcats:
However, I also had some progress. After ignoring the story I've been working on for quite some time, I finally listened to the nagging voice in the back of my brain that kept telling me something was off. I just didn't know what it was at the time. But now I do.
The timing -- the pacing of the story was going too fast, with not enough conflicts in each chapter, and not enough appearances of a major character. Plus, I had some major editing to do with chapters that I felt didn't flow that well to fit in with the rest of the plot points. I've also had to do some character study -- that is to say, I had to imagine the world through the other characters' perspectives in order to understand their motivations behind their actions. They seemed kind of... hollow until I focused on them somewhat more, creating their backstories (even if I wasn't really going to use most of it). And so, with all of this bouncing back and forth, and some Facebooking in between (Sorority Life is ridiculous, but so addictive!), I tried my best. I even stopped searching for good music for a while because that tends to greatly distract me from ever getting anywhere.
Though I did find some more interesting songs -- some of them recommended by a couple of friends and others discovered on Purevolume or on one of the online AOL indie rock stations -- I eventually decided that I'd probably be better off writing in silence for a bit.
So far?
The silence (save for the whirring of the electric fan amid the summer heat) helped me regain focus a little. I was able to write a few more pages. Granted, there's always editing to do, but at least for the time being, I got somewhere. I also figured out how to add more scenes in between to make the plot richer with more conflict and more ways to torture my protagonist (not that I hate her or anything... but whining is a big thing with her, so if you plan to read any excerpts I decide to put up in the future, be forewarned, hehe).
In any case, I'm off to write again. And then explore the new literature blogs I found after I run out of steam, like this one that gives book reviews (sorry, they talk about vampires again -- but they talk about other things in their posts, too! I swear!): Litbites.
Until next time, friends!
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Some Feministic Lulz! (May Contain Twi-Saga Spoilers)
YAY! My finals are over and I am officially on summer vacation! Which means... More time to read, write, watch tv, listen to music, hang out with friends, and relax!
If you thought I sounded high in my last post, you're probably right. I had one too many cups of coffee. Now that I'm a little bit more subdued, thanks to sleep-recovery and a healthy dose of much-needed escapist television watching (DWTS winner Nicole! Woot! I wish Evan won a trophy, too, though -- a second-place trophy. He's a fantastic dancer! And he'd be so HOT as a vampire [skip to 2:24], ahahhaha), let me try clarifying what I meant in my caffeine-stupor post.
I won't lie.
I liked reading Twilight and its subsequent follow-ups (except for Breaking Dawn... stupid hype made me not want to read it anymore. And because each book got more and more ridiculous). I was in love with Edward Cullen. I actually wished I was Bella. I wanted sparkly, marble-framed, mind-reading, sleep-watching Edward for myself. And I also wanted goofy, funny, and totally hot werewolf-changing-mostly-shirtless Jacob Black to want me.
Why?
Because I was 15 years old at the time and I was a hopeless romantic/melodramatic teenager. (Thank goodness I grew out of that phase.)
I didn't know what love was. I still don't. But now, after what? Five years or so? I know it's not as dazzling as Stephenie Meyer makes it out to be in her novels, even though some (or maybe zillions, considering its undaunting popularity) beg to differ. I try to read her books, or any book for that matter, with a grain of salt.
Hence, I joined the dark side. Also known as the "Lolfans" (as coined by blogger Cleolinda Jones), who read and watch all things Twilight for the simple pleasure of the "lulz." In other words, to critique and occasionally (okay, mostly) use comedy as a tool to make social commentary on the franchise.
(Warning: Please prepare yourself for hours lost due to clicking random links [some of them featured in this post] that may either offend or entertain you -- assuming that you actually click them, that is. I'm about to get particularly spammy, posting a host of different links.)
Let's try poking a little fun at literary and pop culture icons, shall we? ;)
I absolutely hate it when the female protagonist defines herself as an extension of her boyfriend/husband/what-have-you. I guess that's why I hated reading Kate Chopin's The Awakening and Leo Tolstoy's Anna Karenina. By the way... why does LEVIN end up happy, and not Anna? I smell misogyny...
In case you're not familiar with Anna Karenina, or need a disturbing reminder:
Anna was a rich Russian housewife who fell for a studly miltary officer named Vronsky and left her husband to be with the dashing hunk. But then her relationship with him falls apart because Vronsky keeps taking her for granted. So after much suffering and grief at how cruddy her life turned out to be, Anna feels completely worthless and gets an idea. In excruciating, frame-by-frame slow-mo...
Here comes the train...
Disturbed?
I, for one, still shudder at the thought. (If you want to watch it yourself: click here)
So you can imagine my reaction when I read the part in New Moon where Bella tries to off herself by jumping off a cliff. As seen in the movie:
Bella, for a girl who reads a lot of heavy classic literature and aces her English classes, I expected you to be smarter! You might as well have some girl talk with Edna, Anna, and Juliet and spill your problems. Just be thankful you four gals are not Ophelia. Poor Ophelia's on-and-off boyfriend Hamlet killed her rat of a father, and even suggested that she go to a "nunnery" (or whorehouse, depending on your interpretation) because he's too insane (gasp! -- or is he?) and dangerous to be with her. Maybe you guys should have a sleepover and a...
A scavenger hunt! Like the girls in this movie!
Maybe you should all go on a scavenger hunt looking for your BFs!
Whoever finds their guy first WINS A PRIZE!
What is this prize, you ask? HAPPILY EVER AFTER!
As for YOU, Edward... you're an arse. There are easier ways to kill yourself than to expose your sparkly self to innocent tourists in Italy and to bring on the wrath of the Volturi. Like maybe douse yourself in kerosene, lock yourself inside your Volvo, and then strike a match? GENIUS.
Here are the reasons why I avoided reading Breaking Dawn so far... but now that I think about it, maybe I should read it. You know, to be an informed critic (and laugh, and then rage at how inconsistent and disturbing the details will be):
WHY IS IT that in Breaking Dawn, Edward gets to have a baby and not Rosalie? They're both vampires, UNDEAD FREAKS, and yet it's the GUY who gets to pass on his genes?! What? Edward has WONDERSPERM, or something?!
And to quote from Cleolinda Jones's recap of Book One in Breaking Dawn (Her words in purple text, while passages from Meyer's book are in italic purple)...
Bella is having a small pre-sexing breakdown in the bathroom. You know, I actually think this part is kind of well done, because I’m sure a lot of teenage girls reading the book can relate to anxiety about having sex for the first time. I mean, not so much with the marrying a filthy rich dazzling vampire, but then, that just makes the parts they can identify with so much more meaningful, don’t you think? Anyway, Bella finally joins Edward for a sensual midnight swim, and MAN, that was an abrupt fade to black. Also: TWO FOR FOUR! Thank God.
“How badly are you hurt?”
GOD, EDWARD. Someone thinks highly of himself. Also: STOP BEING SUCH A BUZZKILL, SPARKLESON. But wait!
“You . . . bit a pillow? Why?”
Bella, honey, there's a reason there's a queen on the cover of this book.
“Look, Bella!” he almost growled. He took my hand—very gingerly—and stretched my arm out. “Look at that.”
This time, I saw what he meant.
Under the dusting of feathers, large purplish bruises were beginning to blossom across the pale skin of my arm. My eyes followed the trail they made up to my shoulder, and then down across my ribs. I pulled my hand free to poke at a discoloration on my left forearm, watching it fade where I touched and then reappear.
Okay, that is actually fantastically creepy--waking up and looking down and having no idea that you’ve been all jacked up to hell. I will say sincerely here, well done. Unless… it wasn’t supposed to be creepy. Because it so is.
Also: The pillow-biting will never, ever stop cracking my shit up. Ever. OM NOM ROUGH SEX NOM.
Also-also, you know what? I bet half the problem would have been solved here if they hadn’t been in the missionary position. No, this is not actually stated. Whatever, you know they were.
“That,” I snapped. “That right there is why I’m angry. You are killing my buzz, Edward.”
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I swear to you, I am writing this in real time—I had absolutely no idea she was going to say that.
OKAY, LET’S NOW ANGST ABOUT WHO THE SEX WAS BETTER FOR. SURE, LET’S DO THAT.
He touched the frown line between my eyebrows. “I’m making you unhappy now. I don’t want to do that.”
“Then don’t you be unhappy. That’s the only thing that’s wrong here.”
How about we all stop being unhappy? Look, you go fir—okay, let’s all stop being unhappy on the count of three, okay? OKAY?
Heeeeeee, Edward learned to cook breakfast from the Food Network.
(So many things have—probably for the best—been left unaddressed here. I mean, was it like fucking a popsicle? These are the questions I find myself asking.)
(Also, I foresee some horrifically awkward fan encounters in Robert Pattinson’s future. “So what positions do you think they did it in, tee hee!” He is probably going to want to upgrade the security system in his hair for that.)
Oh, the guilty, guilty pleasures of reading recaps... [insert evil laugh here]
Um, so yeah... I might actually read Breaking Dawn now. When put in the terms above, it might actually be worth the while (especially since the it's going to be split into two movies, with Oscar-winning director Bill Condon in charge of things... wonder if they'll be any good).
I also found this link someone shared on Cleolinda's blog, featuring a spoof on the birth of Bella's daughter. This is just too funny:
With that said, I'd really hate to be Bella.
I'd rather be Buffy.
Or Kat Stratford.
OH, AND JANE EYRE! (The novel which I'm currently reading, by the way.)
I like having strong female characters I can look up to and talk about. They don't let anyone compromise their principles, and they don't let anyone put them in a corner.
I guess that's why I prefer reading Meg Cabot's The Mediator series when it comes to paranormal romance. Heck, I'd love to be Suze Simon, too! (If there's ever going to be a movie version of the series, I'M SO TOTALLY WATCHING IT!)
Here's Meg's parody, which can also be found on her website. I absolutely love her witticism!
Did you answer "YES" to 2 or more of the quiz's questions and are concerned over the fate of your relationship? Call 1-800-BLADE.
So.
Want more Twi-Saga lulz? Enjoy the following links!
Here's a hilarious series of IM exchanges on livejournal that imagines Edward as a prissy, neat-freak scrap-booking virgin:
(Edward's cleanliness and scrapbooking fixations)
(in which Edward is appalled by certain visuals...)
(complete with Edward's laundry schedule!)
"Growing Up Cullen Part 4"
(in which Edward keeps track of Bella's er... cycle)
"Growing Up Cullen Part 5"
(Christmas with the Cullens... oh, dear)
A blog by one of the "Growing Up Cullens" authors.
... And for everything else that has to do with "Growing Up Cullen"
An article from Empire Magazine, thanks again to Cleolinda, in which, I kid you not -- RPattz actually says the following:
"When you read the book," says Pattinson, looking appropriately pallid and interesting even without makeup, "it's like, 'Edward Cullen was so beautiful I creamed myself.' I mean, every line is like that. He's the most ridiculous person who's so amazing at everything. I think a lot of actors tried to play that aspect. I just couldn't do that. And the more I read the script, the more I hated this guy, so that's how I played him, as a manic-depressive who hates himself. Plus, he's a 108-year-old virgin so he's obviously got some issues there."
If you haven't seen Buffy kick Edward's butt yet (which I mentioned 2 posts ago), check it out on Jonathan McIntosh's site. He's the clever creator of the video.
Here's a funny comic... in which Spike feels like he's walkin' on sunshine.
Until next time... Happy reading! ;)
If you thought I sounded high in my last post, you're probably right. I had one too many cups of coffee. Now that I'm a little bit more subdued, thanks to sleep-recovery and a healthy dose of much-needed escapist television watching (DWTS winner Nicole! Woot! I wish Evan won a trophy, too, though -- a second-place trophy. He's a fantastic dancer! And he'd be so HOT as a vampire [skip to 2:24], ahahhaha), let me try clarifying what I meant in my caffeine-stupor post.
I won't lie.
I liked reading Twilight and its subsequent follow-ups (except for Breaking Dawn... stupid hype made me not want to read it anymore. And because each book got more and more ridiculous). I was in love with Edward Cullen. I actually wished I was Bella. I wanted sparkly, marble-framed, mind-reading, sleep-watching Edward for myself. And I also wanted goofy, funny, and totally hot werewolf-changing-mostly-shirtless Jacob Black to want me.
Why?
Because I was 15 years old at the time and I was a hopeless romantic/melodramatic teenager. (Thank goodness I grew out of that phase.)
I didn't know what love was. I still don't. But now, after what? Five years or so? I know it's not as dazzling as Stephenie Meyer makes it out to be in her novels, even though some (or maybe zillions, considering its undaunting popularity) beg to differ. I try to read her books, or any book for that matter, with a grain of salt.
Hence, I joined the dark side. Also known as the "Lolfans" (as coined by blogger Cleolinda Jones), who read and watch all things Twilight for the simple pleasure of the "lulz." In other words, to critique and occasionally (okay, mostly) use comedy as a tool to make social commentary on the franchise.
(Warning: Please prepare yourself for hours lost due to clicking random links [some of them featured in this post] that may either offend or entertain you -- assuming that you actually click them, that is. I'm about to get particularly spammy, posting a host of different links.)
Let's try poking a little fun at literary and pop culture icons, shall we? ;)
I absolutely hate it when the female protagonist defines herself as an extension of her boyfriend/husband/what-have-you. I guess that's why I hated reading Kate Chopin's The Awakening and Leo Tolstoy's Anna Karenina. By the way... why does LEVIN end up happy, and not Anna? I smell misogyny...
In case you're not familiar with Anna Karenina, or need a disturbing reminder:
Anna was a rich Russian housewife who fell for a studly miltary officer named Vronsky and left her husband to be with the dashing hunk. But then her relationship with him falls apart because Vronsky keeps taking her for granted. So after much suffering and grief at how cruddy her life turned out to be, Anna feels completely worthless and gets an idea. In excruciating, frame-by-frame slow-mo...
Here comes the train...
Sigh... Why can't Vronsky love me the way he used to?
There was once a time when I was happy and full of life, before all this misery.
I can see it now...
I was so young, so fair... so innocent and carefree...
I remember diving into the unknown, to feel alive. But now...
I must let go, and free-fall into the abyss...
No, I am not smoking cannabis. I am quite serious about this! That is train smoke you see! TRAIN SMOKE! Do you not know what this MEANS?
Lord, forgive me all!
And now I look like a Jackson Pollock painting.
Disturbed?
I, for one, still shudder at the thought. (If you want to watch it yourself: click here)
So you can imagine my reaction when I read the part in New Moon where Bella tries to off herself by jumping off a cliff. As seen in the movie:
Bella, for a girl who reads a lot of heavy classic literature and aces her English classes, I expected you to be smarter! You might as well have some girl talk with Edna, Anna, and Juliet and spill your problems. Just be thankful you four gals are not Ophelia. Poor Ophelia's on-and-off boyfriend Hamlet killed her rat of a father, and even suggested that she go to a "nunnery" (or whorehouse, depending on your interpretation) because he's too insane (gasp! -- or is he?) and dangerous to be with her. Maybe you guys should have a sleepover and a...
A scavenger hunt! Like the girls in this movie!
Maybe you should all go on a scavenger hunt looking for your BFs!
Whoever finds their guy first WINS A PRIZE!
What is this prize, you ask? HAPPILY EVER AFTER!
As for YOU, Edward... you're an arse. There are easier ways to kill yourself than to expose your sparkly self to innocent tourists in Italy and to bring on the wrath of the Volturi. Like maybe douse yourself in kerosene, lock yourself inside your Volvo, and then strike a match? GENIUS.
Here are the reasons why I avoided reading Breaking Dawn so far... but now that I think about it, maybe I should read it. You know, to be an informed critic (and laugh, and then rage at how inconsistent and disturbing the details will be):
And to quote from Cleolinda Jones's recap of Book One in Breaking Dawn (Her words in purple text, while passages from Meyer's book are in italic purple)...
Bella is having a small pre-sexing breakdown in the bathroom. You know, I actually think this part is kind of well done, because I’m sure a lot of teenage girls reading the book can relate to anxiety about having sex for the first time. I mean, not so much with the marrying a filthy rich dazzling vampire, but then, that just makes the parts they can identify with so much more meaningful, don’t you think? Anyway, Bella finally joins Edward for a sensual midnight swim, and MAN, that was an abrupt fade to black. Also: TWO FOR FOUR! Thank God.
“How badly are you hurt?”
GOD, EDWARD. Someone thinks highly of himself. Also: STOP BEING SUCH A BUZZKILL, SPARKLESON. But wait!
“You . . . bit a pillow? Why?”
Bella, honey, there's a reason there's a queen on the cover of this book.
“Look, Bella!” he almost growled. He took my hand—very gingerly—and stretched my arm out. “Look at that.”
This time, I saw what he meant.
Under the dusting of feathers, large purplish bruises were beginning to blossom across the pale skin of my arm. My eyes followed the trail they made up to my shoulder, and then down across my ribs. I pulled my hand free to poke at a discoloration on my left forearm, watching it fade where I touched and then reappear.
Okay, that is actually fantastically creepy--waking up and looking down and having no idea that you’ve been all jacked up to hell. I will say sincerely here, well done. Unless… it wasn’t supposed to be creepy. Because it so is.
Also: The pillow-biting will never, ever stop cracking my shit up. Ever. OM NOM ROUGH SEX NOM.
Also-also, you know what? I bet half the problem would have been solved here if they hadn’t been in the missionary position. No, this is not actually stated. Whatever, you know they were.
“That,” I snapped. “That right there is why I’m angry. You are killing my buzz, Edward.”
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I swear to you, I am writing this in real time—I had absolutely no idea she was going to say that.
OKAY, LET’S NOW ANGST ABOUT WHO THE SEX WAS BETTER FOR. SURE, LET’S DO THAT.
He touched the frown line between my eyebrows. “I’m making you unhappy now. I don’t want to do that.”
“Then don’t you be unhappy. That’s the only thing that’s wrong here.”
How about we all stop being unhappy? Look, you go fir—okay, let’s all stop being unhappy on the count of three, okay? OKAY?
Heeeeeee, Edward learned to cook breakfast from the Food Network.
(So many things have—probably for the best—been left unaddressed here. I mean, was it like fucking a popsicle? These are the questions I find myself asking.)
(Also, I foresee some horrifically awkward fan encounters in Robert Pattinson’s future. “So what positions do you think they did it in, tee hee!” He is probably going to want to upgrade the security system in his hair for that.)
Oh, the guilty, guilty pleasures of reading recaps... [insert evil laugh here]
Um, so yeah... I might actually read Breaking Dawn now. When put in the terms above, it might actually be worth the while (especially since the it's going to be split into two movies, with Oscar-winning director Bill Condon in charge of things... wonder if they'll be any good).
I also found this link someone shared on Cleolinda's blog, featuring a spoof on the birth of Bella's daughter. This is just too funny:
With that said, I'd really hate to be Bella.
I'd rather be Buffy.
Or Kat Stratford.
OH, AND JANE EYRE! (The novel which I'm currently reading, by the way.)
I like having strong female characters I can look up to and talk about. They don't let anyone compromise their principles, and they don't let anyone put them in a corner.
I guess that's why I prefer reading Meg Cabot's The Mediator series when it comes to paranormal romance. Heck, I'd love to be Suze Simon, too! (If there's ever going to be a movie version of the series, I'M SO TOTALLY WATCHING IT!)
Here's Meg's parody, which can also be found on her website. I absolutely love her witticism!
Did you answer "YES" to 2 or more of the quiz's questions and are concerned over the fate of your relationship? Call 1-800-BLADE.
So.
Want more Twi-Saga lulz? Enjoy the following links!
Here's a hilarious series of IM exchanges on livejournal that imagines Edward as a prissy, neat-freak scrap-booking virgin:
(Edward's cleanliness and scrapbooking fixations)
(in which Edward is appalled by certain visuals...)
(complete with Edward's laundry schedule!)
"Growing Up Cullen Part 4"
(in which Edward keeps track of Bella's er... cycle)
"Growing Up Cullen Part 5"
(Christmas with the Cullens... oh, dear)
A blog by one of the "Growing Up Cullens" authors.
... And for everything else that has to do with "Growing Up Cullen"
An article from Empire Magazine, thanks again to Cleolinda, in which, I kid you not -- RPattz actually says the following:
"When you read the book," says Pattinson, looking appropriately pallid and interesting even without makeup, "it's like, 'Edward Cullen was so beautiful I creamed myself.' I mean, every line is like that. He's the most ridiculous person who's so amazing at everything. I think a lot of actors tried to play that aspect. I just couldn't do that. And the more I read the script, the more I hated this guy, so that's how I played him, as a manic-depressive who hates himself. Plus, he's a 108-year-old virgin so he's obviously got some issues there."
If you haven't seen Buffy kick Edward's butt yet (which I mentioned 2 posts ago), check it out on Jonathan McIntosh's site. He's the clever creator of the video.
Here's a funny comic... in which Spike feels like he's walkin' on sunshine.
Until next time... Happy reading! ;)
Monday, May 24, 2010
A Week of (Not) Studying... And Joining the Dark Side: LULZ!!!!!!!!!!
Um... yeah.
I can't stop laughing right now. And the odd thing is... despite me not focusing on studying for my finals, I actually have the focus to work on my novel. I'm a mess.
All thanks to joining the dark side -- by poking fun at Sparklepires.
More on this later. After Wednesday, I promise you!!!!!!!!! I'll tell you EVERYTHING. ;)
In the meantime, enjoy my current Facebook status:
05-24-10
LOL. I'm cramming like mad for my Social Psych tomorrow. Then I saw this in my textbook (Gilovich et al) on emotional mimicry:
"[Jo-Anne Bacharowski] has catalogued different kinds of laughs. You may be embarrassed to learn (or feel validated, as the case may be) that men are much more likely than women to produce 'grunt' laughs that sound like the noises that emanate from the gorilla compound at the local zoo."
I can't stop laughing right now. And the odd thing is... despite me not focusing on studying for my finals, I actually have the focus to work on my novel. I'm a mess.
All thanks to joining the dark side -- by poking fun at Sparklepires.
More on this later. After Wednesday, I promise you!!!!!!!!! I'll tell you EVERYTHING. ;)
In the meantime, enjoy my current Facebook status:
05-24-10
LOL. I'm cramming like mad for my Social Psych tomorrow. Then I saw this in my textbook (Gilovich et al) on emotional mimicry:
"[Jo-Anne Bacharowski] has catalogued different kinds of laughs. You may be embarrassed to learn (or feel validated, as the case may be) that men are much more likely than women to produce 'grunt' laughs that sound like the noises that emanate from the gorilla compound at the local zoo."
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Twilight and Philosophy... and Bella's Smartness... and Buffy Beating Up Edward
YES, two posts in a row! I should be writing right now, but I couldn't wait to sink my teeth into this one!
Whether you're a Twi-tard, or annoyed by the vamp craze, or don't really care either way, I suggest you give the book Twilight and Philosophy: Vampires, Vegetarians, and the Pursuit of Immortality a shot. It analyzes the books, the movies, the vampire fascination, and morality through -- in case you haven't already guessed it -- the lens of philosophical questions. The essays are written by a variety of college professors and philosophy scholars/students, so there's a whole variety of opinions and attitudes, all putting forth to the table a mix of arguments that you can either take or leave as food for thought.
So to give you a snapshot of some of the topics explored in this book, here's a list of questions:
- What can vampires tell us about the meaning of life?
(This one's pretty cool. Immortality can get boring.)
- Is Edward a romantic hero or a dangerous stalker?
(Romantic... sure. But Ed becomes a bit of a control freak, wouldn't you say so? Maybe even borderline psychotic at times? Enter the classic line from Buffy: "You know, being stalked isn't really a big turn on for girls.")
- Is Bella a feminist? Is Stephenie Meyer?
(Um... do vampires ever stop drinking blood? Thought so.)
- How does Stephenie Meyer's Mormonism fit into the fantastical world of Twilight?
(Bits and pieces of it do... Our attitudes and beliefs help shape our writing, after all.)
- Is Jacob "better" for Bella than Edward?
(Personally, I'd say YES. He's loyal, dependable... everything I'd want in a boyfriend. Oh, wait... I'm describing a dog, aren't I? Sorry, Jake. No pun intended, considering the whole werewolf thing. But I'd still LOVE it if you stopped mooning over Bella and Renesmee and went out with me instead!)
So... my personal reactions in parentheses aside, I assure you that you will enjoy reading the essays in this book. I won't lie to you -- some of them are actually quite boring, especially when it comes to explaining really abstract terms. A whole bunch of "yadda, yadda, blah blah" paragraphs. BUT, there are others that were cleverly written and are very enjoyable and thought-tickling. Like these chapters, for instance:
- "Dying to Eat: The Vegetarian Ethics of Twilight" by Jean Kazez
- "To Bite or Not to Bite: Twilight, Immortality, and the Meaning of Life" by Brendan Shea
- "Bella Swan and Sarah Palin: All the Old Myths Are Not True" by Naomi Zack
- "Vampire Love: The Second Sex Negotiates the Twenty-first Century" by Bonnie Mann
- "Edward Cullen and Bella Swan: Byronic and Feminist Heroes... or Not" by Abigail E. Myers
- "The Tao of Jacob" by Rebecca Housel
The ones in boldface are my personal faves -- they all deal with feminism, a topic I find so completely fascinating and engaging. I guess it comes out of my own horror at actually wanting to be Bella at sixteen years old, when I first read Twilight (which was 4 years ago, mind you). And then when you think about the kind of girl Bella is, and more importantly, the choices she freely chooses to make... it's kind of disconcerting.
The girl gave up EVERYTHING to be with her stalker sparkly boyfriend -- friends, family, education. And what? To go through a fatal pregnancy and become a blood-sucking corpse? Sure, she becomes more powerful and faster and stronger than Edward... but all of that was attained because she GAVE UP her sense of SELF. Some people call Bella selfish, but I think she wasn't self-ish enough, if you get what I mean. I think Bella was immature and all-too-willing to define herself as Edward's beloved. Like Sleeping Beauty and Snow White (I call it the "Some day my prince will come!" fallacy).
Let's face it, girls. Twilight is a remarkable and dazzling read to fill in the void of life's stresses and monotony. Sure, it's rich in symbolism and major themes (immortality, vegetarianism, morality, feminism, just to name a few). But in the end, by the time you close Breaking Dawn, you have to remember that all of it is simply a fairy tale. Just because Bella gets her happy ending (or happy eternity, if you will), doesn't mean that you willl, too, if you make the same exact choices as Miss Swan.
So, to all the Twi-tards out there, EARTH to your brain...
Always keep yourself grounded in who you are as an individual. And if you happen to actually meet your own twinkle-toed "cradle-robbing creature of the night boyfriend" (quote from Buffy), then good for you. Just don't lose complete hold of your senses -- or your fabulous individuality -- over a guy.
Because, girlfriend... trust me. You seriously DON'T want to end up like this:
Here's an article you might be interested in, from the same website where I found the delightful comic depicted above: click! While I don't necessarily think that Twilight has an agenda, there are certain points that the author brings up that definitely warrant intelligent discussion over a cup of coffee.
And in case you guys still haven't seen this... Check this video out!!!!
I thought this video was cleverly made. And that's just an understatement. Whoever was behind this, YOU ARE A GENIUS! Here's the website where you can find out more on this kick-ass spin-off: Rebellious Pixels.
Hope you enjoyed reading and watching these as much as I had fun writing this post. ;)
Whether you're a Twi-tard, or annoyed by the vamp craze, or don't really care either way, I suggest you give the book Twilight and Philosophy: Vampires, Vegetarians, and the Pursuit of Immortality a shot. It analyzes the books, the movies, the vampire fascination, and morality through -- in case you haven't already guessed it -- the lens of philosophical questions. The essays are written by a variety of college professors and philosophy scholars/students, so there's a whole variety of opinions and attitudes, all putting forth to the table a mix of arguments that you can either take or leave as food for thought.
So to give you a snapshot of some of the topics explored in this book, here's a list of questions:
- What can vampires tell us about the meaning of life?
(This one's pretty cool. Immortality can get boring.)
- Is Edward a romantic hero or a dangerous stalker?
(Romantic... sure. But Ed becomes a bit of a control freak, wouldn't you say so? Maybe even borderline psychotic at times? Enter the classic line from Buffy: "You know, being stalked isn't really a big turn on for girls.")
- Is Bella a feminist? Is Stephenie Meyer?
(Um... do vampires ever stop drinking blood? Thought so.)
- How does Stephenie Meyer's Mormonism fit into the fantastical world of Twilight?
(Bits and pieces of it do... Our attitudes and beliefs help shape our writing, after all.)
- Is Jacob "better" for Bella than Edward?
(Personally, I'd say YES. He's loyal, dependable... everything I'd want in a boyfriend. Oh, wait... I'm describing a dog, aren't I? Sorry, Jake. No pun intended, considering the whole werewolf thing. But I'd still LOVE it if you stopped mooning over Bella and Renesmee and went out with me instead!)
So... my personal reactions in parentheses aside, I assure you that you will enjoy reading the essays in this book. I won't lie to you -- some of them are actually quite boring, especially when it comes to explaining really abstract terms. A whole bunch of "yadda, yadda, blah blah" paragraphs. BUT, there are others that were cleverly written and are very enjoyable and thought-tickling. Like these chapters, for instance:
- "Dying to Eat: The Vegetarian Ethics of Twilight" by Jean Kazez
- "To Bite or Not to Bite: Twilight, Immortality, and the Meaning of Life" by Brendan Shea
- "Bella Swan and Sarah Palin: All the Old Myths Are Not True" by Naomi Zack
- "Vampire Love: The Second Sex Negotiates the Twenty-first Century" by Bonnie Mann
- "Edward Cullen and Bella Swan: Byronic and Feminist Heroes... or Not" by Abigail E. Myers
- "The Tao of Jacob" by Rebecca Housel
The ones in boldface are my personal faves -- they all deal with feminism, a topic I find so completely fascinating and engaging. I guess it comes out of my own horror at actually wanting to be Bella at sixteen years old, when I first read Twilight (which was 4 years ago, mind you). And then when you think about the kind of girl Bella is, and more importantly, the choices she freely chooses to make... it's kind of disconcerting.
The girl gave up EVERYTHING to be with her stalker sparkly boyfriend -- friends, family, education. And what? To go through a fatal pregnancy and become a blood-sucking corpse? Sure, she becomes more powerful and faster and stronger than Edward... but all of that was attained because she GAVE UP her sense of SELF. Some people call Bella selfish, but I think she wasn't self-ish enough, if you get what I mean. I think Bella was immature and all-too-willing to define herself as Edward's beloved. Like Sleeping Beauty and Snow White (I call it the "Some day my prince will come!" fallacy).
Let's face it, girls. Twilight is a remarkable and dazzling read to fill in the void of life's stresses and monotony. Sure, it's rich in symbolism and major themes (immortality, vegetarianism, morality, feminism, just to name a few). But in the end, by the time you close Breaking Dawn, you have to remember that all of it is simply a fairy tale. Just because Bella gets her happy ending (or happy eternity, if you will), doesn't mean that you willl, too, if you make the same exact choices as Miss Swan.
So, to all the Twi-tards out there, EARTH to your brain...
Always keep yourself grounded in who you are as an individual. And if you happen to actually meet your own twinkle-toed "cradle-robbing creature of the night boyfriend" (quote from Buffy), then good for you. Just don't lose complete hold of your senses -- or your fabulous individuality -- over a guy.
Because, girlfriend... trust me. You seriously DON'T want to end up like this:
(Image: Kitty from ImpishIdea)
Here's an article you might be interested in, from the same website where I found the delightful comic depicted above: click! While I don't necessarily think that Twilight has an agenda, there are certain points that the author brings up that definitely warrant intelligent discussion over a cup of coffee.
And in case you guys still haven't seen this... Check this video out!!!!
I thought this video was cleverly made. And that's just an understatement. Whoever was behind this, YOU ARE A GENIUS! Here's the website where you can find out more on this kick-ass spin-off: Rebellious Pixels.
Hope you enjoyed reading and watching these as much as I had fun writing this post. ;)
And the search goes on...
The search, that is, for my inner muse to emerge and finally drive my creativity. I'm feeling a little distracted, and sometimes it really frustrates me that I can't focus.
You have no idea how many hours I'd spend going through my music library and just staring at a blank page (or screen, seeing as I'm using MS Word). Or I just end up book-licking over again, editing and revising sections of my novel at a time without actually getting anywhere.
On the plus side, though, I found some more cool music to listen to.
I'm really loving B.o.B.'s "Airplanes," featuring Hayley Williams of Paramore. I don't usually listen to rap, mostly because they're all the same to me, what with all the references to money and cars and "sexy bitches." I'm so glad B.o.B. is different and actually talks about things that are more positive in his lyrics, and even respects women (hence, his song "Nothing On You")! I'm looking forward to listening to his other songs.
And OH MY GOSH. I can never get tired of Tegan and Sara. Their music never ceases to amaze me. If you ever get a chance, try listening to "Fix You Up," "Alligator," "I Won't Be Left," and "Downtown."
I was also doing a random Google search for cello rock bands -- bands that use the violin or cello in their music along with the staple electric guitars of rock. The curiosity came out of my fascination with the band that composed the theme song for the tv show Angel, called Darling Violetta. But when I checked out the other bands, they didn't really WOW me as much. Until I discovered Darlingside (don't ask me why these bands like to have "Darling" as part of their band name... there's another one I know of called "Daughter Darling," but getting back to my point...). So I checked out Darlingside's website and listened to some of their songs. My favorite turned out to be the lovely and mellow sounds of "Surround" (below, via Youtube).
Isn't this calming? :)
I also don't normally listen to Coheed and Cambria (not really a big fan of heavy metal sounding bands), but their song "Far" totally blew me away. Puts me in a daydream-y kind of mood.
It's kind of romantic -- in a sweet, vulnerable, yet powerful way.
Another band that I found is called The Letter Black. They mostly do Christian rock. The female lead singer has some pretty amazing vocals. My favorite song from them is called "Best of Me."
I love how sad, strong, and optimistic it sounds all at the same time. Check out the chorus:
"I swear, You're the only reason I keep breathing
I swear, You keep on giving me the reason to keep believing
Finally I'm worth it, though I'm not perfect
It still feels right, and I keep on giving
Trying to make a difference, in my life
But I know another way to show
Everything I can be for You
You're all that I'll ever need
I'll give you the Best of Me"
The lyrics are awesome!
And if you're in the mood for groovy, funky tunes, try listening to this band called The Colour Experience. Yes, that's 'Colour' with a U, like the British way of spelling it. They're on Purevolume if you're interested in layers of dynamic tunage. "Retronics" is particularly interesting. ;)
Moving on to books... in my next post (just thought the topic deserved a post of its own).
You have no idea how many hours I'd spend going through my music library and just staring at a blank page (or screen, seeing as I'm using MS Word). Or I just end up book-licking over again, editing and revising sections of my novel at a time without actually getting anywhere.
On the plus side, though, I found some more cool music to listen to.
I'm really loving B.o.B.'s "Airplanes," featuring Hayley Williams of Paramore. I don't usually listen to rap, mostly because they're all the same to me, what with all the references to money and cars and "sexy bitches." I'm so glad B.o.B. is different and actually talks about things that are more positive in his lyrics, and even respects women (hence, his song "Nothing On You")! I'm looking forward to listening to his other songs.
And OH MY GOSH. I can never get tired of Tegan and Sara. Their music never ceases to amaze me. If you ever get a chance, try listening to "Fix You Up," "Alligator," "I Won't Be Left," and "Downtown."
I was also doing a random Google search for cello rock bands -- bands that use the violin or cello in their music along with the staple electric guitars of rock. The curiosity came out of my fascination with the band that composed the theme song for the tv show Angel, called Darling Violetta. But when I checked out the other bands, they didn't really WOW me as much. Until I discovered Darlingside (don't ask me why these bands like to have "Darling" as part of their band name... there's another one I know of called "Daughter Darling," but getting back to my point...). So I checked out Darlingside's website and listened to some of their songs. My favorite turned out to be the lovely and mellow sounds of "Surround" (below, via Youtube).
Isn't this calming? :)
I also don't normally listen to Coheed and Cambria (not really a big fan of heavy metal sounding bands), but their song "Far" totally blew me away. Puts me in a daydream-y kind of mood.
It's kind of romantic -- in a sweet, vulnerable, yet powerful way.
Another band that I found is called The Letter Black. They mostly do Christian rock. The female lead singer has some pretty amazing vocals. My favorite song from them is called "Best of Me."
I love how sad, strong, and optimistic it sounds all at the same time. Check out the chorus:
"I swear, You're the only reason I keep breathing
I swear, You keep on giving me the reason to keep believing
Finally I'm worth it, though I'm not perfect
It still feels right, and I keep on giving
Trying to make a difference, in my life
But I know another way to show
Everything I can be for You
You're all that I'll ever need
I'll give you the Best of Me"
The lyrics are awesome!
And if you're in the mood for groovy, funky tunes, try listening to this band called The Colour Experience. Yes, that's 'Colour' with a U, like the British way of spelling it. They're on Purevolume if you're interested in layers of dynamic tunage. "Retronics" is particularly interesting. ;)
Moving on to books... in my next post (just thought the topic deserved a post of its own).
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