First Day of Autumn

Tests, tests, tests: Statistics on Thursday morning, Psych on Thursday afternoon, Philosophy on Friday. It just seems overwhelming.

At least, one way that Priscilla and I thought of coping with the stress of studying was to compose some kind of song from our Psych notes. So far we wrote a verse and the chorus part that went along with Jason Mraz's song "Make It Mine"... but it's a bit off with the beat. I guess that's what we get for trying to find the words to describe the endocrine system and the central nervous system. Alas, we shall persist somehow! We plan to write a song for Philosophy (Dualism vs. Materialism) along to the tune of "Hot N Cold" by Katy Perry (It sounds way better than "I Kissed A Girl," if you ask me). Let's see how it'll turn out, hehe.

Other than that, it's nice to know that there are a few days off from classes next week. Some of my friends are coming back to New York City from their colleges (mostly SUNYs) for the weekend. I'm so excited to see them again and catch up on the summer and the dawning of a new academic year...

Oh, what the heck?

I just want to jump up and hug them all as soon as I see them and never let go. I miss the days when we'd always hang out during study hall or afterschool at Academy. We're all planning to visit our old high school to pick up our yearbooks this upcoming Monday or Tuesday. We also plan to surprise Mr. A, our beloved AP English teacher, and our charming, quirky AP Euro teacher, Ms. Tuite. They taught us so much and inspired us to keep striving for not just the best, but our best. I'm really looking forward to it!

Well anyway, the weather's gotten cooler these days. My allergies just started kicking in - a stuffy nose paired with itchy sneezing. Yick... You gotta love autumn. But if there's one good thing about this season, it would be Halloween. I'm counting down the days till it's All Hallow's Eve, my favorite holiday of the year (besides Christmas... and my birthday, of course).

Now, back to the studying (or rather, attempts to compose study jingles)!

Playing Pretend

Late afternoon, given sunny azure skies and imagination
Instead of nap time, we would play pretend.
We were the knights who tried to quell
The wicked witch who conjured a spell.
She turned into a dragon, macabre and massive
Like the monster in the closet: darkness and death awaited us
Breathing hot flames of rage down our backs and
Roaring. Then we pierced its heart with our plastic swords
And vanquished her. We thought the fiendish beast would be no more.
Other times we would pretend we were pirates lost on the high seas
Aboard a rickety cardboard ship, hunting for hidden piles of jewels.
We sailed away and drifted down the endless abyss
Wondering where we would land, hoping to find a sea of sand.
We would spot a star sparkling from afar and make a wish.
We would fly to Neverland and meet Peter Pan
Living in a world of make believe with not a care about tomorrow.

We were adventurers venturing into the unknown.
But our flights of fantasies were fleeting,
Our skies now a cold, gray slate.
No time for games, but we still play pretend.
We still wear masks and masquerade
Around with the face of pretty poise
When faced with the pressure of reality’s rash noise.

Succulent Sushi, Promising Music... and Insomnia?

Am I nocturnal?

My sleep pattern (if I have one at all) is odd. I'd feel tired by the end of the day, which is normal, but I would fall asleep by 8 o'clock and not wake up until around 11:30 or midnight. Then I would try to do some homework, but sleepiness overcomes me again. What's up with that? I feel like I need a whole weekend just to hibernate in order to rejuvenate myself. Wonder how that'll turn out. I couldn't really sleep properly, so while I'm awake I'll just write and spill the contents currently cluttering my mind.

So, Priscilla and I went to Central Park again.... This time we knew our way and came to class on time. We just sat there on bleachers in front of the Heckscher Baseball Field and flipped through the Hunter Anonymous publication. We were both amazed at the flow of creativity and got some inspiration for our own ideas.

Then after Psych, we met up with Liliana in Union Square to grab some Starbucks and sushi and catch up on our lives. I love Lily's sudden bursts of energy, especially on days when I feel so tired. We were sitting in the park at Union Square, fidgeting with Priscilla's laptop and looking up songs by Jason Mraz. The guy's a lyrical genius! All three of us couldn't resist but sing/hum along to his music, a slightly embarrassed yet still carefree of the fact that we were outside in public.

But at least we didn't seem as odd as the parade of cooks and chefs marching throughout the park drumming on pots and pans. I think it had to do with the event that was supposed to take place - Harvest, as it was called, "a fabulous evening of gourmet food and drink on Thursday, September 18, featuring 50 of the area's finest restaurants preparing their signature dishes." (http://www.unionsquarenyc.org/) It would have been awesome to sneak inside and get some samples... but, oh well. It was mission impossible.

Besides that, I've been trying to find and listen to new music. I get so tired of the songs on the radio being constantly overplayed every so often. I just crave something undiscovered, different - not something that's overplayed like a broken record. Priscilla and Lily also got me hooked on Adele and I absolutely love the song "Chasing Pavements." Natascha Sohl and Karmina seem promising, too. I couldn't help but sway along to "Eye Contact" by Alessandra Guercio, especially since I could relate to it as of right now, so I have her song playing here on my site.

I just realized that this entry was written in an disorganized state of mind. It's all over the place.
Meanwhile, I really just want sushi again. Hehe.

"One step at a time; there's no need to rush..."

If my life was a television show, then "One Step at a Time" by Jordin Sparks would be my theme song. It's so catchy and uplifting, comforting me when I feel lonely.

I kept thinking about how I'm going to get through the years to come: Will I make friends, and not just mere acquaintances? Or will I end up falling into silence?

I mean, I met and talked to new people inside and outside of class. But after a while it becomes so awkward between us when we run out of words to say or a reason to say something. It's like there's a thread of tight silence dangling in the air, begging to be cut, but left to linger. When a group of us would hang out during a free period, it eventually becomes so plain to see that people would break off into their own little conversations, as though they're in a little clique of their own. Obviously, you're more likely to talk to someone who has something in common with you or that you knew before. Earlier this week when we went out for lunch with a group of people from our classes, Priscilla and I were literally sitting in the middle of the table as the group then branched off into their own little bubbles - those who live on Long Island or Staten Island, and those who previously knew each other. We both tried to jump into the conversations that were going on, but in the end, we just couldn't really relate to what they were talking about, and we didn't want to sound as though we were forcing ourselves. So instead we just sat there, listening and occasionally exchanging glances when we heard something funny that someone said.

It scares me to think that if Priscilla and I didn't go to the same college, I would have freaked out even more. I mean, I could deal with chilling out by myself for an hour, but any longer than that, I think I'll go crazy. "How do people do it?" I asked Priscilla yesterday. How do people already find a connection with someone only within the span of a couple of weeks in a totally new environment? I felt like an extraterrestrial observing human behavior, and sometimes I'd wonder if I'm socially inept. I kind of wish I wasn't so introverted and could talk to other people with ease and confidence. But as Priscilla and my other friend Liliana pointed out while we were hanging out at Lily's house yesterday, we're still trying to adjust and figure out where we belong. I just want to meet someone with whom I can really connect with, who sparks excitement and spontaniety to the otherwise "chill" demeanor of most people I've met so far. Not that I have anything against them. But I want to meet someone who's quirky, vivacious, and intriguing, who'll make me smile or laugh with their contagious love for life.

Anyway, having said all this, I'm pretty sure that I still need to adjust. It's just hard getting used to the fact that you're adjusting, that you're not yet in that comfort zone you so crave to have back. But I guess it's a matter of hunting for it, of reaching out to find it. If only I wasn't so scared or shy, then maybe I'd actually get somewhere. For now, it seems I can only take my time and go with the flow.

Take things one step at a time.

I wrote the poem below during my 1 hour break before Philosophy today. It's not one of my best, so I'm not sure if it makes sense. Hopefully the metaphor makes it clear. But I still plan to edit it somehow and actually come up with a title.


I am a remnant washed up empty on the shore,
Seemingly hollow and void of value,
Broken and chipped in one jagged corner.
A whisper dwells inside this brittle seashell,
Barely a pulse, barely a beat,
Yet as hallow as a secret unshared.

I remain unnoticed, unseen, and half-buried underneath
Salty sand, seemingly silent,
Waiting, wishing, wondering of my fate
As eternity stretches out above and beyond me.

The Convocation... and shoes made for walkin'

Today was the Convocation, which all freshmen had to attend from 1-3 PM this afternoon. It was basically a kind of "Intro to Hunter College" lecture, an attempt by the faculty and staff to reach out to the new students and tell them all the great opportunities that the college has to offer. Although some of the speeches made by faculty, past alumni, and current students seemed like they were scripted, they were actually inspirational in some aspects. For instance, Arlie Petters, a Hunter alumnus and currently a professor of mathematics at Duke University, told us all to "synergize." I understood what he meant at the moment he said that, but just to be sure I heard him correctly, I looked up the word on www.webster-dictionary.net:

Syn´er`gy

n. 2. (Med.) Combined action
2. An effect of the interaction of the
actions of two agents such that the result of the combined action is greater
than expected as a simple additive combination of the two agents acting
separately; - also called synergism.. Opposite to antagonism.

Basically, the interaction between a student and the college can lead to possibilities of vast proportions. I thought it was a nice analogy, and it actually got me excited in spite of my eagerness to go home already. But at least the class of 2012 received calendars/planners as gifts.


Right now, my feet hurt. I just bought new shoes at the Payless on Lexington Ave. during the 2 hour break we had (FYS ended at 11, and the Convocation was at 1:00). I found a cute pair of simple black pointed flats that cost only $8, instead of the normal $19.99. My elation soared just as I also found another cute pair - this time black wedge dress shoes with a bow on top. I tried breaking into them, but I just wound up with aching toes and a couple of tiny blisters on the side of one foot. I hope I can get comfortable in them soon, since I plan to wear the wedges this Saturday, for my friend's Sweet Sixteen party. Lesson learned: Oh, the price of style.

These are my new shoes!

American Eagle Emerge Flat
This American Eagle flat features a trend-right pointed toe and a padded insole.

American Eagle Kricket Wedge
This wedge features a ruched, ruffled vamp with a cute bow and padded metallic insole with scallop detailing. 2" heel.

(Pictures & descriptions courtesy of http://www.payless.com/)

Forget walking a mile in someone else's shoes. I still have many miles to go in my own. Figuratively speaking, of course.

"Everyday"; Thoughts on Television & Literature

This song came up on my mp3 player on my way to school this morning. It's called "Everyday" by Toby Lightman, and it got me thinking about relationships with others, whether they're family, friends, classmates, coworkers, etc. I love the message it conveys: All that matters is staying true through and through to yourself. The words are comforting, and they help keep me going whenever I find myself in a bind.

>>Here's the excerpt from the lyrics of "Everyday" by Toby Lightman --

"Everyday is a struggle between what I wanna say
And what I should keep to myself
And the words that manage to leave my lips
Don't hurt me, but they hurt everyone else

And I find myself in need of a pause
I'm not sure why, but I think that it's because
Of this desire to be what others want me to be
Which is nothing close to me

[Chorus:]
But I'll see better when the smoke clears
When the smoke clears inside my head
And I can listen when the screaming doesn't repeat everything I've said
And all that remains me and who I am at the end of the day
And this happens everyday"


On a separate note, I'm pretty stoked about the new shows on t.v. premiering this fall. Last week, I just saw a 2-hour special of one of my favorite shows, "Bones." It's so fascinating how in order to solve a case, all of the characters - whether they're a cop, FBI agent, psychologist, or forensic scientist - have to put their heads together and find all the missing pieces.

I hardly ever watched t.v. last year, but shows like "90210" and "Privileged" on the CW seem promising, as well as "Samurai Girl" on ABC Family. Speaking of which, the show "Samurai Girl" compelled me to finally read the book series by Carrie Asai. I heard the novels are really hard to put down and draw readers immediatey into the story. Hopefully the show holds up to this standard and stays true to the books. I'll be reading and comparing the literature to the t.v. show (yet another one of my nerdy habits, hehe).

It annoys me when a novel or series gets turned into a movie, and the film pales in comparison to the literary glories of the original book or series. With this in mind, I hope the upcoming movie "Twilight" (coming out on December 12th!) lives up to the first of Stephenie Meyer's novels.

So... Here's to Getting Lost.

Wow... I haven't blogged in a while - since March, actually. School always got in the way, what with the AP exams that drew near and my senior year of high school at the Academy of American Studies coming to its end.

I miss those days. Just when you get comfortable, being confident, knowing your place and your surroundings, you have to leave and embark on a new journey - a scary one. Thank goodness I had Priscilla with me. It's pretty funny how we actually signed up for the same block program at Hunter College. We have Psych, Philosophy, and FYS (first-year seminar... It's not really a class in my view, but rather an extended orientation) together. She's lucky she was able to get the credit for AP English, so instead of taking Engl 120, she's taking Intro to Sociology instead. I still have to take it, but I got credit for Engl 220. What bites is the fact that I scored a 4 on the AP European History Exam, and I can't even get credit for it. I was hoping that if I did get it, it would count towards the General Education Requirement (aka GER). But oh well, I guess.
My first week at Hunter has been pretty interesting so far. I like my classes, although it was a bit hard to catch up with some of them due to the fact that I didn't have Internet access at home for about a couple of days this past week.

Anyway, I just figured I'd start a new blog instead of holding on to my old one, since my life has now taken a new turn. Speaking of which, I recently came up with a new quote:

"Get lost to find yourself."

That pretty much became part of my philosophy after a bunch of experiences exploring the city with my friends. Most people fear getting lost because it means losing their sense of control. But it takes a lot more courage to willingly accept it. The point is - it's better finding your way than finding your way out. I suppose that doesn't really make sense. But in my head it does.

I guess what I mean to say is that - not to sound cliche, but it's true - the journey's more important than the destination.

Take today for instance. Priscilla and I have long breaks on Mondays and Thursdays in between our 2 classes. It wasn't just long - it was about 3-4 hours of torturous freedom. Ironic? Well, freedom would be "torturous" if you had no idea what to do with it. So we wandered around the college library, wondering why most of the materials looked like old reference books instead of anything eye-catching or interesting. Nothing really screamed, "Read me!" to either of us, so we decided to venture outside.

Eventually, we decided to go to Central Park, seeking a tranquil natural atmosphere. We talked for about an hour, watching people who looked like tourists snap digital photos from their cameras. We even cracked a joke about ourselves - the irony that we've lived in New York for most of our lives and still lose our sense of direction. Little did we know that it was actually a foreshadowing.

We figured that we'd leave the park at 2:15 to get to our 2:45 Psychology class on time. Priscilla pointed out a pathway that seemed like a shortcut, so I just followed along. It was a long trek out of the park, and we soon found ourselves on 65th St. and Central Park West. The fact that the street sign said "West" should have rang warning bells inside our heads. But instead, Priscilla and I walked all the way to Lincoln Center, where the New York Public Library for the Performing Arts stood right across the street. Did it occur to me that we may be lost?

Not by a longshot. I got too excited that even Priscilla started laughing. So we crossed the street toward the direction of 68th St., thinking that once we hit it we'd be somewhere near Hunter. So much for wishful thinking... We ended up on Amsterdam Ave.

That's when it finally hit us: We were screwed.

We didn't panic, although our adrenaline sure kicked in, pumping through our systems in our determination to get back to where we started. All I knew was that as long as we were near 68th and Lexington, we were safe.

Priscilla worked up enough nerve to ask a group of guys strolling in front of us (who were either college students or high school seniors cutting class) if they knew where the college was located. One of them, who looked about thirteen-fourteen years old turned around and nodded with a casual "Hey." Pris and I just exchanged looks - it was all we could do not to laugh at that very moment. After what must have been four blocks, we decided to ask a security guard in front of one of the residential buildings for directions.

"It's on 86th St.," he said, scratching his head. Apparently, he wasn't too sure himself, so he asked a resident on his way out if he knew where Hunter College was located.
"You have to walk straight through the park," the resident said, pointing across the street where the greenery greeted us once more.

Once more, Priscilla and I walked straight through Central Park on pavement that had a tendency to curl. We felt like joggers wet with perspiration, but without the running. We reached 71st St. when an old, toothless man looked at Pris and said, "You look like my future wife." We just walked faster, shuddering and laughing it off once out of earshot. Like the Little Engine that Could, a single thought kept popping up in my mind: We're almost there!

Despite the weariness and the weirdness, my excitement managed to pique up when I saw the Asia Society on 70th and Park, a place neither of us has been to yet. I kept it in my mind for later, a visit sometime in the near future.

By the time we found our seats in the back of the Assembly Hall in the North building, it was already 3:05, about 20 minutes into the class. Luckily we didn't miss much, thanks to the notes on the reading that we reviewed before deciding to explore the library (and the rest of NYC, it seems). It felt good to sit there after our little adventure. Air conditioning and cushioned seats had never felt better.

If it was someone else lost and confused, frustration and panic would have conquered. But Priscilla and I handled the situation pretty well. Sometimes wandering around can lead you to something you never expected to see. Okay, so we killed two birds with one stone - finding our way back while also seeing a few of the interesting sites on the list handed out to us during FYS the day before. At least we know now where to go to fulfill our "In a New York Minute" (Hunter's current theme for its students) assignments.

Heh... Who knew?

Getting lost "in a New York Minute" was well worth it.