Paradoxical Idioms

Have you ever wondered any of these things?

- When something is "hot" and when something is "cool."
Generally, these terms are used interchangably in reference to something which an individual has a positive attitude towards. Yet, how can they have the same connotation when their denotations are polar opposites?

- A "wise man" as opposed to a "wise guy."
The comparison between these two phrases never crossed my mind until I heard it mentioned in a commercial on the radio (I forget for which product). A "wise man" is usually respected, whereas a "wise guy" is looked down upon and often derided.

- To "have a temper" and to "lose one's temper."
Let's face it: both mean you're agitated, angry, pissed off. So why would both the presence and the absence of a temper mean the same thing?

Can you think of any more paradoxical idioms? ;)

Central Park: A Natural Haven for the Harried College Student and Aspiring Writer

After more than a week of cold, depressing rainfall, the sun finally peeked through yesterday afternoon. I think that's part of the reason my previous post was a little gloomy and pessimistic in its tone. I guess you can say that I was sunshine-deprived and was in withdrawal last week. Now that the weather's changed, so has my mood. Funny how nature can affect you in these kinds of ways.

I handed in my philosophy final yesterday. As soon as I did, I felt a huge wave of relief wash over me. I couldn't help but feel light and happy. That probably says a lot about how I've been feeling this entire semester. I haven't had much time to really relax. There were too many deadlines (I hate that word) to worry about and too many little things that kept nagging me, especially the little things that came to planning the next steps towards my future. Forgive my bluntness in saying this, but seriously. Thinking about what's going to happen after I graduate next year -- that's some scary shit right there! I didn't want to think about my college and post-graduate future anymore. I was badly in need of a break.

Since it wasn't raining and the weather felt nice, I decided to take my time in heading home. I took a leisurely stroll through the neighborhood around my college campus, relishing the cool summer breeze and city sights as I walked towards 5th Avenue and entered Central Park. There were a lot of people milling about -- nannies with curious little children, mothers with their babies, teenagers skateboarding down the paths, businesspeople punching messages through their Droid phones and Blackberrys, tourists huddled in groups and snapping pictures of the scenery. It felt weird that in the middle of all the honking and rumbling of vehicle engines, there sat this little slice of quietude and solace. Ducks quacked and waddled around The Pond as citydwellers sat in the soft grass and basked in the long-missed sunshine.

The beautiful, sunny, serene view of The Pond that faced me yesterday as I sat on a bench in Central Park yesterday.

It felt nice to sit down on one of the benches facing The Pond and just be. It felt like I no longer had anything to worry about. I mean, sure I still have that Spanish final to take on Friday, but the thought of it didn't seem as daunting as it used to seem. I chatted for a few minutes with my sister on the phone, feeling somewhat sorry that she was missing out on the beautiful weather (she'd been stuck in the dreary student lounge at her college, waiting for her number to be called in order to sort out her financial aid dependency status). Then I sat reading my book for about a half hour.

Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers by Mary Roach takes on a lighthearted and informative approach to exploring what happens to the body after death, as well as recounting some of the major contributions that human cadavers have made in scientific medical research, forensics, and automobile crash-testing. It's an amusing, thoughtful, and enlightening read. My sister, whose interests include forensic science, recommended the book to me when she found out that I was researching the history of body-snatching for the backstory of one of my characters. Though I thoroughly enjoy reading Roach's anecdotal accounts of the cadavers she's encountered throughout her research in writing this book, I eventually had to lay my bookmark between its pages and close the book. Thinking about dead bodies and the process of decay during a sunny, warm, beautuful day in Central Park made me that much more grateful to be alive.

So I put the book down and just sat there on the bench, gazing out into the water, watching the ducks glide on its surface and the sunlight touch its own reflection in the gentle rippling motions of the water.

I spent the next hour and a half just listening to some relaxing tunes on my iPod as I thought about the setting for my novel, a fictional town in upstate New York that's near a mountain forest situated near the Hudson River. I don't visit upstate as often as I used to, so I can't always take in the lovely views of the state's natural landscapes during the long drives to Utica for the annual St. John's Day Masonic parade and festival. For the moment, this pond in Central Park served as some kind of haven, a place where one can get away from the crazy city life and just sit and meditate for a while.

I felt like a character from one of Jane Austen's or Oscar Wilde's works, like someone who came from a family that owned breathtaking natural landscapes around their estate and picnicked beside the serene pond that their mansion or country cottage overlooked. I felt special because the place felt special. Its ephemerality made it that much more precious to me.

West Canada Creek by the KOA campgrounds in Herkimer, NY

That spot by The Pond in Central Park became one of my favorite "happy places." My other happy places include the small creek by the Herkimer campgrounds where my family and I used to visit every year. Some people would go swimming in it and even go tubing downstream into the Mohawk River. My sisters and I never did any of those things, but we would walk along the bank, balancing on the wet soil and smooth boulders that graced the creek's edges. We'd squat down and dip our hands into the squishy mineral-rich creekbed to collect shiny, smooth, and interestingly shaped stones. I'd watch the little tadpoles and tiny fish swim away from us as we placed the heavier rocks back into the water. Sometimes there'd even be dragonflies flitting around us, searching for buzzing mosquitoes and water bugs to eat for its midday lunch.

My other happy place is also located in Central Park. While Turtle Pond isn't as pretty and as awe-inspiring as The Pond in Central Park South, the castle structure overlooking Turtle Pond sure is.

Belvedere Castle, named "beautiful view" in Italian, certainly lives up to its name as the site where many couples have exchanged their vows underneath its pretty gazebo (I've always wanted to get married there, too!). The castle is close to the Ramble and the Great Lawn, and it sits right next to the open-air Delacorte Theatre, where the performances for Shakespeare in the Park would take place every summer. Since the castle sits atop of Vista Rock, said to be the highest point in Central Park, Belvedere also serves as the Henry Luce Nature Observatory. You can go inside the castle and find some interesting natural history artifacts (skeletons and birds) on display. From the balcony spaces atop the towers, you can even bring out your binoculars and go birdwatching if you're into orinthology. I'm a bit of a pseudo-orinthologist myself, having done a little research on pigeons to get more background information for my protagonist (spoiler alert: she's supposed to morph into one at some point). It's harder to spot cardinals flying above among the tree branches, but with a little patience, you might catch sight of one nearby. Ducks and finches are also funny little creatures to observe, especially when they're watching you watch them. Call me a quack if you wish (haha), but I find birds as freaky as they are fascinating. They're highly intelligent and very social creatures, and they need our help in preserving their ways of life.

You might also catch sight of the smaller bird species amid the pretty benches and fragrant, colorful flowers in the Shakespeare Garden, which also sits beside Belvedere Castle. Famous quotes from many of the revered bard's works contribute to the charm and beauty of the garden's inspirational floral atmosphere. Belvedere Castle and the Shakespeare Garden always evoke a sense of serenity and wonder within my inner muse.

If you're in New York City and you need a break from the craziness of the city and the monotony of going to work or school, take some time out of your day and take a stroll through the scenic landscapes of Central Park. Take the time to sit down in the middle of one of these places -- whether it's at the Bethesda Fountain, at a table in the Boathouse, on a bench overlooking The Pond, or on the grass on the Great Lawn -- and just let your mind wander. Feel the sunshine's warmth cascade on your skin as you watch the rays caress the treetops and shrubs with its brightness. Feel the cool breeze gently kiss you with the scent of flowers and leaves beneath its invisible wings. Listen to the birds in the trees chirp cheerily. Watch the ducks and the geese glide gracefully along the water, creating ripples atop its surface. Close your eyes. Breathe in. Feel the fresh air enrich your lungs and soothe you as you breathe out. Repeat.

And above all, friends, don't forget to smile.

Until next time, this is yours truly,
J. Day

Laundry Lists: Washing Out the Stains in the Spin Cycle

Well, hello everyone.

My family and I survived the end of the world. Apparently group of fundamental Christians thought that the world would end on May 21st, 2011 at approximately 6pm because of some numerological "proofs" found in the Bible. These "proofs" don't really hold much bearing on the natural phenomena of the world. I mean, come on. A massive, apocalyptic earthquake in New York City? How abso-freaking-lutely absurd.

In other miscellaneous news... my sister had her birthday party today. She just turned eighteen. That makes me feel incredibly old, even though I'm a pretty young and fresh twenty-one right now. Time just moves a little too quickly for my liking sometimes.

I also just finished typing out the answers to four questions out of the required six on my take-home philosophy final. I'm a little annoyed that my teacher's making us go to campus just to hand him a hard-copy in addition to emailing the darn thing to him, especially since on the last day of class he said that we only needed to email the document to him. I could be studying for a Cognitive Psychology final (I'm trying to shoot for an A-) rather than wasting two hours of commuting on the subway. Whatever.

I'm sick of the rain, I'm sick of worrying about whether my financial aid will still push through for the next academic year, I'm sick of doing all the administrative legwork for my sister's college (she should be the one doing it now, for cryin' out loud), I'm sick of feeling ugly because of the crookedness of my braces, I'm sick of the fact that I can't fit into my old blouses and jeans in the same way that I used to in high school, and I'm sick of studying for finals. I'm also sick of this writer's block I've been having -- the kind of mental roadblock in which I know what to write, but not really how to write it. In other words, it's the problem of articulating my ideas and making them make sense on paper (or in this case, word processor). With everything else that's been going on lately, however, I haven't been able to get much done.

I just want to relax and get this summer started already. I'd rather work on my internship and my writing projects. I'd rather go out and have some fun with my friends. I'd rather go exploring. I'd rather travel to some new city and explore its culture and history. I want to do something and make something of myself this summer.

I apologize in advance if this entry sounds a lot like a laundry list of things that are currently annoying the bejeezus out of me. I just needed to let out some steam before I jump back into the boiling buildup of pressure that just keeps spinning around and around in my head. I need to get rid of some of the thoughts staining my brain and putting a damper on my mood. Maybe I just need some sleep, I don't know. I'm always saying that, and though I really do mean it, I just can never seem to follow through.

Maybe some of the pressures I've been feeling these past few days have been due to my negative affectivity. In the famous words of Oscar Wilde, "We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell."

Going along a similar vein, here's a song by Company of Thieves that's been helping me deal with everything, based on Wilde's wise words. This band's actually pretty awesome -- listening to their music is funky and somewhat soothing all at the same time...

Their newly-released album, "Running From a Gamble," is one of the few things I actually look forward to during the week. I'm hoping I can score a free copy of it from FYE, thanks to a "free album coupon" that the band posted on their Facebook page. I'm crossing my fingers that I'll be able to get my very own free copy. We'll see how it goes.

P.S. I'll try to sound a tad chipper in my next post. I think I just need some time to recollect myself and find some kind of inner peace. You're probably thinking, "Inner peace? What? Is she turning into some sort of hippie now?" By inner peace, I mean is some kind of serenity with myself, some kind of quietude within my mind, however flaky that more than likely sounds at the moment. I hope you're faring better than I am with whatever's going on in your lives.

Writer's Digest, Please Stop Making Me Laugh

I love that this particular Writer's Digest article already has a typographical and grammatical error within the title:

"Should Your Write a Novel or Short Story?" 

Do you see what I see? ;)

*NOTE - Sunday, May 22, 2011, 12:25 PM*
Writer's Digest has now corrected the title. I wonder why...

Haha, oh well. Happy writing everyone! I shall update later.

One Whirlwind of a Week: School, Writing, and Coming to Terms with Realizations

Well, today has been pretty interesting so far. In fact, I've had one whirlwind of a week. Where to start... hmm...

I haven't had a proper eight-hour sleep cycle this entire week.

I had an eight-page analysis due for my Philippine-American Literature class, and it was crucial because as the final paper, most of my grade for the course depended on it. I've been getting pretty decent grades for that class, I guess mostly due to pushing myself to be more vocal in class during our discussions of the text. The books that I've read in my Asian literature classes are well-worth reading. I think I've grown a soft spot for Hisaye Yamamoto, Jhumpa Lahiri, Quan Barry, Maxine Hong-Kingston, Jessica Hagedorn, Carlos Bulosan, and Alfrredo Navarro Salanga. I guess maybe as an Asian-American writer myself, I can sympathize with the issues and the emotions evoked in their works. They inspire me to find my own voice and my own flair in my writing. I can't guarantee it (because I'll most likely forget about it), but I'll maybe post some of my papers in future updates.

As for my Psychology of Women class, things were wrapped up pretty nicely. We all did our final papers on something that related with women and gender issues that we didn't necessarily get to discuss in class. The topics, each interesting and worth thoughtful consideration, varied from media representations of lesbian relationships to purity balls to social and political issues affecting women in the Middle East. I chose to write about Twilight and how it dangerously portrays to its primarily young female audience the "ideal" male as a psychologically and physically abusive partner in heterosexual teen dating and relationships (aka all about how Edward Cullen is a stalker, a misogynist, and a wife-beating sparklepire and therefore should not be held on a pedestal as some kind of romantic hero). Quite frankly, Edward is a butt-head toward his beloved Bella, and Bella is a stand-in for the young, naive and inexperienced female reader who buys into the fantasy rather than the glaring reality.

Originally, I wanted to write about how the women in the Twilight books were portrayed, but if I did that, I'd probably end up mapping out the arguments for a literary critique of character development and going well past the minimum 3-5 pages. I couldn't do all of that in one night, plus I had to squeeze in time to study for my Cognitive Psych test (that class can take a huge toll on you). So instead, I narrowed my focus to the psychological and physical abuse that Edward exhibits towards Bella throughout the series and used statistics provided by the U.S. Department of Justice regarding the rates of stalking victimization, psychological abuse, and physical abuse. I thought that these statistics would be serve as a wake-up call in emphasizing the crucial importance of informing the younger members of the Twilight audience (seeing as their prefrontal cortex, the area of the brain responsible for judgment and decision-making, does not fully develop until they reach their twenties) to be wary of the dangers of abusive relationships and to take precautions against ending up in such situations.

I wish that I had written more and had had more time to thoroughly analyze all the details in order to support my argument, but I did the best that I could. When you've already done your best in such a short span of time, what more can you really do? I just hope I pass the class with an A. I'm trying to graduate with a Suma Cum Laude, so every little point counts towards increasing that GPA. I'm just trying to make my parents proud, and maybe it'll increase (hopefully) my chances of getting accepted into a graduate program in clincial psych. I have a whole lot of figuring-stuff-out to do.

OH, AND BY THE WAY...
While still kind of on the topic of Twilight... check out this newspaper's website. That's right. I only found out about it this month, but I was excited nonetheless: my blog post, "Precisely Why Any Writer Should Do Their Research," was featured in the "Culture Briefs" section of a February issue of the Washington Times. I'm still amazed that an excerpt of that post was quoted in a newspaper. :)

Anyway, where was I? Oh, yes. On the matter of finding time amid the past crazy week...

Even in my sleep-deprived stupor, though, I was also able to work on that poem I posted previously and also edit another chapter in that novel I'm still working on. I haven't written it down yet, but I also have some rough character sketches for the other major characters. It started out as back story material, but I can see now that, given the research I've done on female medical practitioners during the middle ages as well as on body-snatching and the theft of organs for transplants, I can totally write entire book for some of the key characters that would serve as a prequel for the story I'm working on right now. It's probably going to take me another couple of years to work everything out, but in the end I think it'll be worth it. I don't want to be another Stephenie Meyer, publishing works that have so many factual, commonsense and grammatical errors. I'd rather be J.K. Rowling, publishing works that she took years to craft with engaging conflicts, engaging characters who develop backbones and stand up for what they believe is morally and ethically right, and a unique flair of writing that keeps the reader turning the pages and wanting more. I just have to make the time between classes and my other real-life responsibilities in order to really make it work. More updates on this later.

As for other miscellaneous updates --

Remember in a previous post, "Only Fooling Myself... Or Am I?", that I was supposed to meet up with a certain someone? Well, I did. And it went all right. Not quite what I had in mind, but it went all right nonetheless. To be honest, I feel a little relieved. I got so worried over something so trivial this weekend that I'm actually laughing about it now. I realize now how silly I've been. And you know what? I'm okay with that; I truly am.

Sometimes you learn that it really isn't you. Sometimes you learn that it's other things, that the guy just has a lot of things on his mind and a lot of things to figure out (job, school... life in general it seems), especially if he just started to work towards a goal. I can't blame him. I could tell from the worried, tired look on his face that he needs to get some rest and take each day as it comes. He deserves a little break from all the stress of studying and the added responsibilities that his job's been giving him. I just hope that maybe we can still keep in touch once the semester's over and stay friends. Sometimes you just have to let things unfold on their own and see what happens.

For now, I'll focus on my writing projects, getting that internship, planning for grad school, and enjoying whatever time I have with my friends and family. I find that as long as you stay grounded, surround yourself with the people who care about you, and keep in mind the important things in life, then you'll walk away feeling uplifted and confident with a strong sense of self.

I'll close with a Sara Bareilles song that brims with all the uplifting good stuff. Life, dear friends, is uncharted.

Here's to the summer, everyone. :)

Something to Alight -- My Personal Semantic

I know I've mentioned time and again that I would post something I've written, and yet have failed to do so on a number of occasions. So instead of merely mentioning it, I've decided to post a poem that I've been working on since I was sixteen. I wrote it about four years ago for a self-portrait project in my English class when I was still a junior in high school. I'm currently using it as a device in the novel that I'm working on, so it's undergone some major changes from the original version.

It probably still needs some reworking and improvement, so I'd love to hear any comments about it if you have any. I don't really have an official title for it now, but in the meantime I've been calling it "Something to Alight -- My Personal Semantic."

Here goes nothing...

Something to Alight -- My Personal Semantic

I am a bottle with a secret message inside
Floating and drifting away, hoping someone finds me
in the tumult of the tides.

I am a thorny flower beginning to bloom,
Fazed by the beauty of the rest of the garden,
Struggling to stand up straight and
Not wilt too soon.

I am an open book, my pages a chronicle in the making.
But most fail to read between the lines for
The invisible ink fools those who
Think they've read the whole story.

Try to define its words like the sages.
I dare you to confine me within these pages,
To capture the essence, the nonsense verse of my personal semantic,
My abstraction.

Go on, I dare you. Rip me apart. Break me open.
Burn the script and bury its spine in sand.
All you’ll get are blisters in your hands.

All you’ll ever find are the fractions
Of the savage boom-boom within this
Cage that’s rusted over with the
Brown-red residue of shadow and shame.

I blunt my words until they hurt
More than the sharpest sword
Severing skin and searing sinew,
Shattering my walls as I linger,
Waiting, withering, wanting

Something to alight.

As I scream aloud to breathe anew,
My heart and mind ablaze
Flickering bright white and blue.

I am fed with oxygen
My life renewed.

I'm Only Fooling Myself... Or Am I?

It's been months since I last updated, and all because of this long, crazy semester that's about to come to an end. Although I have looked forward to summer ever since February, I'm also feeling kind of wistful that the craziness is winding down. I've learned a lot lately -- about my family, about my friends, about my career goals, and about myself. I'm applying for those internships, and I'm going to put myself out there as a confident young woman who knows what she wants and strives to work toward her goals.

Some of you have probably wondered about the weird sense of hopelessness in that previous entry that I wrote way back in February -- please disregard that. I got over it (thank goodness!). It was a stupid and trivial little thing, something that shouldn't have even crossed my mind in the first place because of obvious circumstances (he had a girlfriend, and oh yeah, he was teaching one of my classes. I know, I had a bit of a lapse in judgment, haha). Now that that's done and over with, I've gotten on with completing the requirements for my major (6 more credits, and I'm done! I still have 24 credits to complete in order to graduate, though) and moved on with other interests.

With that said, prepare yourself for another silly thing that will probably make me sound like I'm in high school all over again...

In between the worrying about upcoming tests in cognitive theories, folk psychology, Power-point presentations on media portrayals of women, and tackling literary critique essays for my classes, I think that I stumbled and fell upon something wonderful.

So there's this guy... (Haha, that sounds so stupid already.) and I have a theory that he likes me.

It's been years since I was actually interested in a
guy, let alone someone whom I could envision myself having a really strong connection with. I still haven't dated anyone, but I'm not in any rush. I'd rather take things as they come, one step at a time.

There didn't seem to be any harm in talking to him, especially since we seemed confused over the same topics in class and he seemed like a really nice person. We'd look at each other and say "hi" from time to time. One time we made eye contact after taking a test, and he made a huge effort to smile and wave to me. It came out as kind of awkward and yet so adorable at the same time. He seemed like a genuinely sweet guy. So I worked up the courage to sit next to him and ask him questions about the homework that our professor would assign.

I was nervous as hell, but I tried to be nonchalant and helpful whenever we partnered up for group work and discussed the questions in the given exercises. We even kind of joked around with each other, and he actually laughed at some of the things I'd say even though I didn't think my comments were that funny to begin with. He'd get fidgety around me, start blushing when I talk to him, glance my way every so often, and even smile at me. When I casually asked about how his weekend was, he blushed, looked me in the eyes, and gave me a huge grin, like he was surprised and pleased that I actually asked him that question. I pretty much melted right then and there. I couldn't help but smile back at him.

It seemed like it would be alright to try to get to know him better as a friend, and since we were both confused over the same topics that would be covered in the final exam, I asked him if he wanted to study with me sometime, just to see how he'd respond. Mind you, that's the first I ever actually asked a guy if he wanted to spend some time together with me.

It shouldn't even be that big of a deal. I'd decided that if I truly was a feminist who believed in equality, then why the hell not ask him if he wanted to study together? Screw the mind games and just straight out ask him. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

So I mustered up whatever courage I could, thinking that it's now or never, and then walked up to him after class and said, "Hey, I was just thinking... since we're both confused and having trouble with the same chapter, do you want to study together for the final?"

I didn't even think he would say yes, especially since he seemed distracted with so many other things going on with his other classes, and because he seemed busy in arranging the books in his bag when I asked him. He was even turning red, and I thought he'd pass on the suggestion. But as soon as I said it, he looked me straight in the eyes and said, "I'd love to."

I couldn't breathe. I was floored. I felt like I was having one of those dreams that seemed too good to be true. He didn't just say, "Sure" or "Yeah, that would be helpful." He said, "I'd love to." I'd love to.

And then he took out his phone and asked me for my  number. I didn't think he'd even do that, since we would see each other again the next week for class, but in any case, it happened. We exchanged phone numbers, and he penciled me into his planner!

Maybe I invested too much hope in this one little phrase, but I couldn't help but get excited. I couldn't stop smiling to myself. Even my friends were overjoyed when I told them what just happened. They pretty much scared me when I saw them jumping up and down and squealing in excitement. It turns out that I'd done what neither of them had the guts to do: ask a guy I'm interested in to spend some time with me.

I suppose I was pretty brave. I still couldn't believe that I asked him and that he actually agreed to meet with geeky, glasses-wearing, braces-wearing, somewhat-shy-and-slightly-socially-awkward me. I was so happy and so full of hope that I couldn't think about anything else during that entire weekend.

But then yesterday, he didn't really talk to me much. When we were confirming our plans to study, he got a little... weird on me. He still laughed at some of the things I'd said and we still exchanged smiles with each other, but when it came to planning the where and when of our study session, he looked a little... overwhelmed. Freaked out. Maybe I scared him. I don't know. But he seemed incredibly nervous and even told me, "Well, you have my number in case you change your mind." And then he kind of... well, ran away. It was so awkward. And I felt mortified with confusion.

Was he no longer interested in hanging out? Did the thought of spending time with me studying for the final freak him out? Did he think I was being too forward in saying that I actually didn't have class that day?

OH GOD. I probably shouldn't have told him that. I think it made him nervous.

I feel like I'm Gigi from He's Just Not That Into You. I wanted to kick myself so badly.

My friends told me it's not a big deal and to stop listening to songs that tell me I'm a fool ("Fools Like Me" by Vanessa Carlton or "Only Fooling Myself" by Kate Voegele, anyone?). I shouldn't dwell on it too much. I should just treat the situation as though I'm just meeting up with a classmate to hang out and study for a final exam that we have together. And they're right. I shouldn't be too emotionally invested in something as casual as a study date (of course, the use of the term "date" is kind of ambiguous here). It's the rush of these darn emotions and the nagging voice in the back of my mind telling me to tread carefully that keeps tripping me up.

For all I know, he's probably just as shy and nervous about it as I am (he generally is pretty nervous and shy around me). My friends helped put things into perspective: maybe he does want to study with me, but he doesn't want to make me come to campus to study when I don't really have to. Maybe that embarrassed him. Or maybe it's just a part of who he is as a really polite gentleman (he's held open doors for me before).

I honestly don't know and there's really no way to find out what he's really thinking. But I'm definitely not going to cancel on him. I really want to help him do well on the final. If I can study and help him at the same time, then maybe there's still hope for us yet in passing the exam! If anything, we might hit it off and hang out again over the summer, even if it's just as friends. That's got to count for something.

As Vanessa Carlton says in her song "Fools Like Me":

"Fools like me / Oh, we love blindly
And the cracks don't count
It's gotta break in front of me...

Fools like me / Oh, we never see
And the cracks don't count
It's gotta break for me to see...

At least I can say / I was not afraid / I loved you all the way / I'd pick the fool any day"

Still holding out hope and willing to take foolish risks --

This is yours truly,
J. Day