New Year, New Decade

As 2009 comes to a close and we begin a new decade, many people would naturally reflect back on the past 10 years of their lives and try to arrive at some new resolutions to follow. I don't really have any resolutions... except to keep doing what I'm doing -- study hard, write, do my fair share to help out my family and serve my community. It's kind of ridiculous to keep renewing one's resolutions like they've expired or something. Just keep holding your head up high and do it, hoping for the best. ;)

What am I looking forward to this upcoming year?

• Finishing my novel (or at least, 75% of it). I've covered my bases as much as I can so far. Got backstories for my main characters with enough detail to write other novels. I'm busy reworking the traditional vampire and dragon myths into something different and refreshing. It's coming along great, and I feel like I'm finally on a roll.
• Traveling to other countries. I would LOVE to finally visit London and see all the historical landmarks I've heard about. I would LOVE to take a tour of Europe, visiting cities like Paris, Venice, Milan, Rome, Barcelona, Madrid, Amsterdam, and Athens. My mom says that we might finally be able to travel this year after all those times I've begged her for an exciting vacation.
• Gaining some real-world experience in a field of psychology. It's about time that I apply for an internship to put down on my resume and my application form for graduate school if I'm ever going to get anywhere as a psychologist.
• The Knicks making it to the play-offs. Okay, so maybe it's a bit of a long shot. But there's always the possibility, even if it seems the odds are slim. At least they don't suck as much as the Nets.

Speaking of the Knicks, my little sister was bored and clicking through videos on the Knicks website the other day. This is probably one of the funniest things I have ever seen:



Obviously, singing is not Gallo's forte. ;-P

As for other interesting things, I found this wicked cool picture last night as I was reading news articles on Google. It's of an opposition supporter in Iran igniting a fire to a police motorcyle in protest of the Iranian government. Here's the link, if you want to read the full article: http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2009/dec/28/iran-protests-regime-opposition

And here is the photograph itself:

It just reminded me so much of one of my characters. He has pyrokinetic powers, rides a motorcycle, and has green-gold eyes. And something tragic happened to him...

But that's all I'm saying about it for now. :)

Anyway, I hope the new year and the new decade brings in a new sense of peace among our world leaders and that prejudice fades out. It's a far cry from the harsh reality, but it's a start. One can always hope.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Yet another year gone by...

I take back what I said in my September post, about my lack of a social life as a result of throwing myself wholeheartedly into my studies and my writing. I didn't get into the Thomas Hunter Honors Program, but I'm not bummed - more free time! hehe. Although I haven't seen my high school friends that often (or sadly, at all) during this past semester, I met a couple of people in my Intro to Soc and Human Variation classes who were pretty cool and fun to talk to. Don't know if we'll stay in touch, but at least it's something.

And why is it that I always attract guys that I DON'T want to be interested in me? Not to be mean, or anything, but I was totally creeped out when this freshman kept following me after my sociology class. My friend Lisa just got the heebie jeebies when she noticed him staring at me for one minute too long. He seemed like a nice guy, but he was so annoying. I didn't like the way he automatically assumed things about you, nor the way he tried to make a joke about bashing little kids' heads after I mentioned my Child Psychology class. That was pretty much the last straw. Thank goodness I don't have to see him anymore and that I'm getting a new phone and changing my number! I just seriously hope he forgets me. I don't want to deal with future awkward moments. Too many of them have already infiltrated my life, and I would rather have amnesia than remember them.

Why can't guys like Danilo Gallinari, Paul Wesley, or Ethan Peck take notice of me? Or maybe I'm just aiming too high?

But LOOK at these guys... If any of them tried to ask me out, I would have totally said YES.

Oh, well. I can still dream.

Part of the fun of writing a story is imagining who will play your characters in the movie that's in your head. And okay... I've imagined Ethan Peck one too many times as one of the protagonists. It helps to think about the way he acts when he's playing Patrick on "10 Things I Hate About You".

So if you're reading this, you're probably wondering whatever happened to that novel I was working on. I'm going to be frank with you: I've written myself into a corner.

I know where I want the story to go, but my own little critical voice keeps getting in the way. Maybe I've read one too many "How-To" guides on writing fiction. All of these rules about creative writing - "Don't do this," and "Don't do that" - have got me thinking that maybe my prose just isn't good enough. And I haven't even shown it to anyone yet, aside from my sister (who gives helpful feedback from time to time). They say there's no magic formula for writing a good story. So why do the authors of these fiction-writing guides have to be so nit-picky?? Thanks a lot for making me feel like crud about my own work. Now I can't get that little nagging voice out of my head. How does one DO that? Ignore it? Drown it out? I'm hoping to do that through some musical inspiration.

I should just take my own advice and run with it. That is, I should just WRITE and forget everything else.
That'll be my New Year's Resolution.

F*** the caustic critic dwelling in the crevices of my all-too-stressed-out mind. Take chances. Let the characters break through and speak for themselves.

There... I feel better now.

Anyway, I need to make a new music playlist featuring these new songs that I've discovered over the months.

- "Fader" by The Temper Trap (this song has become one of my absolute favorites!)
- "All the World" by Fauxliage (it's so mesmerizing)
- "Magic" by Fauxliage (it's instrumental; has a certain charm to it)
- "Substitution" by Silversun Pickup
- "No One Sleeps When I'm Awake" by The Sounds
- "Queen of Apology" by The Sounds
- "Take Me to the Riot" by Stars
- "Cut" by Plumb (it's kind of depressing, BUT it's such a beautiful song)
- "Unforgivable" by Plumb (this song reminds me of Fiona Apple)
- "Manic" by Plumb
- "Damaged" by Plumb
- "Stranded" by Plumb (this one's a cover of the song originally by Jennifer Paige)
- "Live Like We're Dying" (originally by The Script; Kris Allen's is a cover, but both sound amazing)
- "Wanted" by Jessie James

And of course, as a true GLEEK, I can't leave this out!:



AWESOME ENDING!!!!! Will and Emma totally deserve each other!!!! My sister and I were going crazy because we both knew that they were going to FINALLY end up together! I can't wait until April for some more episodes. ;)

Looking forward to the new year ahead.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Bummer with a Sliver of Silver

I can see it now... The forecast?

Bummer.

I will not have as much of a social life in school as I had initially wanted (not that I was really getting much of anywhere to start with), nor will I be able to update my novel anytime soon. The assigned readings for my classes are much longer than I expected, and what's even more annoying is that I have to read some of the text at least twice in order to get the gist of things.

On a lighter note, however, because of my endeavers to maintain at least a 3.7 GPA this past academic year, I was invited by the Hunter College Council on Honors to become a member of the Thomas Hunter Honors Program! Yesterday, I received a letter in the mail detailing the eligability and requirements for the program. All I have to do is schedule an interview and write a 1-page personal statement describing why this opportunity would benefit my education and personal goals (still gotta work on that). I was just... so ELATED to even be considered by the Council, considering the fact that Hunter has what? 22,000 students or so? Most of whom are exceptionally bright and are just WOW when it comes to showing off thier smarts in class. But either way, I'm still going to give my education my all... I have to, if I'm going to get anywhere in life and support myself while I'm struggling to squeeze some creativity into my writing. :)

So yeah. Positivity. That's the key word, the mantra.

And okay, my social life isn't so bad... I made a friend in my Anthropology 102 class (It's on human variation). Her name's Heather, and she's really cool. Turns out we both took the same lecture class on Human Evolution in the Spring 2009 semester, though it's only now that we're talking to each other. It all started when my lab section got locked out of the lab right before class. Heather and I were the first ones to arrive, and so because it felt awkward to just stand and stare around to only read useless information tacked onto the bulletin boards, we just started talking. And funny thing, too - this guy named Woon Mu who was in my Creative Writing class in the spring is also taking the same human variation course. Small world, eh? Okay, well, Hunter's a small campus, I know. But still... After taking a class for an entire semester, you just don't see the same people anymore. Different schedules, different paths. At least you get a pleasant surprise when you see them again unexpectedly.

On a separate note,  let me just rant about companies who say they have the best quality service, but fall desperately flat when you've finally paid for their services (which is just as crappy).
Here is the list ---

Numero uno: Verizon
High speed Internet? A joke. Even though all my connections and wires were impeccably intact, I would get intermittent Internet service. It's like playing  a random game of peek-a-boo: first you see it, then you don't. Or, as was the scenario that occurred most of the time in my experience, you'll see that you're indeed connected to the Internet because the lights on your modem are all lit up and there's the globe icon at the bottom-right-hand-corner of your screen indicating that you're connected. However, once you click on your web browser, you get a huge disappointment. You can't imagine how many times I've restarted the computer and reset the darned modem -- all to no avail. Boo you, Verizon. Boo you.

Time Warner Triple-play is by far the best in service and consistency.

Numero Dos: Dell
Now don't get me wrong here. I love PCs. I enjoy using Dell's quality computers, and their customer service hotline is actually pretty helpful (extended periods of waiting for a technician to answer your call aside). However, when it comes to requesting that a technician come directly to your home to replace some maxed-out equipment inside of your PC (such as a hard-drive or video card that gave out, which my living room PC really needs right now to function properly), they NEVER come within the timeframe you have requested. I know there must be many clients out there that these technicians need to attend to, but really. How many technicians does Dell have? More than a handful, I would hope. And yet here I sit in the kitchen (because it's the only place in this dinky apartment where you can actually hear the doorbell), typing away on my dad's laptop (which should have been mine, but my mother said that my dad needed it for work, so fine, I gave in), blogging and taking a break from doing my Psychology homework and American Immigrant Lit reading, waiting the entire day for the Dell technician to ring the doorbell and replace the video card in my living room computer.

I know my name's not Juliet (though my mom's name is a derivative of it), but I must still ask the classic question: O, wherefore art thou Dell?
And so goes Empty's echo... echo... echo... echo... ec....


Anyway, I just HOPE I finish my work soon so that I can watch Glee tonight! (Yes, I am a proud Gleek!) Maybe tomorrow I'll blog again if I have the time. So until then, sing it loud, sing it proud!

Here's to the future!

How to get distracted...

I got distracted from writing my story because I've been clicking through Meg Cabot's website (http://www.megcabot.com/). She had some fun quizzes posted up, based on her novels and characters. I took two of them. Turns out that I'm more like Jessica from the 1-800-Where-R-You series, and the hero that's the perfect match for me is Jesse de Silva from The Mediator series. The names, I know, are similar (haha). But you should definitely check out her blog - they're hilarious and insightful. And if you hover over "About Meg" and click on "A Day in the Life," I guarantee that you'll be laughing your wits out of your brain when you see just how she gets through writing a complete manuscript. Or, if you're a bit lazy like me (hehe), click here to see: http://www.megcabot.com/day_in_the_life.php

I also get distracted at the mention/thought of Ethan Peck. He's currently playing Patrick Verona in the new ABC Family series "10 Things I Hate About You," which is loosely (very loosely) based on the movie, which was based on the Shakespearean play "The Taming of the Shrew." I know it's not exactly the same, but the tension is still there. Although, I think Kat (played by Lindsay Shaw) should have a bit more of an edge to her. Same with Patrick - Ethan's Patrick is too much of a brooding loner with a staring problem, which is different from Heath's portrayal in the movie. Heath's Patrick had a wilder, more carefree streak about him. But anyway, the show's still funny. I just hate watching it with my dad around, because then I can't go as crazy as I want to whenever Ethan Peck shows up on the screen. Here's why:

Ethan looks so different now from when he played a young Michael Kelso in "That 70's Show." Then again, it's been years. But he was still just as lovely then as he is now. As lovely as the lead male character in the story I'm writing. If a producer/director ever decides to turn my novel into a movie/tv show, I'd want Ethan Peck to play him. Just saying. ;)

I also got distracted due to my new-found addiction to watching the TLC show "What Not to Wear." Free fashion tips for every body shape and lifestyle! All thanks to stylists Stacy London (she has fabulous hair!) and Clinton Kelly (who is really good-looking, but unfortunately is gay). I absolutely LOVE their ideas!

Plus, Carmindy makes putting on make-up look really natural and easy! I know it's not exactly rocket science, but I've been struggling with getting the right shades and the right thickness for eye shadow and eyeliner. I tried using some of her tricks - like using a really light color to brighten up the eye just under the brows and along the tear ducts, and then sweeping a lovely shade right over the eyelid. Although it was kind of weird, having Asian eyes and everything. I mean, where the heck are my eyelids?! But I managed to pull it off nonetheless.

And I hacked off my long hair. It's short - just up to my shoulders. I had Judith, my younger sister cut it for me. My parents were like, "WHAT DID YOU DO?"

But it doesn't actually look bad. My mother just has the compulsion to criticize a lot, and my dad is still stuck in the mindstate that long hair is equivalent to femininity. Whatever.

Next Friday, exactly 1 week from now, I'm supposed to start my sophomore year of college. What I wouldn't give for another month of vacation! How the heck am I supposed to finish my novel if I'm bombarded with long, dry textbook readings and pain-in-the-neck essays, and on top of all that, planning and hosting weekend activities for my service-based youth group???

A bunch of my friends, especially Joanna, are already excited at the prospect of reading the story, but I'm nowhere near finished. It seems that even if I have everything planned out in my head, the writing's going to take longer than I thought.

Ah, the wonders of life.

Oh, For the Love of Writing...

OH MY GOD. I have not written here in ages... and I know that that's all I ever write as the first sentence of my previous blog posts. But seriously. I need to get with the program. Too many little thoughts and ideas floating around in this brain of mine.

In the meantime and between time, I have been living my life normally - you know, going to school (just finished my freshman year and also took a couple summer classes), dealing with the crazy family I was fortunate enough to be born into, hanging out with friends, catching up with some awesome tv shows and discovering wonderful new music, etc.

So, first off... let me just say this:

Don't try going to a free play when an A-list Hollywood actress (aka Anne Hathaway, who strangely enough had the same name as Billy Shakespeare's wife) has been cast as the role of the leading lady. In June, my friends and I tried to wait in line at Shakespeare in the Park like we do every year to get free tickets to Twelfth Night. We usually got there around 8AM to wait for the ticket distribution at 1PM. Then we'd spend the whole day roaming around Central Park and the city until it was time to watch the show later that night. But unfortunately, things didn't really go according to plan...

We didn't get tickets. The last person who got tickets said they'd waited in line since 3AM. Which is INSANE.

And the reason people were actually so eager to watch a Shakespeare play?

Yes, you guessed it - Anne Hathaway played Viola, who was marooned on the island of Illyria and had to masquerade as a man working for Duke Orsino in order to support herself because she believes that her brother Sebastian had drowned... Long story short, it's about a case of mistaken identity and the funny things that love makes us do.

That was the first time in YEARS that a play at Delacorte Theater was sold out (or, more accurately, ran out) of tickets.

But it wasn't all that bad... There was a really cute guy named Zach who worked at the theater that my friends and I just kept staring at. He had that laid-back surfer kind of vibe, and he sort of reminded me and Tegan of John Krasinski, who plays Jim in the show The Office.

Overall, despite not seeing the play, my friends and I just ended up having a picnic in the park and walking around the city. And gosh, was it a beautiful day...

Later that night, I had such a pleasant dream... If only it had come true: There were enough tickets for everyone, and to top it all off, Zach served us dinner while the performance was going on. Steak with sauteed veggies and wild rice. YUM.

I was bummed when I woke up the next morning, but it still put a smile on my face. Oh, well. There's always next year, anyway. ;)

Anyway, I also got hooked on listening to Tristan Prettyman, The Fray, Kings of Leon, and The Script. Their songs are sooo addicting, they're like eargasms. And they inspire me to write some more scenes in the story that I've been forever working on. I suggest that you add these to spruce up your playlist (in no particular order):

• Breakeven - The Script
• The Man Who Can't Be Moved - The Script
• The End Where I Begin - The Script
• Talk You Down - The Script
• Fall For Anything - The Script
• Use Somebody - Kings of Leon
• Sex on Fire - Kings of Leon (James Morrison also made a cover of this song)
• Syndicate - The Fray
• Say When - The Fray
• Enough For Now - The Fray
• Shy That Way - Tristan Prettyman featuring Jason Mraz
• Smoke - Tristan Prettyman
• Madly - Tristan Prettyman
• Love, Love, Love - Tristan Prettyman

I've made a "Storyteller's Playlist" and included these songs. When I'm really stumped, need to feel the emotions of a scene that I'm writing, or just need a break - I click play on my Windows Media Player and let my consciousness float along with the melodies.

So far, I've squeezed in three full chapters within this past week - something that I wasn't able to do during the regular academic year because my focus had been to study my ass off. And now, for the first time in a long time, I can see where I want to go with my ideas and can see myself actually finishing it sometime within the next year. I even came up with a cool title.

And yes, it's a novel in case you're wondering why it's been taking me so long. ;)

I've also been taking inspiration from one of my favorite authors, Meg Cabot. I recently picked up a copy of the first book in the latest series she's been working on, called Airhead. It's more interesting than the title suggests, I assure you. Have you ever wondered what it would be like to walk in someone else's shoes? Ever wonder if a brain-transplant (or, more accurately, a whole-body-transplant) was possible? Just ask sixteen-year-old Emerson Watts, who woke up one day to find that her body wasn't at all hers... but that of Nikki Howard, international teen supermodel sensation. Intriguing, eh? I've already read half-way through the novel, and I honestly can't wait to get my hands on the next one.

Nor can I absolutely wait for Meg's The Mediator series to finally become a feature film!!!!! So move over, Isabella Swan and Edward Cullen. Meet Suze Simon, a teenage girl who can see ghosts, and must help them on their way to wherever it is they're going... and Jesse de Silva, the alluring Spanish cowboy who haunts her bedroom and just won't leave because something is holding him back (and no, it's not as sappy as it sounds... it's actually pretty spunky, hilarious, and clever).

So oh, for the love of reading, and especially writing... Hello, adventure. ;)

Re-Vision and Re-Bounding into Life

Two weeks have gone by with not a single post from yours truly, yet again. Not that anyone cares, I'm sure - except for my own curious soul, which intrinsically motivates me to keep up with writing in the first place.

Classes have just been taking a toll on me. Now, combine that with the restless longing to reach out into the world and make a ripple effect without so much as an inkling as to how to achieve that, and you've got yourself one hell of a predicament.

Lately, I've been experiencing horrible mood-swings. Maybe it's my cycle? Mother Nature throwing a wrench in my biological mechanisms to screw with it? I don't know. But my life is changing much quicker than I realized.

How so? Let me count the ways...

For one thing, my 15-year-old sister now has her first boyfriend. I should feel... I don't know, happy for her? But I feel weird about the whole situation. She is now officially one of those horribly giddy girls high on the rush of infatuation who think that they know what love is. I can't even tell my parents because she asked me not to, and because we both know how my parents would react. "No dating until after college", they've always said.

Another thing that worries me, besides the obvious "what-are-this-guy's-ulterior-motives?" question, is how emotionally fragile my sister can be. She's exhibited unhealthy ways of unleashing stress in the past by taking razor nicks to her arm. She's been made fun of and taken advantage of by her peers when she was younger. If there's one thing I've learned outside of my psychology classes, it's that people who've had low self-esteem tend to willingly please others who seem like they're trustworthy. And she's never had the experience of getting her heart broken by a guy before.... What more if something traumatic results from this new relationship she's established?

Even before that, she's been coming home late everyday because of her extracurricular activites in school - scrapbook club, badminton. Or sometimes, she'd just be hanging out with friends and waste her time instead of productively doing her homework. The girl's failing math and struggling in her Chinese class, and she attends 4-hour SAT prep classes on Saturdays. When she does come home, she throws her stuff all over our room, including my part of the bunk bed. I always have to tell her to clean the mess up, but it almost always turns into this ugly yelling contest that she feels she has to win (i.e., getting the last word in. Childish, isn't it?).

So I must ask, where the heck does this girl find the time to have a boyfriend?

Honestly, I really can't help but worry about her all the time. In place of my parents, I feel like I have to check up on her and discipline her when necessary. She rebels a lot. I know that I was once rebellious at her age, but never to the point where I'd cause my parents perpetual worry. And I understand that she's at that boy-crazy stage because I know I still am. But I don't really think she knows how to safeguard herself from getting her heart broken.

I just... I want her to know that boys shouldn't be a priority right now. She should work on her own goals, her own aspirations, enjoy the wonders of youthful self-discovery. Finding "true love" can wait. It'll come when you least expect it, not when you're looking for it.

I just hope she's mature enough to understand these things because right now, she can be such an unpredictable and bratty "happy-donkey-cigarette" (roughly translated as a "gay ass faggot", a so-called euphemism which she's taken so kindly to adopt into her vocabulary and never hesitates to call me whenever she's pissed at me). I don't know how long I can put up with her insufferable tendencies anymore.

But that's only part of the story so far...

I decided to quit playing Rohan. It's about time I got over the irrational obsession to kill imaginary beasts. What brought about this roundabout attitude? Let's just say that I'm one of those video game players who prefers "PVE" or "player versus environment." One really bored idiot whose character was at least level 50 decided to attack my level 33 mage while I was trying to fulfill a quest. No doubt he wanted to kill Amrita in order to steal her stash of powerful potions, weapons, armors, and several hundred hard-earned crones (which are basically money in this game). That's one of the lovely aspects of playing 'Rohan: Blood Feud': other players can attack your character with no provocation. Whether you're the attacker or the victim, your name appears on the other's "Hit List".

I thought that it was a stupid waste of time to avenge an imaginary character. And let me tell you, I was genuinely angry that this idle idiot had the gall to attack Amrita without just cause. After that, I thought to myself, "Enough's enough. Time to move on and actually LIVE life."

Now I don't know about you, but I think this might make a fascinating research project: the lure of fantasy role-playing games and the effects that they have on adolescents and young adults (particularly those in their 20s and older). I keep wondering if most of the other players I see on Rohan are male couch-potato computer nerds. So far, the other players that I've met through playing the massive multi-player role-playing game were surprised that I was a 19-year-old female and was knowledgable about the game. Most of them were - you guessed it - young men in their late teens and early 20s who sat with their hips attached to their computers. And I hated it when one of them called me "Sweetie" in the chatbox - I knew he just wanted to ally his really weak elf with my advanced mage just to level up faster.

I'm so over computer role-playing games.

Right now I'm focusing on my studies, writing, physical well-being (I shall attempt to do some yoga & other aerobic exercise in my free time), and on my family and social life. I want to give my life a make-over in the places where I feel like I've been slacking off.

I've also gotten into basketball more than ever before. Honestly, I'm horrible at sports (except baseball/softball and perhaps bowling, which I'm pretty decent at) and I haven't played basketball since my last gym class in my sophomore year of high school. Since then I've taken dance instead. But in any case, I meant that I got more interested in watching the Knicks lately. They might actually get a shot at the playoffs this year!

My dad's a big fan of the Knicks, and I guess I've always rooted for them since I was little because of him. But as I grew up, I didn't really pay much attention to sports. Sometimes I'd watch snippets of a game with my dad, but I didn't really understand it much. I didn't feel the thrill of the game until now. I started watching the Knicks again sometime in February and tried to figure out the technicalities of the game, wondering why the fans (including my dad) reacted the way that they did. I listened to the commentators, to my dad's answers as he answered my many questions, as well as to the pre- and post-game interviews of the players and head coach Mike D'Antoni.

So far, I've watched about 10 games or so. It's only now that I'm starting to understand the beauty and exhilaration of basketball - my mind has somehow become attuned to it. Lately I find myself calling out "FOUL!" and "OUT OF BOUNDS!" and "DEFENSE!" even before the sports commentators or the referees say anything about it.

I know that Walt Frazier, one of the commentators, used to be a Knick in the '70s and that he's one of several veteran players to be honored in the NBA Hall of Fame on March 23rd. I know that Nate "Krypto-Nate" Robinson, the shortest Knick, stands at 5'9" but can really slam a mean dunk. I know that David Lee scored 53 "double-doubles" (two-digit scores in points and rebounds) so far, and that he has to break the record of 69 double-doubles within the next 17 remaining games of the season. Larry Hughes scored 39 points against the Milwaukee Bucks on March 10th, resulting in a 120-112 win for the Knicks.

And Danilo Gallinari, number 8... definitely one of the cutest guys I have ever seen. He's a rookie - just got drafted for the Knicks last summer from Italy. His father used to play with Mike D'Antoni way back in the decades of yesteryear. Gallo's been playing professional basketball since the age of 15, and now at 20 years old, he's got a lot of career potential in the years ahead of him. He suffered from a back injury before, and you can still see him lying on the floor in the sidelines during the games instead of sitting down. But he's still got time to grow and improve his game. Please note that my motivation for watching basketball again wasn't solely because of this guy. His addition to the team just happened to be a really nice coincidence in conjunction with my newfound fascination with the sport, honestly. ;)

I can't wait for tomorrow when they play against the Cavaliers, and for Wednesday when they play against the Nets (hopefully they win this time!).

With Spring coming and Easter hoppin' really soon, I feel somewhat rejuvenated. Albeit a bit confused with certain situations, but still refreshed with an overall new outlook on life.

This week I plan to get out of my writer's block slump and actually continue the novel I've started. I also plan to get some fresh air and just explore the city with my friends, just like I did last Friday when I went to my friend's fantastic art show after class. It's been too long since I've done anything that made me feel so alive.

So until then, keep livin' it up y'all.

Flight

Wrote this for my creative writing class...

Flight

On a midnight flight
Out of sight
Lugging baggage,
Remnants of remembrance
Rocking,
Not stopping,
Rocking
Windy turbulence
Howls, growls, scowls.
Pillows plush slowly hush the rushing sleeper
Swimming in sky.
Swaddled in warm wispy white,
Vanilla-drenched dreams drum hushed hums,
Cooing, sweetly soothing,
Steering scorched voices way away.

Distraction, Direction... and a whole lot of Maybe.

So it's been a couple of weeks.

I turned 1-9 on the 8th. Although, I still feel like a kid lounging around the house in my bedhead and pajamas, eating to my heart's content in front of the television. I admit that I actually enjoy the Disney Channel still, even though I say that I'm forced to watch it because of my 10-year-old sis. (And oh yeah, did anyone watch that new show, "Sunny with a Chance"? Finally. Goodbye, Hannah!) I'm just young at heart, I guess. I'll probably still be this way 10, maybe 20 years from now.

I still play video games. Sort of. I wish I had a Wii sometimes, but as of yet... Fat chance. I can't even get myself a laptop. But whatever. Instead, I play online. Rohan: Blood Feud - that's the name of the game I'm currently into right now (just so you know, it's got nothing to do with LOTR). In between chores, studying, catching up with my shows, writing, and keeping in touch with friends, I let myself get absorbed into an action-packed world of mystical wonder and adventurous quests. Purely a distraction, just to escape reality for a bit.

This probably sounds stupid, but I actually enjoy pretending that I'm a Dekan (aka Dragon Knight) or a Dark Elf (aka powerful Magician) out to conquer the continent of Rohan. I have a Dekan named Erawyn (I just made that name up) and a Dark Elf named Amrita ("Ambrosia" was taken, so I just took the its Hindu equivalent. Both pretty much mean "elixir of life.")

For anyone wondering how this game kind of looks like, check it out here: http://www.playrohan.com/

Below is Erawyn, the Dragon Knight. And okay... Dekans are supposed have the ability to transform into dragons by like, level 50, and yet their mounts are dragons. But all nonsense aside, here she is:

Nerdy-sounding, I know.

But it kind of gives me ideas of what to write about. Even if what I've written are mostly scratches on scrap, a little of this and that which probably make no sense. At least it's something. Something to keep my mind preoccupied. I think I finally figured out the direction I want my story to go.

But I'm not saying anything else. Besides the fact that it can be characterized as a kind of fantasy/suspense sort of fiction. It's still in the works. I'll probably share a few excerpts of it, once I finish the first five chapters. :)

Anyway, I feel... I don't know. Odd? Different? Different. That's probably it. But to what extent, I'm not sure I can say.

For one thing, TB (and yes, I've noticed his initials resembles that of tuberculosis, hehe) actually wrote "Happy Birthday" on my Facebook wall. That's a first. It's been three years since that summer...

Long story short:

Three years ago, the summer when we were both 16, I liked him as more than just a friend and thought that he felt the same way. TB figured it out because of his "paranoia". At a pool party, he shyly asked me for a kiss. I swooned from the inside out. The next thing I know, he blames it on frozen margaritas two weeks later.

Idiot.

He still gets under my skin sometimes. I can't even begin to tell you how much he made my day when I saw what he wrote on my Facebook page. It really bothered me that it made my day. If I was so elated, did that mean I was still harboring some kind of subconcious crush on him?

After that fiasco that summer, I couldn't stay mad at him for long. Especially since he kept on apologizing. For cryin' out loud, the dude thought that I dedicated a song to him on my profile, simply because the lyrics were sad (it was actually one of my favorites at the time - "Memory" by Sugarcult). And what did he do? TB uploaded another song by the same band called "Counting Stars," with apology written all over it. Although, I have to admit it... The gesture was actually kind of sweet. Almost.

To this day, whenever we happen to be in the same room at a party or function (because we're both part of the Masonic youth groups), he gets so awkward and just stares when he thinks I'm not looking. What he doesn't know is that I can get paranoid, too. I guess it got the best of us.

I forgave him, of course. I'm not that petty to begrudge him. I just wish things turned out differently. If only...

Damn him for being so cute and funny. For being so fascinating. For caring so much.

My sister knew from the beginning that there was something between us. Maybe I shouldn't have listened to her. Then again... maybe she was right. And I just didn't want to admit it at the time. It just hurt that when I finally did, the painted dream got splashed with rejection. Maybe it just wasn't meant to be, as they say.

Since then, I've learned to shield myself. Tell myself that guys are just... gahhhhh. There's not even an adequate word for them. Jerk-itis. Maybe that's what it is. That's partly why I decided to take Psychology. To figure them out.

But with TB, it's hard to read between the lines. Sometimes he's such a walking jargon of juxtapositions. And just when I think I'm over him, just when I think I'm through - I get sucked back into this jinx he's put me in. Julianne the Jinxed. If he only knew...

Whatever. I'll only keep fooling myself. I'm a little older, a little wiser now.

At least I have my friends and their contagious craziness. On the 6th Liliana, Priscilla, and I were feeling a little adventurous. After our classes were finished, we decided to celebrate both Priscilla's birthday and mine. On an impulse, we walked all the way from East 68th Street to West End Avenue and 63. All because of one line from a song we all loved. Even though there was nothing to see as we stood there freezing our arses off, I absolutely loved every minute of it. ;)

Little things like that keep me going. Maybe I just crave a little more of these little things. Like a nice surprise. (Then again, it really was a nice surprise that TB actually remembered my birthday. But moving on...)

Anything to make my day more... remarkable.

Sighing in song as I sign off until my next post...

"Let me down you say never baby blues don't you ever

I'm used to being one with the misfortune to find

Afternoons run for cover and full moons just wonder

What it looks like here on my morningside

I could try to forget what you do when I let you get

Through to me but then you do it over again

I could rage like a fire and you'd bring rain I desire

'Til you get to me on my morningside"

Can being a "bitch" really be that bad?

I just finished reading Liliana's post on the "Bad Girls Club" and shows like it, which feature incredibly misbehaved individuals (particularly women) and how they act in an environment surrounded by others with similar unsavory personality traits. And it got me thinking about one thing in particular, especially when it came to language.

Namely, calling a woman considered to be either mean, selfish, conniving, or just plain evil, a "bitch."

As many of you already know, the word bitch literally translates into a female dog. However, the word is more often used in the ever-popular vulgar, metaphorical sense. What I seek to find out is how this term became part of vulgar vernacular.

First of all, in Western cultures like the United States, dogs are revered creatures. "Man's best friend," if you will. These lovable mammals, descended from the wolf and domesticated by humans, offer companionship and a willingness to work alongside humans (whether for hunting, sheep-herding, leading the blind, etc., depending on the dog breed). To eat one would be just as appalling as cannibalism (Although, in other cultures around the world, it is socially acceptable to eat dogs, as they are rich in protein). To neglect or abuse a dog would be cruelty, punishable by law.

Secondly, I would imagine that female mammals tend to be particularly nurturing towards their young. The same would apply to the dog, since dogs are mammals. Should a predator threaten the welfare, the very life of their litter, it would be natural for a canine mother to ward the predator off, even going so far as to either maim or eliminate that predator. She would be protecting her young. That's neither selfish nor conniving, is it not?

Lastly, reiterating the idea of dogs being "man's best friend," let's go over some of the characteristics that compel us to cherish these furry creatures (note that I place quotes, since these descriptions are the general perceptions of dogs):

• Dogs are "loyal"
• Dogs are "hard-working"
• Dogs are "dependable"
• Dogs are "protectors"
• Dogs are "out-going"
  
• Dogs are "friendly"
• Dogs are "fun-loving"
• Dogs are ... etc., etc., etc.

Ask anyone if they're a "cat-person" or a "dog-person." I'll bet a majority of them will say that they prefer dogs.

Ergo, considering the revered status of dogs, why is it fitting to call a woman, who is considered to have an insufferable disposition, a female dog?

It just doesn't make any sense to me. And to use "bitch" in this context, is a completely arbitrary effort and a waste of breath. Isn't it funny to observe how we use language?


Anyway, it was just something I was thinking about. There's only so much you can do in your college library during a long three-hour break. (Why couldn't Anthropology lab be longer? Being in the lab, surrounded by primate remains is so cool!) So yeah, I'm just waiting for my psych class on human development to start. After that, I can finally go home and watch 90210.
Or play Rohan (I'll probably explain what that is in the future).

For my birthday, I want a laptop. But considering my parents' tight budget, I'll have to wait until Christmas... or next year. I'll have to settle for borrowing one from the library for a few hours. It makes me wish I had a job - to be able to save up and pay for the things that I want/need. But it's so hard to find one part-time. Oh, well. Good things come to those who wait. I just hope karma's quick about it.

So until next post, thanks for reading!

Back to Work

Winter break is over. The Spring 2009 semester just started this Monday, on the 26th. I felt scared and nervous all over again, because this time there would be no such thing as a "block program." This time, there would be a whole new group of people who I've never met before. I guess that's just one of the things that I'll have to get used to from now on. You will never be with the same batch of people in each class, depressing and somewhat ominous as that sounds.

But on the bright side, I finally figured out how to use the library at Hunter. I think this semester I'll just throw myself into my studies. And hey, at least you can always borrow a laptop from the library for about 3 hours. So it can't be that bad, right?

And although I miss my high school friends and some of the new friends that I've made last semester, at least I still see some of them in between classes. Priscilla and I try to hang out when we can during our breaks. Though, sometimes we both feel like we don't want to make the effort to meet new people because it's hard and often awkward. But there's no harm in trying, right?

So anyway, here's the list of subjects that I'm currently taking this semester.

• English 300: Intro to Creative Writing
  - I think I'll enjoy this class. It has that warm, small classroom atmosphere, and many of my classmates are just as enthusiastic as I am about writing.
• History 151: Colonial Era to the Civil War
  - My teacher's funny, and he doesn't give out tests! All you have to do is read, write, and participate in class. The plus side is that I've taken enough American history classes (thanks to my high school, the Academy of American Studies) to know the basic material. Thank goodness I signed up for it.
• Anthropology (Physical) 101: Intro to Human Evolution
  - It has a sexy title - even my professor said so. It just drew me in. I've always wanted to find out about how humans came to exist, as well as what unites all of us and diversifies our species. And okay... the t.v. show "Bones" kind of had something to do with inspiring me to take this subject. The funny thing is that my professor was a little iffy when describing the forensic branch of anthropology because of television shows. She had a bone to pick with "Bones." She finds the main character, Dr. Temperance Brennan, annoying. I agree with her to some degree, but in other ways, I feel that Brennan just can't help being the somewhat socially awkward scientist that she is. Otherwise, the show wouldn't be the success that it is. But enough about that... Evolution in itself is fascinating. I might actually major or minor in anthropology along with psychology. I'm still thinking about it.
• Psychology 150: Human Development
  - I thought it would be interesting to see how we develop cognitively, emotionally, and physically due to changes throughout our lifespan. And it compliments what I'm learning in anthropology, to a certain extent. So far, we just reviewed the different theories that our out there on the human psyche - from Freud's psychoanalytic approach to the more recent and emerging Epigenetic Theory. If there's one thing I've noticed, it's that you can't learn anything about the human brain/psyche without applying a combination of all of these theories to your studies. This should be interesting.

I wish that winter would be over. I hate slushing my way to class in snow-covered, sub-zero feeling weather. I wish the warmth and comfort of spring would come sooner. In the meantime, here's to lookin' on the bright side.

Especially since I'm turning 2-decades-minus-1-year old on February 8th. I still don't know what I want for my birthday.

It's just a matter of time.

"Hey, hey, don’t pay no mind
We are the second, you’re minutes behind
So you say, 'Yeah I’m alright'
You are the fortunate all the time"

Time is a funny thing: it is infinite, yet we always seem to run out of it.

It would be more accurate to say that we are finite, that we are beings caged by our own mortality, not time. Time exists in and of itself. It knows no boundaries. Only the capacity to allow some distance for solace and healing. That is, if you allow yourself that after feeling weak and wounded from the traumas and dramas of life.

Is time really just one big NOW? We may never know. All we need to do is simply breathe.

Now, after another year gone by, feeling a bit older and wiser, I couldn't help but think, we're all wasted. I couldn't agree more with Cartel, a band that has written these three insightful songs: "Wasted," "The Fortunate," and "Matter of Time." You should give them a listen.

With each new year comes a new purpose. Or so we tell ourselves. Resolutions are meaningless without resolve. Yet, how often do we break those promises to ourselves? We get so disheartened and so disappointed when someone else breaks a promise to us. We get so caught up in feeling so self-righteous and self-pitying that we hesitate to forgive that person. We accuse them of lying. We accuse them of betrayal.

Well, would you feel the same way about yourself if you broke your own promise to yourself?

We are all hypocrites to some degree. And damn us all. We're all wasted if we don't start changing our ways. Don't make promises you can't even attempt to keep. Time and again, it's been said throughout the ages: be true to thyself. The world is what you make it to be. This is your life.

So who do you want to be?

"Cause all you can't deny is held inside
And when we go,
We say goodbye and then we run,
We run away.

From all we can't deny is just a lie.
And when we try to just get by
We just can't get past ourselves.

Cause where you are is where you'll be: always wanting everything.
It's all the same, that you can't ignore
Cause all you want is just to be more.

Cause who you are is who you'll be, and that is really everything.
It's all the same that you can relate.
Cause what you want's not what you're getting.
It's just a matter of time...
It's just a matter of time, 'til you know you'll be somebody tonight."

That's what I'm going to do. I resolve to be true to myself.


On a lighter note, I've been getting crazy random dreams about House and Bones. I guess that's what comes of watching too much television. There where all-day marathons of these shows recently, and that's all I've been doing. I think it's safe to say that I'm obsessed... to the point where I dream that the shows are fused together as one and I'm starring in it. For cryin' out loud, I dreamed that I was engaged to Chase/Jesse Spencer. Not that I'm complaining. It was a nice dream. But still, simply a dream thanks to my compulsive need to get my daily dose of tv.

Time, you really are a riot. Until I get back to work on the 26th, I don't know what to do with you.