Some Feministic Lulz! (May Contain Twi-Saga Spoilers)

YAY! My finals are over and I am officially on summer vacation! Which means... More time to read, write, watch tv, listen to music, hang out with friends, and relax!

If you thought I sounded high in my last post, you're probably right. I had one too many cups of coffee. Now that I'm a little bit more subdued, thanks to sleep-recovery and a healthy dose of much-needed escapist television watching (DWTS winner Nicole! Woot! I wish Evan won a trophy, too, though -- a second-place trophy. He's a fantastic dancer! And he'd be so HOT as a vampire [skip to 2:24], ahahhaha), let me try clarifying what I meant in my caffeine-stupor post.

I won't lie.

I liked reading Twilight and its subsequent follow-ups (except for Breaking Dawn... stupid hype made me not want to read it anymore. And because each book got more and more ridiculous). I was in love with Edward Cullen. I actually wished I was Bella. I wanted sparkly, marble-framed, mind-reading, sleep-watching Edward for myself. And I also wanted goofy, funny, and totally hot werewolf-changing-mostly-shirtless Jacob Black to want me.

Why?

Because I was 15 years old at the time and I was a hopeless romantic/melodramatic teenager. (Thank goodness I grew out of that phase.)

I didn't know what love was. I still don't. But now, after what? Five years or so? I know it's not as dazzling as Stephenie Meyer makes it out to be in her novels, even though some (or maybe zillions, considering its undaunting popularity) beg to differ. I try to read her books, or any book for that matter, with a grain of salt.

Hence, I joined the dark side. Also known as the "Lolfans" (as coined by blogger Cleolinda Jones), who read and watch all things Twilight for the simple pleasure of the "lulz." In other words, to critique and occasionally (okay, mostly) use comedy as a tool to make social commentary on the franchise.

(Warning: Please prepare yourself for hours lost due to clicking random links [some of them featured in this post] that may either offend or entertain you -- assuming that you actually click them, that is. I'm about to get particularly spammy, posting a host of different links.)

Let's try poking a little fun at literary and pop culture icons, shall we? ;)

I absolutely hate it when the female protagonist defines herself as an extension of her boyfriend/husband/what-have-you. I guess that's why I hated reading Kate Chopin's The Awakening and Leo Tolstoy's Anna Karenina. By the way... why does LEVIN end up happy, and not Anna? I smell misogyny...

In case you're not familiar with Anna Karenina, or need a disturbing reminder:
Anna was a rich Russian housewife who fell for a studly miltary officer named Vronsky and left her husband to be with the dashing hunk. But then her relationship with him falls apart because Vronsky keeps taking her for granted. So after much suffering and grief at how cruddy her life turned out to be, Anna feels completely worthless and gets an idea. In excruciating, frame-by-frame slow-mo...

Here comes the train...

Sigh... Why can't Vronsky love me the way he used to?

There was once a time when I was happy and full of life, before all this misery.

I can see it now...

I was so young, so fair... so innocent and carefree...

I remember diving into the unknown, to feel alive. But now...

I must let go, and free-fall into the abyss...

No, I am not smoking cannabis. I am quite serious about this! That is train smoke you see! TRAIN SMOKE! Do you not know what this MEANS?

Lord, forgive me all!

And now I look like a Jackson Pollock painting.

Disturbed?
I, for one, still shudder at the thought. (If you want to watch it yourself: click here)

So you can imagine my reaction when I read the part in New Moon where Bella tries to off herself by jumping off a cliff. As seen in the movie:



Bella, for a girl who reads a lot of heavy classic literature and aces her English classes, I expected you to be smarter! You might as well have some girl talk with Edna, Anna, and Juliet and spill your problems. Just be thankful you four gals are not Ophelia. Poor Ophelia's on-and-off boyfriend Hamlet killed her rat of a father, and even suggested that she go to a "nunnery" (or whorehouse, depending on your interpretation) because he's too insane (gasp! -- or is he?) and dangerous to be with her. Maybe you guys should have a sleepover and a...

A scavenger hunt! Like the girls in this movie!



Maybe you should all go on a scavenger hunt looking for your BFs!
Whoever finds their guy first WINS A PRIZE!

What is this prize, you ask? HAPPILY EVER AFTER!

As for YOU, Edward... you're an arse. There are easier ways to kill yourself than to expose your sparkly self to innocent tourists in Italy and to bring on the wrath of the Volturi. Like maybe douse yourself in kerosene, lock yourself inside your Volvo, and then strike a match? GENIUS.

Here are the reasons why I avoided reading Breaking Dawn so far... but now that I think about it, maybe I should read it. You know, to be an informed critic (and laugh, and then rage at how inconsistent and disturbing the details will be):

WHY IS IT that in Breaking Dawn, Edward gets to have a baby and not Rosalie? They're both vampires, UNDEAD FREAKS, and yet it's the GUY who gets to pass on his genes?! What? Edward has WONDERSPERM, or something?!

And to quote from Cleolinda Jones's recap of Book One in Breaking Dawn (Her words in purple text, while passages from Meyer's book are in italic purple)...

Bella is having a small pre-sexing breakdown in the bathroom. You know, I actually think this part is kind of well done, because I’m sure a lot of teenage girls reading the book can relate to anxiety about having sex for the first time. I mean, not so much with the marrying a filthy rich dazzling vampire, but then, that just makes the parts they can identify with so much more meaningful, don’t you think? Anyway, Bella finally joins Edward for a sensual midnight swim, and MAN, that was an abrupt fade to black. Also: TWO FOR FOUR! Thank God.

“How badly are you hurt?”


GOD, EDWARD. Someone thinks highly of himself. Also: STOP BEING SUCH A BUZZKILL, SPARKLESON. But wait!

“You . . . bit a pillow? Why?”


Bella, honey, there's a reason there's a queen on the cover of this book.



“Look, Bella!” he almost growled. He took my hand—very gingerly—and stretched my arm out.    “Look at that.”
 This time, I saw what he meant.
 Under the dusting of feathers, large purplish bruises were beginning to blossom across the pale skin of my arm. My eyes followed the trail they made up to my shoulder, and then down across my ribs. I pulled my hand free to poke at a discoloration on my left forearm, watching it fade where I touched and then reappear.


Okay, that is actually fantastically creepy--waking up and looking down and having no idea that you’ve been all jacked up to hell. I will say sincerely here, well done. Unless… it wasn’t supposed to be creepy. Because it so is.


Also: The pillow-biting will never, ever stop cracking my shit up. Ever. OM NOM ROUGH SEX NOM.

Also-also, you know what? I bet half the problem would have been solved here if they hadn’t been in the missionary position. No, this is not actually stated. Whatever, you know they were.

“That,” I snapped. “That right there is why I’m angry. You are killing my buzz, Edward.”


AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I swear to you, I am writing this in real time—I had absolutely no idea she was going to say that.

OKAY, LET’S NOW ANGST ABOUT WHO THE SEX WAS BETTER FOR. SURE, LET’S DO THAT.

He touched the frown line between my eyebrows. “I’m making you unhappy now. I don’t want to do that.”
“Then don’t you be unhappy. That’s the only thing that’s wrong here.”


How about we all stop being unhappy? Look, you go fir—okay, let’s all stop being unhappy on the count of three, okay? OKAY?

Heeeeeee, Edward learned to cook breakfast from the Food Network.

(So many things have—probably for the best—been left unaddressed here. I mean, was it like fucking a popsicle? These are the questions I find myself asking.)

(Also, I foresee some horrifically awkward fan encounters in Robert Pattinson’s future. “So what positions do you think they did it in, tee hee!” He is probably going to want to upgrade the security system in his hair for that.)


Oh, the guilty, guilty pleasures of reading recaps... [insert evil laugh here]

Um, so yeah... I might actually read Breaking Dawn now. When put in the terms above, it might actually be worth the while (especially since the it's going to be split into two movies, with Oscar-winning director Bill Condon in charge of things... wonder if they'll be any good).

I also found this link someone shared on Cleolinda's blog, featuring a spoof on the birth of Bella's daughter. This is just too funny:

With that said, I'd really hate to be Bella.

I'd rather be Buffy.

Or Kat Stratford.

OH, AND JANE EYRE! (The novel which I'm currently reading, by the way.)

I like having strong female characters I can look up to and talk about. They don't let anyone compromise their principles, and they don't let anyone put them in a corner.

I guess that's why I prefer reading Meg Cabot's The Mediator series when it comes to paranormal romance. Heck, I'd love to be Suze Simon, too! (If there's ever going to be a movie version of the series, I'M SO TOTALLY WATCHING IT!)

Here's Meg's parody, which can also be found on her website. I absolutely love her witticism!



Did you answer "YES" to 2 or more of the quiz's questions and are concerned over the fate of your relationship? Call 1-800-BLADE.

So.

Want more Twi-Saga lulz? Enjoy the following links!

Here's a hilarious series of IM exchanges on livejournal that imagines Edward as a prissy, neat-freak scrap-booking virgin:

"Growing Up Cullen Part 1"

(Edward's cleanliness and scrapbooking fixations)

"Growing Up Cullen Part 2"

(in which Edward is appalled by certain visuals...)

"Growing Up Cullen Part 3"

(complete with Edward's laundry schedule!)

"Growing Up Cullen Part 4"
(in which Edward keeps track of Bella's er... cycle)

"Growing Up Cullen Part 5"
(Christmas with the Cullens... oh, dear)

A blog by one of the "Growing Up Cullens" authors.
... And for everything else that has to do with "Growing Up Cullen"


An article from Empire Magazine, thanks again to Cleolinda, in which, I kid you not -- RPattz actually says the following:

"When you read the book," says Pattinson, looking appropriately pallid and interesting even without makeup, "it's like, 'Edward Cullen was so beautiful I creamed myself.' I mean, every line is like that. He's the most ridiculous person who's so amazing at everything. I think a lot of actors tried to play that aspect. I just couldn't do that. And the more I read the script, the more I hated this guy, so that's how I played him, as a manic-depressive who hates himself. Plus, he's a 108-year-old virgin so he's obviously got some issues there."


If you haven't seen Buffy kick Edward's butt yet (which I mentioned 2 posts ago), check it out on Jonathan McIntosh's site. He's the clever creator of the video.

Here's a funny comic... in which Spike feels like he's walkin' on sunshine.


Until next time... Happy reading! ;)

A Week of (Not) Studying... And Joining the Dark Side: LULZ!!!!!!!!!!

Um... yeah.
I can't stop laughing right now. And the odd thing is... despite me not focusing on studying for my finals, I actually have the focus to work on my novel. I'm a mess.

All thanks to joining the dark side -- by poking fun at Sparklepires.

More on this later. After Wednesday, I promise you!!!!!!!!! I'll tell you EVERYTHING. ;)

In the meantime, enjoy my current Facebook status:

05-24-10

LOL. I'm cramming like mad for my Social Psych tomorrow. Then I saw this in my textbook (Gilovich et al) on emotional mimicry:


"[Jo-Anne Bacharowski] has catalogued different kinds of laughs. You may be embarrassed to learn (or feel validated, as the case may be) that men are much more likely than women to produce 'grunt' laughs that sound like the noises that emanate from the gorilla compound at the local zoo."

Twilight and Philosophy... and Bella's Smartness... and Buffy Beating Up Edward

YES, two posts in a row! I should be writing right now, but I couldn't wait to sink my teeth into this one!

Whether you're a Twi-tard, or annoyed by the vamp craze, or don't really care either way, I suggest you give the book Twilight and Philosophy: Vampires, Vegetarians, and the Pursuit of Immortality a shot. It analyzes the books, the movies, the vampire fascination, and morality through -- in case you haven't already guessed it -- the lens of philosophical questions. The essays are written by a variety of college professors and philosophy scholars/students, so there's a whole variety of opinions and attitudes, all putting forth to the table a mix of arguments that you can either take or leave as food for thought.

So to give you a snapshot of some of the topics explored in this book, here's a list of questions:

- What can vampires tell us about the meaning of life?
            (This one's pretty cool. Immortality can get boring.)
- Is Edward a romantic hero or a dangerous stalker?
            (Romantic... sure. But Ed becomes a bit of a control freak, wouldn't you say so? Maybe even borderline psychotic at times? Enter the classic line from Buffy: "You know, being stalked isn't really a big turn on for girls.")
- Is Bella a feminist? Is Stephenie Meyer?
            (Um... do vampires ever stop drinking blood? Thought so.)
- How does Stephenie Meyer's Mormonism fit into the fantastical world of Twilight?
            (Bits and pieces of it do... Our attitudes and beliefs help shape our writing, after all.)
- Is Jacob "better" for Bella than Edward?
            (Personally, I'd say YES. He's loyal, dependable... everything I'd want in a boyfriend. Oh, wait... I'm describing a dog, aren't I? Sorry, Jake. No pun intended, considering the whole werewolf thing. But I'd still LOVE it if you stopped mooning over Bella and Renesmee and went out with me instead!)

So... my personal reactions in parentheses aside, I assure you that you will enjoy reading the essays in this book. I won't lie to you -- some of them are actually quite boring, especially when it comes to explaining really abstract terms. A whole bunch of "yadda, yadda, blah blah" paragraphs. BUT, there are others that were cleverly written and are very enjoyable and thought-tickling. Like these chapters, for instance:

- "Dying to Eat: The Vegetarian Ethics of Twilight" by Jean Kazez
- "To Bite or Not to Bite: Twilight, Immortality, and the Meaning of Life" by Brendan Shea
- "Bella Swan and Sarah Palin: All the Old Myths Are Not True" by Naomi Zack
- "Vampire Love: The Second Sex Negotiates the Twenty-first Century" by Bonnie Mann
- "Edward Cullen and Bella Swan: Byronic and Feminist Heroes... or Not" by Abigail E. Myers
- "The Tao of Jacob" by Rebecca Housel

The ones in boldface are my personal faves -- they all deal with feminism, a topic I find so completely fascinating and engaging. I guess it comes out of my own horror at actually wanting to be Bella at sixteen years old, when I first read Twilight (which was 4 years ago, mind you). And then when you think about the kind of girl Bella is, and more importantly, the choices she freely chooses to make... it's kind of disconcerting.

The girl gave up EVERYTHING to be with her stalker sparkly boyfriend -- friends, family, education. And what? To go through a fatal pregnancy and become a blood-sucking corpse? Sure, she becomes more powerful and faster and stronger than Edward... but all of that was attained because she GAVE UP her sense of SELF. Some people call Bella selfish, but I think she wasn't self-ish enough, if you get what I mean. I think Bella was immature and all-too-willing to define herself as Edward's beloved. Like Sleeping Beauty and Snow White (I call it the "Some day my prince will come!" fallacy).

Let's face it, girls. Twilight is a remarkable and dazzling read to fill in the void of life's stresses and monotony. Sure, it's rich in symbolism and major themes (immortality, vegetarianism, morality, feminism, just to name a few). But in the end, by the time you close Breaking Dawn, you have to remember that all of it is simply a fairy tale. Just because Bella gets her happy ending (or happy eternity, if you will), doesn't mean that you willl, too, if you make the same exact choices as Miss Swan.

So, to all the Twi-tards out there, EARTH to your brain...

Always keep yourself grounded in who you are as an individual. And if you happen to actually meet your own twinkle-toed "cradle-robbing creature of the night boyfriend" (quote from Buffy), then good for you. Just don't lose complete hold of your senses -- or your fabulous individuality -- over a guy.

Because, girlfriend... trust me. You seriously DON'T want to end up like this:

(Image: Kitty from ImpishIdea)

Here's an article you might be interested in, from the same website where I found the delightful comic depicted above: click! While I don't necessarily think that Twilight has an agenda, there are certain points that the author brings up that definitely warrant intelligent discussion over a cup of coffee.

And in case you guys still haven't seen this... Check this video out!!!!



I thought this video was cleverly made. And that's just an understatement. Whoever was behind this, YOU ARE A GENIUS! Here's the website where you can find out more on this kick-ass spin-off: Rebellious Pixels.

Hope you enjoyed reading and watching these as much as I had fun writing this post. ;)

And the search goes on...

The search, that is, for my inner muse to emerge and finally drive my creativity. I'm feeling a little distracted, and sometimes it really frustrates me that I can't focus.

You have no idea how many hours I'd spend going through my music library and just staring at a blank page (or screen, seeing as I'm using MS Word). Or I just end up book-licking over again, editing and revising sections of my novel at a time without actually getting anywhere.

On the plus side, though, I found some more cool music to listen to.

I'm really loving B.o.B.'s "Airplanes," featuring Hayley Williams of Paramore. I don't usually listen to rap, mostly because they're all the same to me, what with all the references to money and cars and "sexy bitches." I'm so glad B.o.B. is different and actually talks about things that are more positive in his lyrics, and even respects women (hence, his song "Nothing On You")! I'm looking forward to listening to his other songs.

And OH MY GOSH. I can never get tired of Tegan and Sara. Their music never ceases to amaze me. If you ever get a chance, try listening to "Fix You Up," "Alligator," "I Won't Be Left," and "Downtown."

I was also doing a random Google search for cello rock bands -- bands that use the violin or cello in their music along with the staple electric guitars of rock. The curiosity came out of my fascination with the band that composed the theme song for the tv show Angel, called Darling Violetta. But when I checked out the other bands, they didn't really WOW me as much. Until I discovered Darlingside (don't ask me why these bands like to have "Darling" as part of their band name... there's another one I know of called "Daughter Darling," but getting back to my point...). So I checked out Darlingside's website and listened to some of their songs. My favorite turned out to be the lovely and mellow sounds of "Surround" (below, via Youtube).



Isn't this calming? :)

I also don't normally listen to Coheed and Cambria (not really a big fan of heavy metal sounding bands), but their song "Far" totally blew me away. Puts me in a daydream-y kind of mood.



It's kind of romantic -- in a sweet, vulnerable, yet powerful way.

Another band that I found is called The Letter Black. They mostly do Christian rock. The female lead singer has some pretty amazing vocals. My favorite song from them is called "Best of Me."



I love how sad, strong, and optimistic it sounds all at the same time. Check out the chorus:

"I swear, You're the only reason I keep breathing
I swear, You keep on giving me the reason to keep believing
Finally I'm worth it, though I'm not perfect
It still feels right, and I keep on giving
Trying to make a difference, in my life
But I know another way to show
Everything I can be for You
You're all that I'll ever need
I'll give you the Best of Me"

The lyrics are awesome!

And if you're in the mood for groovy, funky tunes, try listening to this band called The Colour Experience. Yes, that's 'Colour' with a U, like the British way of spelling it. They're on Purevolume if you're interested in layers of dynamic tunage. "Retronics" is particularly interesting. ;)

Moving on to books... in my next post (just thought the topic deserved a post of its own).

Blogger Can Suck Sometimes

I hate this. I'd just finished writing a rather lovely and motivational post about my newfound purpose to pick myself out of the slacking-off gutter and to finish this semester with a bang. Then I clicked "Publish Post," as usual. But did any of what I thoughtfully wrote out appear?

NO.

Instead, I got redirected to a page that said, "Please sign into Blogger." So I thought to myself that okay, this is no biggie. Just sign in and the post will show up because it's been auto-saved. But did this actually come to pass?

UGH.

So I'll be short and sweet -- Blogger fails!

A tip for future posts, and something that me as an idiot should have done after writing a post:

Always copy & save what you've written and put it onto Microsoft Word before pressing "Publish Post." Otherwise, if Blogger decides to have another trusty brain fart, you might lose your paragraphs of cleverly and poignantly written insights.

But Blogger's brain farts aside, I just wanted to say that I'm going to try hard to finish this semester with a bang -- which means I'm going to have to suck it up and finish all the homeworks and chapters I missed in my Stat Methods for Psych class (thank goodness my professor's letting us hand in homeworks late!). Where did this new sense of motivation come from?

Frankly, I'm getting tired of feeling burned out, induced to a catatonic stupor. I refuse to be a walking zombie. So consider me a zombie arising.

Most of this motivation came from registering for Fall 2010 classes today. I have to go to school on Saturday from 9AM to 4PM for Experimental Psych, but at least I get Mondays, Wednesdays, and a good portion of my Thursdays free. And I'm getting some General Education Requirements out of the way, so that's another plus. And I'm taking a couple of classes where I know at least one person, so it won't be that lonely. I just hope I'm motivated and inspired to learn next semester.

A Scrambled & Fried Brain

Hello again, blog. I'm sorry I've neglected you. I really did mean to write more posts... but I've been busy. How busy?

Good question.

One test after another can really fry your brains out. Don't even get me started on my utter lack of motivation to crack open my Statistical Methods in Psychology textbook and take a stab at my homework. I'm already three homeworks behind. I'm just grateful that my professor is a really understanding guy who'd rather be lenient than a hard-ass toward his utterfly confused students (which is to say, pretty much my entire stat class). I also sometimes feel stupid around my classmates who frequently participate in class discussions. It's like they have a weekly subscription to Psychology journals and read all the articles cover to cover. Is that something I should be doing? Am I showing enough interest, enough effort in my major?

Doesn't this remind you of Coraline? Yikes.

Is it really horrible that I'd rather write stories than read my psychology textbooks at this point in the semester? Or that I'd rather watch TV instead of write a review for my theatre class on a low-budget mediocre Hunter College Theatre performance of Brecht's Threepenny Opera?

I'd sooner sleep than study.

Don't get me wrong. Theatre is really a creative form of art -- in fact, it's the synthesis of the arts. But there are some plays that I have no interest in. Other times, I have nothing particularly interesting to say about a performance. Sometimes I'm just annoyed at the actors and grumpy at the director for an over-ambitious overarching metaphor for a play. Just tell the story without the hokey gimmicks, dammit! Give me something I can relate to, something I can really enjoy thinking about.

And okay, here's my ditty about my chosen major... Psychology and all its subfields are very intriguing -- really, it's an eye-opening subject to empirically explore the boundaries of people's thinking patterns, behaviors, emotions, and interactions with other people. But I can't see where my life is leading in terms of a career I want to get out of it. A clinician? A researcher? A guidance counselor? A therapist? Thus, the dilemma of having too many choices.

And the dilemma of not having much of a choice -- I wanted to be an English major. But there's not much of a career you can make out of a BA in English Literature, aside from teaching (which I don't think I have the patience for) and publishing (which I wanted to try, but the typical salary doesn't really pay well enough to cover rent in NYC).

So the compromise would be to become a psychologist and write novels on the side. But I really don't know how that'll turn out. I just told my dad the premise of my book this morning. He knew I was working on a manuscript, but I never told him what it was about until today. I know I should take his technical questions as a way to challenge myself and come up with innovative ideas to tell a story about mythical creatures that have become as cliche as Santa Claus in contemporary pop culture.

Suppose you combine the two salient pop culture images into one mega picture of human imagination:

Pretty darn frightening, no?

I seriously think I have something original going. Not the vampire Santa hybrid creature, but my story.

I know that my dad was really just trying to help me by offering different perspectives on some of the key details (like, what kind of human in his/her right mind would attack and pillage a group of dragons? or how exactly does a dragon shape-shift? or how will a dragon blend in with humans?). Really, they're good questions that I have to work through in order to get my story's details straight. But I have this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that the novel I've been working on sounds completely ridiculous.

I felt so embarrassed talking about it with my dad. Probably because he's not the kind of person who would pick up a sci-fi or fantasy novel right off the bat at the bookstore. He's the kind of reader who enjoys reading books written by Sidney Sheldon, Sue Grafton, Tom Clancy, Isabel Allende, or Kahlil Gibran. He reads everything from religious perspectives and philosophies, to ghost-written James Bond adventures and Alexander McCall Smith's Ladies' No. 1 Detective Agency.

Only occasionally will my dad voluntarily select a novel to read from my book shelf. I'd even gotten him to read Airhead and all the books from The Mediator series by Meg Cabot. He even read a few titles that I bought in middle school from the Scholastic bookfair, like Carolyn Meyer's Young Royals series about the Tudors (which, by the way, got me interested in learning about European history when I was 10 years old).

But he's never picked up In the Forests of the Night or Shattered Mirror by Amelia Atwater-Rhodes. Nor did he even bother picking up any fantasy novels I happened to borrow from the public library (like the Wicked Lovely series by Melissa Marr or the ). My dad enjoyed watching the Harry Potter films, but it wasn't something he would try reading. He didn't really understand the sweeping epic of Lord of the Rings. Ditto with Tim Burton's kooky, fantastical films like The Nightmare Before Christmas or Sweeney Todd.

I guess some people's suspension of disbelief can't stretch that far. Which I suppose is the reason why I felt embarrassed telling my dad about the premise of my book. He looked at me the entire time as though he had no idea what the excitement's all about.

"You need to make it sound really believable," Dad said, "otherwise an editor might not be willing to publish your story. Fantasy's okay, but you need to make the story relatable to your readers and have a very lovable main character so that your readers will keep buying your books."

Thanks, Dad. I already knew that. But he does have a point.

I'm hoping that my book comes out as a Young Adult novel, considering that my protagonist is a teenage girl who's only just realizing her heritage and her potential despite her angst and anxiety over fitting in with the rest of the world. Though there's some romance, but I wanted it to be more of a coming-of-age story, a kind of bildungsroman. I'm not sure my readers would love Danica right away -- she's whiny, angsty, pessimistic, and has a frequent tendency to overreact. But I hope that by writing her story, she'll grow into a strong, wise, independent woman.

Right now, though, I can't really think. I don't exactly have writer's block, but I'm stuck. I'm having some trouble writing a fight scene. Mostly because I can't really get into the mood of the moment. Sounds pretty flaky, but there are certain things you have to be in the right emotional state and mindset for, otherwise your work will end up sounding like crap. Lately I haven't been able to fully immerse in that creative mode. Blame it on school, on other responsibilities taking a toll on my mind. So I end up not feeling it, despite my efforts to find fast, aggressive, heart-pumping, adrenaline-rushing music to write to on Google.

Suffice it to say that a majority of my search yielded less than savory results. I hate power metal (sorry, metalheads) and rap really isn't the kind of vibe I'm looking for with this particular fight scene.

Take this scene from The Vampire Diaries, for instance:

How does a writer put the Salvatore brothers' (and their enemies') emotions and actions into suspenseful, words?

But I did manage to find some cool tunage to occupy my caffeine-induced neurons as I wrote. Like the theme music from Angel (YES, the vampire that David Boreanaz used to portray before becoming Agent Seeley Booth in Bones) and Buffy the Vampire Slayer or the ominous-sounding score from Batman: The Dark Knight. I also really like the dark, romantic mood of Michael Nyman's "The Heart Asks Pleasure First/Promise" from the movie The Piano (I think it goes by either title; not sure about that).

In no particular order, here's the music that gets me through writing the fight scene (or any scene in my story for that matter):

• Pony (It's OK) by Erin McCarley
• The Breakdown by Alexz Johnson
• Ruthless by Something Corporate
• Syndicate by The Fray
• Over My Head (Cable Car) by The Fray
• When You Were Young by The Killers
• Sick Cycle Carousel by Lifehouse
• Practice Makes Perfect by Cute Is What We Aim For
• Naive by The Kooks
• Sunrise by Yeasayer
• The Con by Tegan & Sara
• No One Sleeps When I'm Awake by The Sounds
• Disturbia by Rihanna
• Feel It In My Bones by Tiesto featuring Tegan & Sara
• Rooms On Fire by Stevie Nicks
• Fader by The Temper Trap
• Naked by The Goo Goo Dolls
• Reinventing Your Exit by UnderOath
• Howl by Florence + the Machine
• Drumming Song by Florence + the Machine
• Hemorrhage by Fuel
• Buffy the Vampire Slayer Theme
• The Sanctuary (Extended Remix) by Darling Violetta [Angel theme]
• The Heart Asks Pleasure First by Michael Nyman
• Aggressive Expansion by Hans Zimmer and James Newton Howard

Of course, this list is still subject to change according to my mood and crazy as this might sound, my characters' moods. If you want to hear the playlist, check out the "Tunage" tab underneath "Turn the Pages." Hopefully you'll find some artful arias to inspire you as well.

In case you haven't noticed yet, I pretty much changed the layout of my blog again. ;)

So there you have it, friends -- another rambling from a girl who currently has addled brain cells from reality scrambling and frying her mind to anxiety-ridden putty. Still recovering, but coping well enough.

More later, lovelies.

Love, Save the Empty...

My friend Liliana wrote a very insightful entry examining the overemphasis we place on investing our time and devotion to someone who just won't reciprocate our feelings. Originally, I meant for the following information to be a comment on Lily's post. But seeing as I exceeded the limit on typed characters in the comment box, I decided not to let it go to waste. So here it goes...

Most of us live under the delusion that it's better to have loved than to not love at all. Or some variant of this statement.

Right now, I'm reading this book called Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert, and I was both surprised and amazed at the fact that this woman has gone through much of what Liliana discussed in her blog entry (it's Gilbert's memoir). Liliana's post post reminded me of it, and I felt that I have to share this excerpt from the book with you, because I think it's terribly relevant (pages 65-66):

"I barely had an adolescence before I had my first boyfriend, and I have consistently had a boy or a man (or sometimes both) in my life ever since I was fifteen years old. That was -- oh, let's see -- about nineteen years ago, now. That's almost two solid decades I have been entwined in some kind of drama with some kind of guy. Each overlapping the next, with never so much as a week's breather in between. And I can't help but think that's been something of a liability on my path to maturity.

Moreover, I have boundary issues with men. Or maybe that's not fair to say. To have issues with boundaries, one must have boundaries in the first place, right? But I disappear into the person I love. I am the permeable membrane. If I love you, you can have everything. You can have my time, my devotion, my ass, my money, my family, my dog, my dog's money, my dog's time, -- everything... I will give you all this and more, until I get so exhausted and depleted that the only way I can recover my energy is by becoming infatuated with someone else.

I do not relay these facts about myself with pride, but this is how it's always been...

Dear God, I could use a little break from this cycle, to give myself some space to discover what I look like and talk like when I'm not trying to merge with someone... When I scan back on my romantic record, it doesn't look so good. It's been one catastrophe after another. How many more different types of men can I keep trying to love, and continue to fail? Think of it this way -- if you'd had ten serious traffic accidents in a row, wouldn't they eventually take your driver's license away? Wouldn't you kind of want them to?"


So there. We all want to believe that something as wonderful and as magical and as powerful as true love exists. We go out searching for it, trying to confirm this bias, trying to persuade ourselves that things will get better (even if they hardly ever do). Sometimes we just end up settling. Why?

Because it's better than considering the alternative -- the thought of being a single complete human being, independent of another person's heartbeat pulsing. In other words, we mistake being single for being alone. For being lonely and forlorn, for being utter romantic failures. And this hurts like a bitch.

Then comes the cycle of self-pity, of self-deprecation, of self-doubt in one's self-worth. But what, praytell, is the SELF?

Who is this "I," this "me," this "my," this "mine"? WHO?

I don't know if this is the case for most people, but I think that's the central problem here. Often, we lose our sense of self because we "disappear into the person [we] love." We're fools who can't see anything of consequence until the cracks break right in front of us.

So maybe, like Miss Gilbert has realized and implies in her book, we have to find ourselves first and come full circle before we give of ourselves completely to that person.

As far as I can tell, Love -- in its truest, sincerest form -- displays symptoms of dissociative identity disorder (or split-personality, if you will). Despite the flaws and the petty fights, Love will still cherish, adore, and care unconditionally for as long as Love is welcome to stay.

We just have to learn to let Love BREATHE for a change. Forcing it will only make Love bitter and declare war on us. Best not to aggravate it. Love's fatigued and overworked as it is. ;)

The Mini New Year -- Easter Greetings

There's something to be said about Easter. I don't mean the cute fuzzy chicadees or the cuddly bunnies surrounded by baskets of colorfully painted eggs, nor do I mean the holiday hubbub that the media and commercialized advertising talk about. I mean Easter, the day that Christ emerged from the tomb, totally alive and shining in all his divine glory. I think of it as a mini-new year. A new beginning. A fresh blank page on that book, that roadmap to the rest of your life.

I guess it's probably the sunshine that's been gracing NYC's pavements this past week, shining brightly and warmly through windows, begging us to venture outside and do something with our lives. Or at least, take a walk and breathe in all that is Spring. Dog-poop and garbage bags on the sidewalk aside.

But I'll let the sun drip its after-effects my brain, as long as I'm feeling as close to content and complete as possible for the moment. I've been worrying too much about deadlines. What an awful word, tinged with the sinking feeling of finality and certain doom. Just think about it. Go on...

Dead. Line.

Even better -- try out the plural form for size. Dead. Lines.

Try saying it again, just for good measure. Deadlines.

It's more than enough to make you want to shriek "ICK!" and shudder, perhaps even lock yourself in your room and cower in a corner so that painful pest called Panic and its best buddy Dread won't find you. What a wonderful way to murder one's good mood.

But you know what? That Deadline can just dig its own grave and crawl in it. Time's already wasted as it is.

So rather than get cranky and catankerous over the lack of time we have in our lives, maybe we should figure out how to better spend the time that we do have. No doubt, we should learn to become open-minded, open to new experiences, to novel ideas, to the unknown waiting to be unfurled. Should is the operative word. Here are a few pointers I've come up with to help you along, fellow seeker of inner peace:

Be patient -- even if that impacted tooth is taking advantage of its sweet time hiding in your gums and you have to continue wearing your braces for the next three years (or more) because of its stubbornness. Or you find yourself stuck for nearly an hour in the subway on a train that just won't budge, or wind up at the wrong stop because the conductor didn't have the decency to give you fair warning that the train will bypass your destination.

Take the time out to explore that which prods at your curiosity -- even if that means staying up all night to finish a really engrossing and magical novel that's at least 600 pages long, and your mother waking you up in her grouchy mode switched "on" because you neglected to turn off your bedroom light before your eyes drooped shut for the sweet surrender of sleep.

Try out something new -- even if that means potentially overcooking the pasta noodles you were planning to use with the new clam sauce recipe you wanted to try, only to find out that you're running low on the actual sauce... and clams. Just hope you can make a feast out of the food that you do have.

Do some Spring cleaning -- even if that means turning your bedroom (and perhaps your entire home) inside out as you donate your outdated and unwearable hand-me-downs, give yourself a paper cut as you rifle through the dusty stacks of papers that you've shoved into a forgotten corner of your desk/bookshelf. Or sweep and mop the floor, even if the dust and the overpowering scent of detergent trigger the worst of your allergies.

Watch a classic movie -- even if you might end up falling asleep through an old black-and-white film because you found it boring and kind of hokey. (Although, I have to say, watching TCM can get really addicting, but more on that in some other post...)

Read a challenging novel -- even if you wind up wanting to defenestrate that lengthy and wordy Tolstoy title because its so-called heroine was such a repressed and dreary character.

Go for a jog, go exercise -- even if you discover that you're wheezing after just a mere distance of 1/2 of a block when you thought that you were correctly pacing yourself.

Forgive my sarcasm. And I know that this phrase is spat out more times than the word cliche itself, but we should all think of life in this way: no pain, no gain. Take the good, the bad, and the ugly all in stride and just suck it up. Because maybe you'll learn something. Maybe you'll find something. Or maybe you won't. But at least by then you'll know. You'll know from experience what worked well and what didn't, so maybe you'll gain the insight to make things better.

That's really the only "hope" there is -- mending one small broken hope at a time so that everything else looks a little less hopeless. So that your world, and everyone else's world in general, can become a brighter place. A dim one, but nonetheless a slightly brighter place.

So as I said earlier, think of this time of year as a miniature new year celebration, your own little resurrection from the dimness of your daily complaints and catatonic complacency. Smile like you mean it, and maybe you'll infect someone.

Happy Easter season, everyone. :)

A Million Things Since February...

It's been a really long while since my last post. I've been very busy with school -- apparently March happens to be midterm month. I was writing out pages and pages of endless pages of review sheets for each test, as well as reading up on materials for class. It takes a toll on you after a while, and you find that you're missing hours of sleep and can't write anything because you're so tired and eventually find yourself drooling near your laptop's keyboard. But there has been some progress and high points.

This past weekend, I had the honor of becoming a Grand Representative to Georgia and Oregon in my youth group, the International Order of the Rainbow for Girls. I'm so proud of my friend Samantha, who's the new Grand Worthy Advisor of NY. Her mascot is that curious little monkey, Curious George, who's holding a bunch of balloons. "Reach for New Heights" is her theme and her motto, and it's a big challenge this year to step up to the task.

We have new charity and service projects, and many things to be thankful for. One of the surprises I wasn't expecting was that my assembly, W. Mark Sexson #15, actually won the Membership Award and was named "Assembly of the Year"!!!! We brought in five girls since we first started, and we've also helped to initiate two other girls from another assembly. (I have a LOT to memorize, as we're having another initiation of new members into our organization in May.)

It was pretty funny that some high school kids who were there at the same resort for their senior trip thought that we were all taking part in a wedding or a beauty pageant, since we were wearing our white gowns. And I'll never forget when Hannah was awestruck by one of them, a guy with long locks whom she admired from afar and affectionately called "Blondie." He splashed me when he did a cannonball into the pool as I was drying myself. When I told Hannah this, she was just all the more excited, ahahaha. And Jasmine... I can't believe she actually went up to one of the guys and said, "Hey, I think you're cute." To which the boy answered, "Hey, if you wanna chill, I'll be on this floor so come holla at me." LOL. And then she just walked away, thinking, "Uh... NO." And then there was the "Oooga Boooga" ceremony after the banquet-dance... every advisor and Rainbow girl who visits Grand Assembly for the first time must go through it. It wasn't that bad... aside from the fact that I wet my pants, ahhahaha. But anyway...

I'm so glad to have made new friends at Grand Assembly, especially Dawn and Gabby, and to have the opportunity to do my part as a Rainbow girl. I just hope that I can set a good example for other girls, and get them to join in the fun and rewarding experience of helping others be all that they can be. So, here's to hoping. ;)

Grand Assembly wasn't the only highlight in the past three weeks. I went to the MoMA twice this month and saw the Tim Burton exhibit with some friends from high school - Priscilla, Liliana, Amy, and Renee. It was like walking into another dimension, or some kind of time warp as we set foot inside the giant mouth...

It's so amazing and pleasantly kooky to get to know the inner workings of Burton's creativity. For a preview of the exhibition, you can go here and explore the site: http://www.moma.org/interactives/exhibitions/2009/timburton/

Also, here's a checklist for all the different odds and ends at Tim Burton's art exhibit at the MoMA... I guarantee you'll find something terribly intriguing: http://moma.org/interactives/exhibitions/2009/timburton/includes/pdf/checklist.pdf

It was great to reconnect with my old friends. I just wish I had more time with them. And I wish that I could see other people from my high school - Tegan, Arielle, Katie, and Agatha, to name a few. They're some of my closest friends (and in case any of you guys are reading this, I miss you!), and I love our crazy-yet-sane-talks about life and music and books and movies and tv shows and vibrant creativity and.... and... there's too many. I hope that I can see them again sometime soon.

I also reconnected with my teachers and some of my classmates from St. Aloysius, my elementary/junior high school. We've all grown and we've all changed. It was all Kim's idea. I almost didn't go because of the crappy weather that day, but I'm glad that I did. We met up with four of our favorite teachers, and they will always hold a special place in our hearts. We just sat and ate pizza at California Pizza Kitchen in Atlas Park, talking about our favorite memories and about where we were now, and what we hope to do in the future. It was nice, and it was a wonderful time getting to know everyone again. We're hoping that for our 10-year reunion (2010), we could all go to Vegas. I don't know if that'll actually happen, but at this point, who knows? ;)

There's a song called "Let It Go" by Debra Arlyn, and it's such an inspiring piece of music. It gives me hope when I'm feeling confused, frustrated, or insecure. It calms me down. Because the most important task is to focus on the postivity, the things that you've already got, the family and friends who are there to support you no matter what, and the aspirations you hope to achieve in the future. Just take a deep breath and take things day by day, one small step at a time.

"The change in the weather is affecting me deeper this year
It's another reminder that the time is passing by
Am I doing the right things, pursuing the right dreams?
I'll go for a drive
As I take in the scenery, look up at changing leaves
It's then I decide

To let it go
Out the window
Just let it flow
Out of my mind
'Cause I'll never know exactly what's in store
So the best thing for sure
Let it go"

Wanna know another exciting thing that's happened to me? :)

I got to chat with one of my favorite actors, Ethan Peck!

Ethan currently plays Patrick Verona on ABC Family's tv show remake of "10 Things I Hate About You."

You may have seen him in one of my earlier posts, you know - the ones where I've pretty much exalted his hotness factor and thought that he would be absolutely PERFECT to play one of the characters in my novel, should it ever be turned into a major motion picture (I wish, you have no idea how much).

It was a good thing I found out about the live chat on Facebook about an hour before it started, otherwise I would have really missed out!

My burning question was this: "What first drew you to play Patrick? Do you feel that you share anything in common with your character?"

To which he answered (and I love, love, LOVE his answer!), "Patrick drew me because he's such a loner, something I've been for most of my life, and he's searching, deeply searching, for love and meaning, like many of us, but he's very angry too, something I don't have in common with him."

Someone else asked him what his dream role would be...
Ethan Peck: "Right now? Anything good! I like truthful stories that teach good lessons, with depth and soulful complexity."

Another person asked him if there's anything he doesn't like about his character, Patrick Verona...
Ethan Peck: "Lots of things! He's such a jerk! And mean sometimes, too. If I knew him I'd make him tell me about his childhood--it seems most of his problems stem from trust issues that I imagine began with his upbringing. And he's pretty cocky, not an attractive quality, in my opinion."

HA! I kind of drew inspiration for writing Seth's character from Patrick, both from the movie and the tv series. I wanted Seth (one of the main characters in my novel) to be a bit of an a-hole... but a likeable one, hehe. One who has a past and anger issues, but one who can also rise to become the well-loved and redeeming hero of the story, who can bring out the worst and hopefully, the best, in the heroine.

Ethan's such a deep thinker, so thoughtful and introspective, and so focused on his career and honing his skills as an actor. Pretty intriguing guy. ;)

I would absolutely watch any other productions Ethan's part of in the future. So far besides "10 Things I Hate About You," I've seen him in the Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen movie "Passport to Paris." Though, that probably doesn't count because I was like, 12 years old when I saw it. But I will definitely watch his other movies, mostly independent films, which I hear were really good and won some awards.

You can read the entire live chat with Ethan Peck online; just click here.

Well... that's it for now. I realize that this post may be a bit too long, and I apologize if you're having difficulty straining your eyes from staring at the monitor screen for so long. I'll try to update a tad more often, and to write more often. One step at a time, folks, just one step at a time. ;)

Music to Write to

I know I said in my last post that I would love to do some sort of communal writing project, where a small group of us would either get the ball rolling with the use of one theme or line. But I guess maybe it'd be better over a long vacation, such as either Spring Break or summer vacation, so that academic or job deadlines won't be an issue. I myself have a pelting of exams to zip through in the upcoming weeks. So, this literary challenge is post-poned, at least for now.

Meanwhile, thanks to the recommendations made by my friend, Liliana (whose blog can be found here), I was able to uncover some new music that could possibly work as background music during one of my story-storming and writing sessions. These have an overall dark mood - perfect for scenes meant to feel creepy or loaded with fast-paced action.

The first one is by Gossip, called "Heavy Cross." Really haunting with the beat and the girl's vocals. It feels like a '70s kung-pow disco kind of vibe - fresh, funky cool. ;)



I heard about Florence + the Machine about a year ago when I was searching Youtube for some clips of Fox's hit tv series, "Bones." A fan had made a video of scenes between Agent Booth and Dr. Brennan with the song "Kiss with a Fist" in the background. I thought the song was weird (it's about a dysfunctional relationship, if you haven't already guessed), but really groovy. So I downloaded it and put it in my mp3 player. I'd been meaning to search for more songs by Florence + the Machine, but I just never found the time or it would always slip my mind.

And let me tell you, I fell absolutely in love with her music all over again, especially with "Drumming Song" and "Howl." They're absolutely fantastic, filled with passion and charged with the hot vibrancy of conflict. I was easily able to write some more details for the action scene I'm currently working on.

Here they are below, courtesy of Youtube...

First, "Drumming Song"


And now here's my absolute favorite, which was also featured in a trailor for season 4 of "The Tudors." This one is called "Howl."



Dark, seductive, and fast-paced aren't they? Absolutely compelling.

Then, during another search, I came across this excellent band named Explosions in the Sky. They mostly do instrumental compositions - lots of melody and great balance between light and dark moods, kind of like the musical scores done in movies. So if you're the kind of writer who prefers songs without sung lyrics, this may be a great group to listen to as you're crafting your story. This particular song is called "Greet Death."



If you like more music like this, and more bands similar to Explosions in the Sky, there's another band that I noticed many people liked.

Listen to the band Sigur Ros if you're more into lighter melodies for easy listening, especially if you're writing a fantasy story. They're an Icelandic band, and although you might not understand the language they're singing in, their songs are very soothing and optimistic. I wouldn't be surprised if they were included in a Pure Moods compilation; their music is beautiful.

Here's one of Sigur Ros's songs, called "Staralfur," for example. Give it a go, and I promise you that you'll feel a comforting calm wash over you.





I have a lot more on my list of story-writing songs, so check back later the next time I blog about music. I'll try to find some more interesting songs for writing as time goes on. You're also more than welcome to add any of your suggestions. In the meantime, enjoy the tune-age! ;)