Re-Vision and Re-Bounding into Life

Two weeks have gone by with not a single post from yours truly, yet again. Not that anyone cares, I'm sure - except for my own curious soul, which intrinsically motivates me to keep up with writing in the first place.

Classes have just been taking a toll on me. Now, combine that with the restless longing to reach out into the world and make a ripple effect without so much as an inkling as to how to achieve that, and you've got yourself one hell of a predicament.

Lately, I've been experiencing horrible mood-swings. Maybe it's my cycle? Mother Nature throwing a wrench in my biological mechanisms to screw with it? I don't know. But my life is changing much quicker than I realized.

How so? Let me count the ways...

For one thing, my 15-year-old sister now has her first boyfriend. I should feel... I don't know, happy for her? But I feel weird about the whole situation. She is now officially one of those horribly giddy girls high on the rush of infatuation who think that they know what love is. I can't even tell my parents because she asked me not to, and because we both know how my parents would react. "No dating until after college", they've always said.

Another thing that worries me, besides the obvious "what-are-this-guy's-ulterior-motives?" question, is how emotionally fragile my sister can be. She's exhibited unhealthy ways of unleashing stress in the past by taking razor nicks to her arm. She's been made fun of and taken advantage of by her peers when she was younger. If there's one thing I've learned outside of my psychology classes, it's that people who've had low self-esteem tend to willingly please others who seem like they're trustworthy. And she's never had the experience of getting her heart broken by a guy before.... What more if something traumatic results from this new relationship she's established?

Even before that, she's been coming home late everyday because of her extracurricular activites in school - scrapbook club, badminton. Or sometimes, she'd just be hanging out with friends and waste her time instead of productively doing her homework. The girl's failing math and struggling in her Chinese class, and she attends 4-hour SAT prep classes on Saturdays. When she does come home, she throws her stuff all over our room, including my part of the bunk bed. I always have to tell her to clean the mess up, but it almost always turns into this ugly yelling contest that she feels she has to win (i.e., getting the last word in. Childish, isn't it?).

So I must ask, where the heck does this girl find the time to have a boyfriend?

Honestly, I really can't help but worry about her all the time. In place of my parents, I feel like I have to check up on her and discipline her when necessary. She rebels a lot. I know that I was once rebellious at her age, but never to the point where I'd cause my parents perpetual worry. And I understand that she's at that boy-crazy stage because I know I still am. But I don't really think she knows how to safeguard herself from getting her heart broken.

I just... I want her to know that boys shouldn't be a priority right now. She should work on her own goals, her own aspirations, enjoy the wonders of youthful self-discovery. Finding "true love" can wait. It'll come when you least expect it, not when you're looking for it.

I just hope she's mature enough to understand these things because right now, she can be such an unpredictable and bratty "happy-donkey-cigarette" (roughly translated as a "gay ass faggot", a so-called euphemism which she's taken so kindly to adopt into her vocabulary and never hesitates to call me whenever she's pissed at me). I don't know how long I can put up with her insufferable tendencies anymore.

But that's only part of the story so far...

I decided to quit playing Rohan. It's about time I got over the irrational obsession to kill imaginary beasts. What brought about this roundabout attitude? Let's just say that I'm one of those video game players who prefers "PVE" or "player versus environment." One really bored idiot whose character was at least level 50 decided to attack my level 33 mage while I was trying to fulfill a quest. No doubt he wanted to kill Amrita in order to steal her stash of powerful potions, weapons, armors, and several hundred hard-earned crones (which are basically money in this game). That's one of the lovely aspects of playing 'Rohan: Blood Feud': other players can attack your character with no provocation. Whether you're the attacker or the victim, your name appears on the other's "Hit List".

I thought that it was a stupid waste of time to avenge an imaginary character. And let me tell you, I was genuinely angry that this idle idiot had the gall to attack Amrita without just cause. After that, I thought to myself, "Enough's enough. Time to move on and actually LIVE life."

Now I don't know about you, but I think this might make a fascinating research project: the lure of fantasy role-playing games and the effects that they have on adolescents and young adults (particularly those in their 20s and older). I keep wondering if most of the other players I see on Rohan are male couch-potato computer nerds. So far, the other players that I've met through playing the massive multi-player role-playing game were surprised that I was a 19-year-old female and was knowledgable about the game. Most of them were - you guessed it - young men in their late teens and early 20s who sat with their hips attached to their computers. And I hated it when one of them called me "Sweetie" in the chatbox - I knew he just wanted to ally his really weak elf with my advanced mage just to level up faster.

I'm so over computer role-playing games.

Right now I'm focusing on my studies, writing, physical well-being (I shall attempt to do some yoga & other aerobic exercise in my free time), and on my family and social life. I want to give my life a make-over in the places where I feel like I've been slacking off.

I've also gotten into basketball more than ever before. Honestly, I'm horrible at sports (except baseball/softball and perhaps bowling, which I'm pretty decent at) and I haven't played basketball since my last gym class in my sophomore year of high school. Since then I've taken dance instead. But in any case, I meant that I got more interested in watching the Knicks lately. They might actually get a shot at the playoffs this year!

My dad's a big fan of the Knicks, and I guess I've always rooted for them since I was little because of him. But as I grew up, I didn't really pay much attention to sports. Sometimes I'd watch snippets of a game with my dad, but I didn't really understand it much. I didn't feel the thrill of the game until now. I started watching the Knicks again sometime in February and tried to figure out the technicalities of the game, wondering why the fans (including my dad) reacted the way that they did. I listened to the commentators, to my dad's answers as he answered my many questions, as well as to the pre- and post-game interviews of the players and head coach Mike D'Antoni.

So far, I've watched about 10 games or so. It's only now that I'm starting to understand the beauty and exhilaration of basketball - my mind has somehow become attuned to it. Lately I find myself calling out "FOUL!" and "OUT OF BOUNDS!" and "DEFENSE!" even before the sports commentators or the referees say anything about it.

I know that Walt Frazier, one of the commentators, used to be a Knick in the '70s and that he's one of several veteran players to be honored in the NBA Hall of Fame on March 23rd. I know that Nate "Krypto-Nate" Robinson, the shortest Knick, stands at 5'9" but can really slam a mean dunk. I know that David Lee scored 53 "double-doubles" (two-digit scores in points and rebounds) so far, and that he has to break the record of 69 double-doubles within the next 17 remaining games of the season. Larry Hughes scored 39 points against the Milwaukee Bucks on March 10th, resulting in a 120-112 win for the Knicks.

And Danilo Gallinari, number 8... definitely one of the cutest guys I have ever seen. He's a rookie - just got drafted for the Knicks last summer from Italy. His father used to play with Mike D'Antoni way back in the decades of yesteryear. Gallo's been playing professional basketball since the age of 15, and now at 20 years old, he's got a lot of career potential in the years ahead of him. He suffered from a back injury before, and you can still see him lying on the floor in the sidelines during the games instead of sitting down. But he's still got time to grow and improve his game. Please note that my motivation for watching basketball again wasn't solely because of this guy. His addition to the team just happened to be a really nice coincidence in conjunction with my newfound fascination with the sport, honestly. ;)

I can't wait for tomorrow when they play against the Cavaliers, and for Wednesday when they play against the Nets (hopefully they win this time!).

With Spring coming and Easter hoppin' really soon, I feel somewhat rejuvenated. Albeit a bit confused with certain situations, but still refreshed with an overall new outlook on life.

This week I plan to get out of my writer's block slump and actually continue the novel I've started. I also plan to get some fresh air and just explore the city with my friends, just like I did last Friday when I went to my friend's fantastic art show after class. It's been too long since I've done anything that made me feel so alive.

So until then, keep livin' it up y'all.