It's been a while since I've last updated. Many things have happened since then.
For one thing, I recently turned 21 years old. I didn't drink anything, though. I didn't go all out and celebrate that I can now legally obtain alcoholic beverages. I never liked alcoholic drinks; they give me stomach aches. (Though, I am actually partial to white wine. Pretty sweet stuff.) I guess that probably makes me sound boring or "un-fun." But honestly, I didn't want to wake up the next morning with a massive headache from an unnecessary hangover. There's more to life than drinking your cares away anyway. I much prefer dancing.
I've also recently started going to school again for the Spring 2011 semester. I have so much on my plate right now and for the next three months. Not only do I have to keep up with the challenging reading materials for class, but I also have to apply for internships this summer if I'm ever going to get into grad school. I haven't even begun the process of looking for a grad school. I gotta hop on that before it's too late.
I have to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life on such short notice. Lovely, isn't it?
On a brighter note, I've finally finished revising and editing the first and second chapters of that book I've been working on. I found that I had to do a massive overhaul of rewrites after going over the rough drafts of the chapters I'd written last year. Something in those pages just wasn't working. I finally pinpointed what those elements were and fixed them, also tightening the language where necesssary. It's still far from great, but I'm realy happy with the revised versions of these chapters so far.
I'll post the first two chapters soon, either on this blog or on the other one that I made specifically for this particular writing project. I still have to fix and update the story's blog.
What else has been happening? Well.
Finding focus and maintaining it has been somewhat of a challenge for me lately. My mind drifts and wanders all over the place, and I've been getting all these weird dreams that I shouldn't be having, such as one involving a really cute, funny, intriguing guy in one of my classes.
Sometimes I wish there actually was a bottle of non-toxic brain-bleach in existence to help me get unwanted images/ideas out of my head. It can be incredibly distracting when I'm studying. Ironically enough, he's also the main reason that I've been feeling motivated to finish my reading assignments early. He said that I had some interesting ideas, and oh, gosh... I don't know. Something about his eyes and his smile made me feel weak in the knees when he said that. Whenever I speak up and try to say something and keep up with the class discussions, I get incredibly self-conscious about what I want to say that sometimes I don't even bother saying anything at all. Or if I do say something, my voice trails off and then I forget the rest of the words. And then it turns out that he knows exactly what it is I'm trying to convey and he tries to be helpful and finish my sentences. It's a little disorienting.
Darn nervousness. Why do you always have to trip me up? Why must you suffocate whatever confidence I have and smother whatever courage I happen to muster up? Why must you make me question my own self-worth? Damn you, nerves. Damn you.
Anyway, it's not like anything will ever actually happen between me and him. It's hardly likely. Sucks to feel so awkward and to know the guarantee of a silly infatuation being unrequited. It sucks to be me, indeed.
Sorry for the vagueness.
It's currently 1:33AM as I'm writing this entry, and I haven't had sleep in the past couple of nights because of my uncooperative, wandering mind. If I'm not thinking about this guy, then I'm thinking about how the future kind of freaks me out or how some people probably think I'm a nutcase who thinks she's too clever for her own good. I hate getting that sinking feeling at the bottom of my stomach, that feeling of defeat as I wonder what it is that's making me paranoid or anxious about the world.
Maybe it's the weather. It's been one snowstorm-ridden winter, and quite frankly, I think winter has outstayed its welcome. I want spring to arrive already. I want to get out and jog, breathe some fresh air and be able to walk around the city without having to worry about putting on too many layers of clothing just to stave off Jack Frost's cruel breathy windchills.
Hopefully that'll change as the semester progresses. Here's to some optimism, dear friends. Help yourselves.
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